To want a film I don't feel comfortable with, turned off?

[Knightly]

DH and I were just casually sitting, flicking through channels. He stopped on one film, no idea what it's called, but it had already started in full swing.

I didn't have a clue to the story line and neither did DH so not able to fill me in. He said he knew roughly he thought and her identity was different and she was in hospital.

Next thing I know a woman has woken up in a hospital gown screaming and looking at her hands.

Then some nurse brings in this bloke who has paid to have sex (rape), with her. Nurse was under impression she was still knocked out. Nurse leaves and when rapist gets to it, she bites his tongue off.

I said "DH, I don't feel comfortable with this. Can you turn it off?"

"No, ffs"

I said "Well I am leaving the room then because I feel uncomfortable".

"Fuck sake. Fine! I'll turn it off"

I said "Don't worry, I'm going anyway due to the way you're speaking to me".

He said "Well no, it's just always about what you want".

Was I being unreasonable here? It didn't help that I didn't know the story line, so essentially film was just graphic scenes with no plot to me.

Also, anyone know what film it is? Is on now.

Ok, they were not in bed!

"Shocked"? Really?

It's not a rape scene because there's no rape in it, visible or otherwise.

Just like a scene where people talk about past murder is not a murder scene, and one where people talk about war is not a war scene.

They were in "their room"'which I assumed meant their bedroom, as a winding down prior to actually going to bed.

littleducks, rape IS horrifying but - and it's actually a big BUT - the film isn't about rape but revenge. It's disturbing, shocking but utterly awesome and the storyline and cast is tremendous.

It's obvious that you haven't seen the film(s) because if you had, you would understand the context of it. Tarrantino (who I actually think is a bit of a twit) didn't show any rape at all but the insinuation is strong. If it wasn't then none of the rest of the plot would really make sense or impact your feelings much.

In real life, many rape victims are powerless at the time and the horrendous aftershocks continue for years if not for all time. I was raped and I know this to be true in my case but I can also tell you that whilst I was frozen at the scene you're referring to, I was cheering Uma Thurman all the way through every film and in a way, even though it sounds stupid, I felt it was a salve for me too, salvation even.

OP - perhaps get the TV out of the bedroom. You and your husband should have a room that each of you can go to when you don't like the other's viewing choice.

Did you miss the fact that the OP and her husband were in bed Cote? So OP should leave her bed and sleep elsewhere to pander to her husband's desire to watch a film (which by all accounts he wasn't exactly enthralled by)? If the dh so desperately wanted to see the film he could have gone and watched it elsewhere or recorded it to watch later.

Partners should have enough love and respect for one another to not willingly want to make one or other uncomfortable.

She asked him to turn it off and he swore at her and said no. She then decided to leave him to watch it and he swore at her again and switched it off and stropped. She didn't prevent him from watching it! When she said it made her uncomfortable he could have said 'oh, I'm really enjoying this, do you mind going through the house or shall I record it to watch later, dear?' He was in the wrong.

I have seen and enjoyed Kill Bill, but the fact that she's been raped multiple times by the nurse and others is more disturbing than a rape scene onscreen - you don't have to watch the rape happening to be horrified! And frankly that it has no bearing on the plot is the definition of gratuitous rape. She could have woken up, killed someone to steal his car and gone on the rampage in 30 seconds and left more time for the plot points. Tarantino chose to add in the long scene of near rape and tongue biting to titilate and scare the audience. He didn't intend it to be brushed aside by people going 'oh it wasn't actually rape so it doesn't matter'!

It's an attempted rape scene, cut off fairly early on in the attempted rape. In the scene it becomes apparent that the unconscious victim has been repeatedly raped by anyone the orderly has allowed, for up to 6 years. The victim is paralyzed initially and it's not immediately clear that she will be able to fight off this current attacker. It is a disturbing scene and the subsequent violence is bloody, in the Tarantino style. It isn't a rape scene. But that doesn't mean it's any less disturbing to some people.

But, it doesn't really matter what this particular film was about. The reaction of the DH was unkind and inconsiderate, which is surprising in the context of a loving long term relationship.

*wouldn't make sense

I took the 'in our room' comment from the OP to indicate they were in the bedroom, apologies, if that's not what the OP meant.

Not surprising at all really, AB since this thread has several folk implying op should just suck it up since the film doesn't have any rape scenes

Empathy/sympathy being in short supply is not an unusual scenario it would seem

"Did you miss the fact that the OP and her husband were in bed Cote?"

Yes, I did "miss" that because OP's 1st sentence is "DH and I were just casually sitting, flicking through channels..." which doesn't sound like being in bed at all.

Lying witch- like I said in first post I chose not to watch the film because of that scene. Someone else was in the room watching it, I was busy but heard the dialogue and left room because I was so disgusted.

This was years ago but on reading the OP I immediately guessed it was the same film. So I may not have the context of the whole film, but I didn't need it to decide my opinion of that scene

I'm not saying everyone should have such a strong reaction but I am (yes, really) shocked by the minimising of the scene on here. It wasn't just 'talking' about rape in am abstract sense. The guy is there ready to rape her, again.

Maybe having a telly in the bedroom is the issue then?

We don't have one in the bedroom, and neither of our screens in the lounge are hooked up to live telly.

