To think that if you can't afford the £500 deposit

[orangesquashthethird]

You shouldn't be booking a 15k wedding for 11 weeks time hoping that someone (your parents) will pay for all of it, including the deposit that is needed immediately for a venue they haven't even viewed!

Bride is a 20 year old on minimum wage in a full time job..

Groom is a 23 year old who is at uni receiving student loans.

If it's a country house wedding it must be midweek or a cancellation if they're only booking 11 weeks ahead so they may well get a good deal.
Our parents each gave us 10k when we got engaged and suggested we could use it for a wedding or a house. We had already saved for a house so spent it all on the wedding, had an amazing time. No regrets. And we aren't entitled or unambitious as some other posters have suggested
We are very lucky and very aware of that.
If they hadn't offered us the money we would still have married, probably a year or two later and a much lower key wedding but it wouldn't have mattered.

Are parents still expected to pay for weddings, generally I mean - not just in this instance? While I'd be happy to contribute, I find the idea of parents paying completely outdated. We paid for our own, my parents paid for my dress (not traditional so it was £130) and towards the cake. It came to £3k total and everyone said it was the nicest wedding they'd been to.

Dh and I have 4 dc between us. If we're expected to pay for weddings and uni then we'll likely be spending the rest of our lives in poverty!

15k is a ridiculous amount, especially if its not even your own money. They need to sit down and work out how much they can afford to spend alone and then ask the parents if they want to contribute at all. That's what we did.

We got married last october, saved £2500 ourselves and our parents put it 1k each so we had £4.5k all together. This is seen as a meagre budget to some! our wedding was small and perfect for us.

Yes it's a cancellation on the country house. No invitations sent out yet, they haven't even looked at the venue let alone thought about speaking to a Vicar! I think their entitled attitude is not just about the money but somehow thinking a wedding like this just "organises itself" within a few weeks. There is no concept of the planning needed.

I must admit, my parents paid for my wedding - £13k in total. I didn't really think that was that unusual, although I was very grateful, of course.

We had a fabulous day, and are still married 13 years later with a nice house and good jobs so I don't think our not paying for our wedding was sign of deep seated moral decay. Second the suggestion that the 11 week gap suggests a good last minute deal. Also, it's really between the couple and their parents - not really appropriate for the OP to know so much about private family finances.

OP Keep MN informed.

And keep your pockets buttoned when they send the begging bowl round!

Just bride marking here...👰👰👰

My first wedding cost £500 and took just under 3 weeks to organise. It lasted 13 years so I had my money's worth

I'm not having a second.

Obviously it's obnoxious expecting her parents to pony up the other 11k, but if they're wanting to get married in 11 weeks and not even bothered thinking seriously about planning anything, the money side probably isn't the stupidest thing going on here. I mean, from what you've said, her parents might well pay it. That's more realistic than eg the notice of intent to marry organising itself!

Also yes, if they do have 4k and only 50 guests they could probably get a nice wedding somewhere. Not stately home nice, probably, but a decent hotel trying to get itself established or a cancellation. A level up from village hall and barn dance (which I love actually!). That type of thing. Packages are often cheap in October and early November, the dead time between summer wedding season and Christmas parties. Especially if they would consider a weekday.

The last wedding I went to cost the Registrar's fees and a meal at an Indian restaurant for six. It was lovely.

The next but one that I am going to is going to cost at an informed guess £75000 and I don't expect much pleasure from it.

Slight tangent but weddings are so expensive now. So expensive! On these threads you get loads of people going 'oh my wedding cost a grand for 80 people' but they're always people who married more than a decade ago and it is a lot different now.

We got married a couple of weeks ago in the register office and went for a meal afterwards. It cost around £1500 just for that. That's the register office (£400) and the meal and a drink for the guests that is no evening reception and doesn't include anything else like the dress etc.

Anyway back to the OP they shouldn't expect anyone to contribute, they should change their plans to suit their small budget like pretty much everyone does. My own parents made a contribution though, because they wanted to.

They could definitely have a 'late availability' deal making it cheaper.

My wedding cost about £12k and we were conservative compared to a lot I know. Reception was Michelin recommended and we love food, so coughed up over £5k for that for about 50 people. Church wasn't far off £1k. Rings were about £2.5k. The other £3.5k was dress/veil/suit/hair/make up/bridesmaid dresses/car/flowers/invites/decorations. Extortionate to many I am sure but we also got lots of good bargains to get ours down to £12k 😳 oh and that was no honeymoon factored in too!

Crazy with no money to book a wedding that will cost anything though!

They could have a nice wedding for £4,000 but not the kind of wedding that they want/expect, from what you've said. Especially not within 11 weeks; they could save some money by doing things themselves but it requires hard work and organisation, and even then there are some corners that can't be cut if they want the big traditional wedding (posh venues will demand a minimum is spent on food etc)
Keep us posted when reality hits!

You quite often get hotels doing a package for maybe 2 or 3 grand if you book late and on a weekday. Not the most fashionable or desirable places obviously, but nice enough.

My parents paid for most of my wedding. We were mid 20s and had not much money. I bought my own dress (400 quid) and paid half of each bridesmaid dress. I wanted to marry in the local church. My mum kind of took over and she ordered masses of flowers for the church for example which I never asked for. She also invited all her friends to the evening do, which given that she was paying I accepted at the time but looking back was a bit strange! We got 750 off the groom's parents for a honeymoon (a week in France) and they paid a couple of grand towards the Marquee etc. I think it was about 10 grand all in, 20 years ago.
I think in early 20s parents would expect to pay more towards a wedding than if you marry in your 30s or later. However obviously you have to discuss with parents what sort if wedding you want vs what sort of wedding you can afford. I think some of the comments on this thread are very mean spirited.

Sounds like they want a wedding rather than a marriage.

A civil ceremony and pub lunch for bride, groom and 2 witnesses would be less than their £500 deposit.

It’s not going to take long before they realise no-one can even pay the deposit never mind the full costs and they will need to cancel.

In fact I found a country house ish place for in budget. Warwick House, 3k for 50 guests:

www.lastminuteweddings.co.uk/offers/saturday-6th-january-2018/

It's midweek but even so, that's more than I thought would be available for that budget. 1k would get you outfits, a basic photographer and a cake. Lots of people could pull in favours for the last two anyway.

And this was with two minutes googling. There'll be more available, for sure.

well it depends. if parents havr told child they have 15k saved for a wedding its reasonable.
if no such agreement has been made its batshit.

I got married for a grand, a wedding costs as much as you want it to.

Weddings are only as expensive as you make them beyond the registry office fees. Everything else is optional.

The bride in the OP sounds like the one at a wedding I went to where the bride had obviously indulged in her 'princess for a day' fantasy and probably cost £20-30k. In his speech her dad made a comment about having to delay his retirement for a year to pay for it, and while it was probably all very light hearted, it was probably true.

Hotel wedding packages for £2-4k won't include a 3 course wedding breakfast for 50 guests.

Well the parents need to grow a pair and not be 'frightened of upsetting the bride'.

If they aren't prepared to put a stop to this ridiculous assumption that they have an open and unlimited chequebook, then it shouldn't come as any surprise to them that their daughter behaves like a spoiled and entitled little madam.

Oh and another one who says that a wedding costs as much as you make it. I got married for under a grand - I didn't want a big wedding and we were saving for a house deposit. My younger sister spent £25k - she already had a house and wanted a big wedding, so she and BIL saved for 5 years to afford it.

Have what you want, as long as you're prepared to pay for it.