FENCEWANKER

[PreppedForDiagrams]

I'll start by saying I am absolutely furious. So bear with angry spelling and grammar.

We are incredibly lucky and live on a marina on a river. It's very beautiful. On the river are temporary moorings for riverboats. This is lovely. Some people have unofficial 'permanent' moorings and have made their gardens pretty and mow the grass. This is nice.

3 weeks ago a shiny new boat showed up directly opposite our house. It's a lovely boat, nice to see out of the window.

Yesterday THEY PUT UP A THREE PANEL OVER SIX FOOT FUCKING FENCE. See pic.

Would I be unreasonable to burn that fucker to the ground and also put a hole in his stupid boat?

Been thinking about this and I reckon you should set up a deck chair the river side of the fence and see what fence wanker says.

He must need planning permission though. Do you have legal insurance you could check with Are you George Clooney?

I think the only sensible course of action to take at this juncture is to spray-paint a giant cock and balls on his fence.

It it fell on someone walking past who would be responsible. I think you definitely need to highlight this to the councils. Because of "health and safety" and all

Or what @scampimom said.

That would be better.

Perhaps with the rakish addition of NOB LIVES HERE

You know, something insightful and witty like that.

Graffiti sounds far more fun than arson now that I think about it.

Just channel your inner Bansky, it's not vandalism, it's art!

BIG FENCE SMALL KNOB

BEWARE: FENCEWANKER

do you have and DC you could encourage to play football against the offensive fence!

do you have and DC you could encourage to play football against the offensive fence! 

With a REALLY muddy ball

But hang on. According to your diagram it goes

Your garden
Footpath
Marina waterway
Marina moorings (perpendicular to waterway)
Another footpath
THEN this fence

So actually the fence is quite far away from your land? I had previously been under the impression that the fence was just the other side of a footpath from your own garden.

This seems equivalent to objecting to the fence that is between next-door but one's garden and next door but two's garden. ie not so much your business

But by all means go ahead and make sure that those whose land it is on are aware of it.

According to my plumber, who was here all last week, they have also chopped massive branches off the tree

A part of me really admires people who have the brass neck to do these things. It's a real "if you can't beat 'em join 'em" attitude. Can't afford a river side home on a marina? Simple. Just get in your boat, sail off to B&Q and erect fencing to create your own riverside dwelling.

I suspect he has an entitled name like Jeffrey.

The lovely plumber also shares my horror. Exact words "bloody hell, they can't do THAT". So I am feeling RIGHT.

Am very much enjoying the thread contributers telling me where I live is crap though, and also 'not on a marina'. You are funny.

Jeffrey Fencewanker. I might get him a plaque.

OP,

If approx. 70% of MN posters are to be believed, squeaking trampoline springs and small kids daring to bounce upon them seem to send most people into enough apoplectic rage to want to flee...

Anyone's you could borrow?

coveting. IPhone doesn't do biblical-speak evidently.

Phew! That had me puzzled !

I don't think trampolines are a good idea I our gardens as we'd likely be fishing small children out of a swamp

And I'm envious of anyone living near water

Definitely do what scampimom said.

I'm now a bit crosser about the tree to be honest.

All trees in a conservation area are protected. You cannot just go lopping of branches. Also it's nesting season.

I want to push him in.

Yes, that's true!

Do they sell all-enclosed trampoline safety nets including a roof, too?!

I like scampis suggestion a lot. But I want to keep my moral high ground. Which is getting higher and higher.

Oh OK. How about painting SORRY I PAINTED THE WORD TWAT ON YOUR FENCE

Should I do TWAT in red and the rest in white do you think? So it looks like contrition?