It would just be such a total non-event here if one of us wanted to watch something the other didn't fancy. It's just a googly box. I couldn't care less if it's on or off anyway unless GoT is on.

It's Kill Bill volume one and that scene is incredibly disturbing if you haven't seen the film from the start. Taken out of context it can be highly triggering. I love Kill Bill, but if someone had asked to turn it over because they were upset about it, I would have done it in a heartbeat.

There is a film called Frances (about the film star Frances Farmer) starring Jessica Lange. Some of the scenes in it are horrific (quite similar to what you describe OP). I turned it over, couldn't watch it and then turned it back again as I wanted to know her story.

YWNBU to ask for it to be turned over.

"implying op should just suck it up since the film doesn't have any rape scenes"

That's not what people are saying.

People are saying she has the right to be disturbed by whatever she finds disturbing, but that it's not a rape scene, it did not develop into a rape scene, and that it's not a "rape film".

^^ there is some more

"'s not a rape scene because there's no rape in it, visible or otherwise.

Just like a scene where people talk about past murder is not a murder scene, and one where people talk about war is not a war scene."

No people are saying it's not rape because he's killed before he can rape her this time.

So the correct analogy would be a serial murderer isn't a murderer because he gets killed while standing over a potential victim who he doesn't kill this time.

In fact if I knew that the person I was watching it with had been abused there would be no discussion, it would be turned over immediately and without hesitation and an explanation as to why.

Your partner was being very unreasonable and inconsiderate.

It's irrelevant what the scene was or whether in anyone's opinion the film in question is the best film ever made or a steaming pile of shit, the OP was disturbed and uncomfortable and a decent respectful partner would not have reacted as her dh did, there were several other options available to her dh than the one he chose.

I hate all scenes of sexual violence.

This scene is particularly grim because of the Vaseline comments and you know the rapes have been happening for years. You don't need to see an actual rape to feel grimmed out by what is said. I saw it years ago and thinking about it now still makes me feel sick.

Interestingly on IMDb there was some chat thread about a particularly horrible rape scene in a different film. Men on there were complaining that it was 'too graphic' (the woman was hit/punched while being raped) and they couldn't therefore get their sexual kicks from the rape scene. Apparently 'normal' rape scenes were a turn on to them. I hate films 'shoving in a rape scene', feels like it's for people to wank over

As opposed to in say The Accused, where it is important to the film.

littleducks, I didn't mean to pick on your post as there are lots of other posters saying exactly the same as you. Of course your opinion of the film is valid, I'm just giving another.

To the thread generally; we're all different and react to things differently.  It doesn't mean a lack of awareness or empathy to disagree with others'  perception.  Some of us have experienced rape and can see beyond the off-screen rape because the film is more than that, much more.  If you don't agree then you don't agree.  I'm always ok with that.

I think the particular movie and scene are a bit of a red herring.

What matters here is the husband's reaction. He swore at her for asking to turn it off, he swore at her for leaving and had a strop. According to him her only option was to sit and watch a movie she found triggering and upsetting,just so he could get his own way "for once". This is never ok,especially if he knows about OP's past.

In fact if I knew that the person I was watching it with had been abused there would be no discussion, it would be turned over immediately and without hesitation and an explanation as to why.

This.

It was very, very, very inconsiderate of him to insist on the movie, even though he obviously didn't think it interesting enough to properly watch.

Interestingly on IMDb there was some chat thread about a particularly horrible rape scene in a different film. Men on there were complaining that it was 'too graphic' (the woman was hit/punched while being raped) and they couldn't therefore get their sexual kicks from the rape scene. Apparently 'normal' rape scenes were a turn on to them.

That's so disgusting! Though sadly, I am not surprised.

The scene in question could actually be edited (because what she does next is in the realm of fantasy; as is a lot of the violence in the film - and it is a violent film). However, sexual violence doesn't belong to fantasy - it is an everyday occurrence for millions of women throughout the world.

iwasjust I think you were both being U ... You could have given it a chance since you knew your DP was interested. Turns out it's an amazing film but now neither of you may ever know.

You think someone should have to watch horrible scenes of violence because their partner is interested in it? And even when they have been subject to sexual violence themselves?

gamer So in other words you have no clue and haven't actually seen the film in person?

I've seen it. It's horrible. I saw it (and Kill Bill 1) years ago and all I remember is violence and feeling sick and just ugh. Because I went along with what someone else wanted to watch (twatty abusive ex). I basically wasted three hours (or whatever) of my life - worse than wasted, in fact, as it put disturbing scenes into my memory.

zippey Kill Bill has a lot of unsavoury scenes - Elle's eye gouged out, severed head, killing of a single mother in front of her child, mass slaughter of Japanese Yakuza, and rape. It's brilliant.

Oh, yes, fantastic. I find it really enjoyable watching people hurt and kill each other.

Surely there's a link between films marketed at men being more violent and the epidemic levels of male violence in society? Surely not flinching at these disturbing scenes is a bit worrying? Revenge on a rapist could be a great film, but Kill Bill is just... so obviously from a man's point of view. Do women generally find the idea of violent revenge satisfying after a sexual assault? I don't.

So many violent scenes in films are pointless too! A brief bit of well-choreographed fighting to show off prowess, fair enough. But usually it's like "pause the storyline whilst some men fight" .