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AIBU?

DH swearing around baby

107 replies

tonightonight · 24/06/2017 19:52

Okay, so firstly, I'm not going to leave him, that isn't the answer to this problem so please don't suggest that.
My DH is a fantastic dad. Honestly if there was one person destined to be a family man it was him. He is so supportive, kind, caring and more than I ever dreamed of.
But we have a problem. He swears all the time when he is frustrated. And it's not just 'fuck' under his breath. He full on shouts and storms around.
When our son is being difficult he gets so frustrated and shouts fuck this and fuck that. He won't fucking do this or there's nothing fucking wrong with him etc.
I've asked him to stop because a) I get very protective when he does this b) I hate the idea of anyone swearing at/around my baby and c) it's a bad habit to get into as the baby is only going to get bigger and more aware.
He says it's not a problem because he obviously won't do it when the baby can understand what he's saying but I really need him to stop. We've spoken about it and he promised he would and he did for a while, but it creeps back in and I'm fed up.
If I've had a long, difficult day of dealing with DS I feel like I don't get to 'share the load' when he gets in because I know he'll just get frustrated. DS rarely cries though, when he does it's loud and can sometimes only be soothed by going out in the pram or in the car. But as he's 6 months I need him to start being able to sooth himself a bit more. When DH is dealing with him when he's upset after I've been told to sit down and rest, I end up having to take over anyways and DH sulks that DS calms down around me.
Does that make any sense? Probably not, I'm a bit frazzled after another fight about it.

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GlitterRoseGold · 24/06/2017 19:53

What age is your dc

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GlitterRoseGold · 24/06/2017 19:54

Sorry just seen 6 months you've plenty of time to stop it I wouldn't worry. My dc is nearly 3 and I've accidentally cursed a few times and she hasn't picked it up

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PhyllisNights · 24/06/2017 19:54

Bring it up in front of his mother. That will stop it.

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retpally · 24/06/2017 19:55

My friends partner is like this. Obviously children tend to become more annoying but it needs to be reined it if that's his temper showing. Keep an eye.

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AnnieAnoniMouse · 24/06/2017 19:56

But as he's 6 months

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NavyandWhite · 24/06/2017 19:56

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BoraThirch · 24/06/2017 19:57

I think the swearing is irrelevant really - its the stomping around and losing his temper when a 6 month old is difficult that's the problem. How's he going to cope with a tantrumming 2 year old?

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tonightonight · 24/06/2017 19:58

@NavyandWhite it's when DS has been screaming for a while. He's very big for his age (DS) and stronger than he realises so it really hurts when he kicks out (sweat feel digging in and kicking out on bare legs, pulling on chest hair etc) and rather that starts to rile DH up. It hurts me too (no chest hair obvs but he does get the little hairs under my hair) but I can control my swearing, DH can't.

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LittleBearPad · 24/06/2017 19:59

The swearings less of an issue than the shouting and storming about

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delilahbucket · 24/06/2017 19:59

I'm sorry but if he's getting so mad at a baby it's only downhill from here. If anyone was shouting and swearing at my child all the time they wouldn't be allowed anywhere near. It isn't necessarily the language, a baby won't pick up on that. They will pick up on the mood though and seriously, how on earth can he get so cross at a baby?! It's not like he's with your DS and he's screaming none stop all day long.

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 24/06/2017 19:59

I'd be less concerned about the swearing than the anger and inability to control himself. In my experience 6 month olds are a walk in the park compared to toddlers who press all the right buttons to piss you off.

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NavyandWhite · 24/06/2017 20:01

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tonightonight · 24/06/2017 20:01

This is what I'm worried about. He'll either start to realise what effect it has on DS when he is able to respond aka cry harder, pull away from him, and that will make him realise it's not appropriate, or he'll continue and sulk. I'm so tempted to speak to his dad, I really get on with him and they are really close.

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thereallochnessmonster · 24/06/2017 20:03

When our son is being difficult he gets so frustrated and shouts fuck this and fuck that. He won't fucking do this or there's nothing fucking wrong with him etc.

WTF?? He sounds awful. That means you can't trust him to look after your baby on his own in case the baby makes him cross. You can't rely on him at all.

