To want a film I don't feel comfortable with, turned off?

[Knightly]

DH and I were just casually sitting, flicking through channels. He stopped on one film, no idea what it's called, but it had already started in full swing.

I didn't have a clue to the story line and neither did DH so not able to fill me in. He said he knew roughly he thought and her identity was different and she was in hospital.

Next thing I know a woman has woken up in a hospital gown screaming and looking at her hands.

Then some nurse brings in this bloke who has paid to have sex (rape), with her. Nurse was under impression she was still knocked out. Nurse leaves and when rapist gets to it, she bites his tongue off.

I said "DH, I don't feel comfortable with this. Can you turn it off?"

"No, ffs"

I said "Well I am leaving the room then because I feel uncomfortable".

"Fuck sake. Fine! I'll turn it off"

I said "Don't worry, I'm going anyway due to the way you're speaking to me".

He said "Well no, it's just always about what you want".

Was I being unreasonable here? It didn't help that I didn't know the story line, so essentially film was just graphic scenes with no plot to me.

Also, anyone know what film it is? Is on now.

It is a rape scene, what else is that scene about? It's showing an attempted rape and telling of multiple passed rapes. We don't know while watching if the rape will be carried out or not.

bambambini... Getting 'caught' once I understand if you've not seen the film but to repeat watch a film which you know has scenes that you find 'fucking upsetting' is craziness.

There are many scenes in movies i find upsetting but will watch the movie again as it's easier to watch already knowing the outcome (sometimes good, sometimes bad). Sometimes i look away or skip really upsetting scenes if i like the rest of the movie.

Some movies like 7even - i've never watched again and don't plan to. I avoid torture porn type movies as the intent is to be a disturbing as possible.

OP, you need a plan. Find out when Steel Magnolias or Beaches is on next, switch the channel to it half way into it and demand he watch that shite. That'll learn him.

You don't know what's going to happen in any movie you watch for the first time (or most works of fiction) unless some fecker has ruined the plot for you beforehand. Discussions and disagreements over interpretation of plot etc is perfectly normal and part of the enjoyment.

I understand that. For myself, I find real life programmes far more distressing than a film ever could upset me because even though what happens in a film is often 'true to life', it's not 'real' what is happening to the actors and I can disassociate because of that. There are other things that I could just never watch, ever.

We're all different and have different triggers.

my last post was to Bambambini

That doesnt sound as bad ad Human Caterpillar.

gamerchick Kill bill isn't about rape revenge. There was no rape scene in it. Talk about hand wringing!

As I said, I watched it years ago and don't really remember it except the horrible violence. Posters were talking about it as if the whole point was she was getting revenge. It's even worse if the attempted rape and allusions to repeated previous rapes are in the film for no good reason.

I find it bizarre that you see it as the norm to enjoy watching violence. I don't need to justify not wanting to see violence and death - its not "hand-wringing" to wonder why stuff deemed terrible in real-life is somehow enjoyable to watch as entertainment.

Vestal "Do women generally find the idea of violent revenge satisfying after a sexual assault?"

I do, but only in theory.
Don't want to see graphic violence.
Also, I prefer that there be no sexual assault in the first place, so there's nothing that would require revenge.

Actually I agree with that - I suppose that's what I meant. I certainly wouldn't find the film enjoyable from that perspective.

If you don't like violence then don't watch Quentin Tarantino films.

As for the OP he should have recorded it and turned if off if it bothered his lady. I do it with hand maids tale for eg which the husband thinks is garbage without seeing it and he records his shite. Give and take.

I don't watch Poldark but doesn't he rape his ex? And isn't that character some sort of heart throb? I find that bizarre

He would've made the same response of frustration if I'd have got up and left without asking him to turn it off
Knightly what response does he want other than being happy to watch it? Does he expect you to shut up and sit through films regardless of whether you want to?

I don't have a problem with murder stories but if an animal is in there, it ruins everything for me
Me too CharlieBB22. Although I am OK with watching rape, torture, gorey or murder scenes, etc, I find anything involving an animal suffering or dying very difficult and, like you, it stays with me. I used to watch lots of undercover animal cruelty videos/documentaries but I've had a gut full now. They haunt me and I mainly want to avoid stuff like that now. An ex-boyfriend couldn't understand why I wouldn't watch Marley and Me with him. It's because the bloody dog dies in the end! I've lost plently of beloved animals, I don't want to dredge up the grief by watching a film where I know the animal dies. He just couldn't understand because it's "a lovely film"

So depictions of sexual violence are ok if it's Quentin Tarantino?
I saw a Peter Greenaway film once, The Baby of Macon, which showed a woman being raped numerous times by numerous men until the physical toil killed her. I walked out. Just because it's presented as "art" doesn't make it right.

Depictions of sexual violence are all over the telly all the time. It's a bit strange to pick on one producer and not for example, the script writers on Corrie or the producers of silent witness

Quentin Tarantino produces a certain type of film. If you watch it expecting something different it's a bit like punching yourself in the head and complaining it hurts.

Indeed. So you don't need to watch it to realise it's not going to be your cup of tea.

Kill Bill Volumes 1 and 2 are great films!!

The scene being discussed makes for uncomfortable viewing in my opinion simply because of how blasé the male nurse is about taking money off men to allow them to have sex with women in comas. It's just a really horrible and upsetting thought. The line about the Vaseline was in my eyes unnecessary and unpleasant.

However, it is not a rape scene, there is no rape theme to the storyline and the film is not about rape.

In fact the whole concept of men paying to have sex with unconscious women doesn't contribute anything to the film's storyline so I don't really understand why that scene is in there anyway.....

Writer if men are having sex with comatose women, how is that not rape?

Some ignorant comments on here

It's Kill Bill Vol 1. It's an amazing film but not for the overly sensitive.

It is implied that it happened in the past it is not shown in the film. I don't think anyone has said it is not rape, just that it is not SHOWN as the rapist is violently killed before he rapes the main character.

It's not "over sensitive" to dislike watching extremely gory violence or sexual violence. It's a normal reaction and no one needs to try and shame or judge anyone else for not liking it. The fact that liking watching extreme violence and sexual violence is considered the norm says a lot about us as a society, imo. And not in a good way.

*.......if men are having sex with comatose women, how is that not rape?"

It is rape - where have I said it isn't?

I've said the film isn't about rape. The scene being discussed (which doesn't even show a woman being raped) is a few minutes long in a 2-3 hour film.......that does not make the theme of the film rape.

As I said - it's so inconsequential to the film's storyline that it doesn't even need to be in there. I'm guessing Tarantino was trying to add some 'shock factor' to the film but it's so unnecessary.

Maybe we should have more violent humiliating scenes of men being raped in movies

John-Paul in Hollyoaks was raped by Finn but as it's teatime viewing there weren't any particularly violent scenes from memory.

It's not something that is just ignored. I suppose the amount of times it's portrayed correlates with the amount of times it happens (or is reported) in real life?

Wasn't there a scene in Lawrence of Arabia where he was raped by a Turkish soldier/guard? Been a while since I've watched it. Attempted rape in Midnight Express too from memory.

I'm sure there's plenty more examples apart from that, Deliverance and Pulp Fiction

I agree somewhat. I find it particularly disturbing that mainstream tv can show depictions of naked dead raped women on crime dramas with graphic autopsy scenes and descriptions of the violent death they suffered.
I also find the whale and baby whale from the blue planet being killed by orcas upsetting and shocking. We all have our triggers.
Everyone has an off button, but unless you're advocating censorship it is about personal preference