To think that if you can't afford the £500 deposit

[orangesquashthethird]

You shouldn't be booking a 15k wedding for 11 weeks time hoping that someone (your parents) will pay for all of it, including the deposit that is needed immediately for a venue they haven't even viewed!

Bride is a 20 year old on minimum wage in a full time job..

Groom is a 23 year old who is at uni receiving student loans.

I got married 5 years ago. We had about 120 people to church, drinks and nibbles at yhe chutch, an evening reception with sit down meal followed by a disco and free bar. A week latter we went on honey moon to Nice for a week. All in werror spent about 4k. How? Easy we didn't use wedding suppliers at apl. The venue was our village hall, the catering was by a company mainly doing tv/film work, the flows were ordered as flowers not wedding flowers, we delivered the deinks and nibbles to the church before the wedding, OK the church knew we were getting married and managed to bump the price up...book a christening next time! The disco was a home brew, I bought a cheap pa system and a friend bought his PC with his i-whatever music. We bought the drinks from tesco and borrowed ice boxes and fridges, the unopened went back. Honeymoon was booked as a short break. It suited us perfectly, family and friends came in from around the world and everyone enjoyed it. So it really doesn't need to be expensive but I guess some people want it to be, that's OK so long as they can afford it.

I got married at 21 when we were both students, so am in no position to criticise someone marrying at 20, I suppose, but looking back 35 years my parents must have been worried it wouldn't last (unnecessarily as things have turned out, though! ). They paid for the whole thing, with a contribution from my PILs, which was very kind of them all, but possibly more the norm back then. We paid for the honeymoon. If we'd married a few years later when we were both working I would have expected that the two of us would have footed most of the bill.

However, the scenario OP is describing seems a bit different to our position. My parents were very keen for us to get on and get married as prior to that we were living in sin and they offered to pay. Changed times! I think even my parents, who are very socially conservative, would now accept that it is not a good idea to rush into marriage until you've had a chance to get to know each other in both good times and bad. My husband and I were lucky that as we continued to grow up we remained very compatible. Lots of people change immensely as they go through their 20s. I hope they don't rush into having children.

OP's cousin's parents would do well to sit her down and have a long, serious talk, but I'm not getting the impression that the cousin would take that well. Sad.

If neither of them has the maturity or common sense to see how ridiculous their wedding plans are in their current financial situation, it doesn't bode well for their marriage, imo.

The one I found did Barbara! Plus drinks and an evening buffet too, all for 3k. The tradeoff is generally that you have between one and all of a weekday, a less popular time of year and short notice.

This does my head in.
Fine, if you can afford it, spend as much money as you like on a wedding (although I think it's a terrible waste of money) but don't if you can't afford it and expect someone else to cough up!

Because we were skint, but wanted the end result, you know, the actual marriage, rather than a big party, we just did it. Registry office, a couple of witnesses, job done.
Cost us less than £500, including taking the witnessess for lunch after.

Agreed, you can get quite a few last minute mid week packages for £1,000 or so for 50 guests (3 course simple meal), plus evening buffet/event. Even in SW London i have seen that sort of offer from time to time.

But at 11 weeks, the £500 deposit would be nothing but a holding amount for a few days before the full whack is needed. And then its likely that none of the other bits that go with a £15k wedding are available this last minute (ie a fantastic dress usually takes 9 months to order, photographer and DJ/Band all booked up). So you'd be in an amazing location but in a dress off the rack (which is fine for lots of people) and with an M&S cake (again fine but doesn't sound like this is this couples expectation))

So interested to see how this goes! She might even struggle to get a dress this late now!

I would actually say dress is the least likely to be a problem. There are loads of places you can buy off the peg. Failing that, there's always Ebay and even somewhere like Monsoon or Debenhams. True that you're not going to get the sort of dress that people who go for stately homes might want though,

I imagine if the big wedding is so important an off the peg high street dress is not going to do though?

This marriage has all the marks of longevity on it. Not.
Will Daddy pay for the divorce as well? Next year?

Well YANBU but I can't understand why you're so invested in it. Their problem, they can sort it.

How do you know all this information about this couple's personal financial matters, and what both sets of their parents "apparently" are doing or unhappy with, and the type of wedding they "apparently" want? Are people gossiping and sniping about the couple behind their back?

Ha! We spent about 4-5K and had civil ceremony + 3 course dinner in a posh pub/restaurant for 25, minimal flowers, homemade invites, homemade cake, minimal flowers, homemade bridesmaid dresses, favours off Etsy, cheap dress, groom and BM in own suits + cheap photography package. Music on ipod.

No cars, no evening do.

It's not going to happen. Buy them a wedding magazine - they all have a page with an estimate of costs in and how early you have to book everything

Why are the parents not telling them that they won't be giving them £15K?!

You know quite a lot about others private financial affairs don't you OP.

Ours was about close to 15k and our honeymoon was 8k, PIL paid for the venue (no church - civil ceremony), catering and the photographer. My mum paid for my dress (1k) and my Aunt kindly paid for our band.

To be honest, right after our engagement PIL offered to pay at least half otherwise we probably would not have been as extravagant if they weren't chipping in.

That said, DH were prepared to cut costs if we didn't have financial help, plus we already had been together for 5 years.

The couple in question sound all about the day and not the actual marriage.

I've told mine I am not paying for weddings. Waste of money. I'm happy to contribute towards a house deposit.

I'm getting married this year and it's looking about £18,000 all in. The venue and food were over £10,000 alone- but those were two things neither of wanted to compromise on. Add in BM dresses (and alterations for a will-be heavily pregnant sister!), my dress, suit hire, ceremony music, evening entertainment, cake, photographer, bar hire, flowers etc and here we are. And we haven't gone particularly overboard or had a "fuck it" moment and just picked something really pricey for the hell of it.

My sister did hers for about £6-7,000, but she pulled in a few favours and managed to scam the church and reception venue for free. I heard through an acquaintance of a girl who spent £40,000 on hers- pricey venue, singing waiters, local kebab house did the evening food, coaches for everyone up to a bar where there was a lock in afterwards, etc. Apparently her mum and dad remortgaged their house to help with it. Now that just blows my mind.

Anyway, chances are this wedding OP's talking about isn't going to happen. It's not the just venue, there's deposits for everything. If they can't get the finance sorted soon it's just not going to happen. And if the parents help out with this barmy plan then more fool them.

Wed2B dresses are all off the peg and around the £500 mark. Plenty of poufy frocks there, if that's what the bride is after. There are branches all over the place.

Well that bodes well. Sounds like it's about the party not the marriage- so wouldn't hold my breath on permanency. Sounds like a silly overexcited couple who are too immature to make the commitment necessary for a successful outcome.

I think our whole wedding cost less than £500 and we're still happy 20 years later

I can't understand big white weddings and the parents who pay for all this

The average wedding in the UK costs £18,250.

Oh dear oh dear.

It really won't end well will it?

Here is a useful reminder of why when your child demands those Barbie high heels, you need to say "No".

Well YANBU but I can't understand why you're so invested in it.

Are you sure MN is the right place for you with that attitude?

What those people need to do is grow up.