To think that if you can't afford the £500 deposit

[orangesquashthethird]

You shouldn't be booking a 15k wedding for 11 weeks time hoping that someone (your parents) will pay for all of it, including the deposit that is needed immediately for a venue they haven't even viewed!

Bride is a 20 year old on minimum wage in a full time job..

Groom is a 23 year old who is at uni receiving student loans.

If they're taking over a cancellation it may be quite cheap - the venue will be desperate to fill the slot. There are even sites catering to that market. Cheap's a very comparative term, though!

Wedding planning is a load of hooey in my opinion. It gets as complicated as you want it to. I had a wedding planned within a month - bought a dress, booked the venue and chose food/drink, ordered cake and flowers. Invites aren't too massive a deal either. If you are using a venue's caterers then they sort all of it out for you. A lot of the hassle is just RSVPs and the shorter the timeframe the simpler that is. Then again, we only asked 30 odd people! But even so, so much of the drama is about useless crap that costs money and nobody gives a hoot about - table plans, favours, endless attendants.

My main concern would be the fact that they are so young and so unrealistic - not a great start to a relationship requiring incessant and lifelong compromise, that.

Quite a few girls grow up knowing their parents have saved and will pay for a lavish wedding. Their families are very happy to pay for it for them.
It could be that this is the moment.

11 weeks is a short period until a wedding, but it can happen that fast.

I had a 6 month engagement at 30. My parents paid for it all (apart from dress which it is traditional for bride to pay for) and once we decided to marry, wanted to get on with it and weren't living together until married. The wedding wasn't hugely lavish, but we did have 100 people to a sit down meal and another 50 to an evening do too.

My parents were thrilled to treat us to our big day. At 30 we could have paid ourselves, but might have spent a bit less without parents paying or contributing.

Some of this thread sounds like sour grapes to me. I have no idea of the background to this Wedding, but if the Bride and Groom have had enough time to be sure this marriage is right for their lives then if parents are happy to pay, then great. It would seem odd to commit to huge cost without parents having discussed it, I agree. However, I do think some people are rather mean and grudging about parents paying out for weddings.

I would hope to pay for my DCs weddings when the time comes. I would hope our relationship is good enough for us to talk it all through but for the DC to choose the weddings they want within reason, and that they will be properly ready to marry......who knows how things will turn out in reality!

I'm a cousin

And its absolutely none of your business.

I'm a cousin

And its absolutely none of your business.

I would be amazed if a nice stately home had vacancies most are booked between 13-18 months ahead and would send a deposit of £4000 on booking. I know because my dd got married 3 years ago and prices will have gone up since then. Best to wait until they can afford what they want. Many deposits are non-refundable. You should warn them of this.

I got married last year chose off peak period and weekday on restricted menu at a boutique hotel plus disco and church came to around 7k hotel was in the leak district. If your clever you can get them reasonable but 4k is rather tight

Where's the leak district? 😄😄 It could apply to the Lakes or the Peaks.

It all sounds very hurried and unthought about, but I don't see why you're so involved and bothered, it's not going to affect you. Surely?

They can't get £500 together then expect everybody else to sort it out 😂 ungrateful brats.

My wedding cost £5k which me and my parents organised. We had the ceremony in the local church then went to the village hall for the reception. The food was amazing which was a family effort and the place was beautifully decorated. Everybody commented how lovely it was.

I went to my cousins wedding the December before mine, there was no shortage of money there but it was a shambles! The guests were starving and naff all food was available, waiting staff were unorganised and the tables were crap! Money had been thrown at it with no thought.

We got married at 22 (me) and 24 (husband) and we were very short on cash but we managed a church wedding and stately home reception.
Church - we paid for
Rings - cheapest acceptable we could find
Suits - we rented
Dress - bridal warehouse sale
Car - gift from sister
Flowers - Ikea orchids and minimal bouquet/ corsages/ posies for flower girls
Invitations - made ourselves
Cake - M&S cake with my friend's employee discount pimped up a bit
Disco - we paid
Wedding breakfast, evening buffet and room hire - my parents paid.

This is all 15 years ago but my point is there are other ways to do things. You don't have to buy into the wedding hype, it costs as much as you want it to cost. I was young when I got married but would never have expected my parents to pay for all of it despite my husband to be being out of work and me only just earning minimum wage.

Ours was fairly bells and whistles and was about £30k, I think. Good food, wine, champagne (free bar), band, venues, church, dress, photographer. But the cheapest M&S fruit cake (put our flowers on top) for wedding cake and no snazzy cars, just taxis.

We actually looked at some country house (whole house hire) weddings, but they were insanely expensive. Insanely.

Yes £30k is a ludicrous amount to spend on a single day. Yes it makes me wince. I'd have been delighted with the aforementioned village hall and barn dance, but the in-laws wanted something more traditional and were insistent on paying for most of it and could afford it.

We booked our wedding at the end of April for July 2020 cause realistically, it's going to take us 3 years to pay it. That's £6500 for the venue which includes the cake, flowers, dj, ceremony, meal for 50 and evening buffet for 100. We then have £1500 for my dress (I know it's a lot but I'm in love with it and am saving to afford it), £2-3000 for groom's kilt, his sons kilt, bridesmaid and flower girl outfits and then it's another £500 for the celebrant, £500 for led backdrop and table skirt for the top table.

It all adds up pretty quickly but we saved £1000 by the time we booked so more than the £500 deposit and we have another 3 years to pay up... they're being quite selfish in thinking other people will stump up that amount of money. My mum has said she will help as out as much as she can but it's not expected of her.
Sorry but I'm really judging your cousins selfishness if the parents can't afford to pay... not even giving a whole year to pay either.

Yes £30k is a ludicrous amount to spend on a single day

I dont think it is and would never apologise for it,

The wedding fiasco is bad enough, just wonder where and how they are going to live with no funds to their name. Disaster all round.

We got married in a Friday in march in a country house that is run by our local council. We arranged it in 12 weeks and including dress and suits and cake all in cost £2500 - 5 years ago, it was an AMAZING day and I wouldn't call change a single thing or spend any more!!

manicmij - I imagine they'll do what most young people starting out do - they'll be skint, share a crappy flat with friends, take jobs they hate, panic over bills and eat cheap noodles.

I always thought that was normal when you were students/just out of uni. DH and I got together when I was a student and he was unemployed and we were flat broke when we moved in together. We shared a single bed for a while as we couldn't afford a new one and our first sofa was rescued from a skip.

Then we grew up. Jesus, the smugness on this thread.

That's ridiculous. If they can't afford the deposit it's obvious they can't afford the wedding. If their parents are indulgent enough to pay for it all, then more fool them.

Being grown up means learning to stand on your own two feet and that includes paying your way. Plus, taking their ages into account they're much too young to get married. Are they just in love with the idea of having a special day? If it's marriage they're really interested in I'd suggest Gretna Green just to see the reaction.

A wedding can cost as little as £120. . £80 for registry office ceremony and £40 for the banns.

We are going to a £50,000 wedding later this year.
( faints)

They do seem quite immature but you shouldn't state that a particular age is too young to get married as everybody is different.

I got married at 19 and nobody said that we were too young, many have said to me and my husband are old souls on young shoulders.