Can he control his temper round other people, and at work, OP? Is it just around your ds he loses it?

Even if your ds doesn't understand the words, he will certainly understand the anger and the intention behind them, even at this age. Horrible.

I'd ask your dh to move out and get some help. Seriously.

If he's like this with a BABY - his own baby! who he's meant to love and protect! - what will he be like with a wilful toddler or a teen??

Awful. Just awful.

One

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VeryButchyRestingFace · 24/06/2017 20:03

Honestly if there was one person destined to be a family man it was him

What exactly are you basing this on? Confused

And surely all that shouting and stomping must scare the baby?

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Six6 · 24/06/2017 20:05

"He full on shouts and storms around"

OP you have the right to live in your own home without this level of aggression being the norm. I hate swearing. DH respects that so he doesn't insult me by doing it in my presence. Your baby may not be aware of certain worlds yet, but he will pick up in the vibe and the fact that your anxious. You have a young baby and the least your DH can do is pull himself together. Your home should be a calm refuge, especially with a baby.

Don't even make it about the baby. Tell him you find it offensive and stressful and he is making you feel on edge.

He clearly doesn't have the patience to calm the baby in his own. This is another issue, but he needs to learn to hold it together first and stop acting out.

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iamavodkadrinker · 24/06/2017 20:05

He is not a fantastic dad. In fact he's pretty fucking shit OP.

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Hercules12 · 24/06/2017 20:07

He sounds awful. How will he cope when your ds is a toddler?

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Hercules12 · 24/06/2017 20:08

Would you or your dh mind if a stranger acted like that with your ds? I don't mean the swearing.

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Ginmakesitallok · 24/06/2017 20:08

Caring, supportive and kind men don't act like this. Imagine what he'll be like with a toddler Sad
6 month old babies don't wind people up - they are tiring and exhausting and hard work - but they don't wind kind supportive and caring people up.

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Dahlietta · 24/06/2017 20:10

I agree with all those saying it's not the swearing, it's the fact that he is so uncontrollably angry around a baby. What is he going to be like when your DS is a toddler?

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Wolfiefan · 24/06/2017 20:11

He can't control himself? WTAF?! He's an adult. Adults have self control.
If he can't control himself round a toddler tantrum or a stroppy teen what will he do? And what kind of example does this set your child?
He needs to grow the fuck up or get out.

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ElspethFlashman · 24/06/2017 20:13

It's not about swearing. I know I occasionally let out a "FFS" under my breath.

But I don't storm around swearing my head off in a temper cos a 6 month old baby has had the audacity to pull on my chest hair.

A 6 month old baby doesn't know what it's doing! It literally is just reacting to stimulus.

You're going to have a right shit show on your hands when the kid is 2 and actually has tantrums. You ain't seen nothing yet. I wonder what a great Dad you'll think he is then.

Every single time he starts at that shit, you have to remove your DS from his presence. Every single time. Just grab him and leave the room without a word. Show zero tolerance.

Cos clearly the rational approach does sweet fuck all. He has a temper and he clearly feels he should be able to lose it for fairly trivial reasons.

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53rdWay · 24/06/2017 20:19

He says it's not a problem because he obviously won't do it when the baby can understand what he's saying

So if he can stop that easily, why isn't he stopping now?

And if he can't stop easily, then he's going to get a hell of a lot worse once your DS hits toddler age.

I think your biggest issue here is that he doesn't want to stop because he doesn't see it as a problem. And it really, really is a problem.

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tonightonight · 24/06/2017 20:19

It's when it's all gotten too much for him.
He has been the person who has driven around all night with my son just to let us both have some rest, he has sat and sung lullabies to him for hours to sooth him, he has rushed home from work to help when I've felt overwhelmed, he slept in the chair is the SCBU unit for a week when DS was born. He has given so much and does so much for us both. Honestly, I'm not trying to make him sound better than he is. But when he gets pushed over the edge he swears and stomps around.
I've told him how I feel and he doesn't get it. He thinks it's daft and has now barred all swear words in the house (which is fine by me) but the baby is asleep now and I just said shit when I spilled my drink and he told me off.

He can be childish at times, I have always known that, but this is just something I can't deal with.

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