To feel a bit shit that nobody sponsored me?

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I signed up to do the 10,000 steps a day thing for Cancer Research. I put my fundraising page on FB, Twitter but not one person has sponsored me. I know money's tight for most of us at the moment, but to not raise even a penny makes me feel shit. AIBU to take it so personally?

I started off the day with a quick walk with the dogs, only about 7 minutes because even at 6.30am and in the shade the temp was very high. After that I did a gruelling crossfit session with my personal trainer where I managed, amongst other things, to deadlift 120kgs. Im 59 years old. I then went home and got ready for a day out with my daughter, we were in a mall for about 4 hours and walking quite a bit. Since home Ive done a few bits of houswork and unpacked some of the new things I bought for my bedroom. Im exhausted. Ive only done 6,667 steps even though Ive burned 2,300 calories and a large part of my work out was working at about 80 % of my maximum heart rate.

10,000 steps - there's not enough time left in the day to complete another 3,400 to being me up to 10,000.

You do get that people are talking to each other, answering other posters comments, not just yours? You may be the OP but it's not all about you.

But I have asked people not to say it as I find it upsetting, why is there any need to keep repeating it?* And a lot of people say '10k isn't a lot OP*', that is about me isn't it?

Epic bold fail there.

No OP, it's not about you. I mean this very kindly and gently as you have said yourself that you take things too personally, but it really isn't all about you at all, even though you started the thread and people are disagreeing with you.

Posters are chiming in with their own opinions and thoughts and reactions to other posts - it's an online conversation. And you can't tell people what to say and what not to say. Whether or not you find it upsetting is irrelevant. Again, it's not all about you.

Rhubarb stealth, and somewhat pointless and irrelevant boast. I could just about do 10k steps even though I have cancer and had an op last week. I couldn't do 98% of what you did though.

But I have asked people not to say it as I find it upsetting, why is there any need to keep repeating it?

Because many people have a need to feel smug and superior and don't realise that the comment just demonstrates their lack of intelligence and/or failure to read the thread.

TwitterQueen I think posting a comment that someone finds upsetting simply to agree with someone who's already said the same thing is rude and unkind. I do think some courtesy is owed to the OP of ANY thread, not just mine. I am fully aware it's the internet and I can't tell people what to say, but coming on simply to say 10k is nothing is dickish. Whilst you can say 'it isn't all about you' if someone directs a comment at me then that IS about me surely?

I give up

Rhubarb stealth, and somewhat pointless and irrelevant boast. I could just about do 10k steps even though I have cancer and had an op last week. I couldn't do 98% of what you did though

So you have the time to do 10,000 steps despite being unwell and recovering from surgery? Its exactly the point I was making, that not everyone has the time or the lifestyle that means 10,000 steps a day is possible but they may still be very active in other ways.

Im sorry if me being able to do something you cant prompted you to reply the way you did. I think its called misdirected anger, which is also what your replies to the OP are.

I hope you feel better soon.

If you don't like what people are posting, you stop reading. You don't order people to not post (especially when they are making comments that directly answer the aibu you asked). It's controlling and weird.

Well thanks for that helpful and illuminating comment, that's cleared everything up.

What I am trying (and obviously failing) to understand is why people continue to post something I have asked them not to, because I find it upsetting, why is it ok to disregard my feelings in that way? If you're saying the comment in regard to a much bigger point then maybe that's fair enough, but some people are posting that same comment over and over without adding anything substantial to the discussion.

I know it's not all about me, but if you have a choice of posting something that you know will upset someone or not posting it, why would you chose to post, when you've got nothing else to say?

@AndTakeYourHorseWithYou

I never ordered anyone not to say anything, I asked if people would stop posting the exact same thing over and over. If you want to fill up this thread simply saying 10,000 steps is not an achievement over and over until we get to 1000 posts then feel free.

What I am trying (and obviously failing) to understand is why people continue to post something I have asked them not to, because I find it upsetting, why is it ok to disregard my feelings in that way?

Because its not up to you what people post. If you don't like it, turn the computer off.

You are very entitled in general, aren't you? Everyone on your FB should donate to your fundraising, everyone on MN should only make comments that you like......

Rhubarb Misdirected anger???? how very odd. I'm not in the least bit angry thank you. Why would I be? I think you missed my point about being kind and gentle. Here, have a

Op, you posted in AIBU. Its was never going to be any different. Perhaps chat would have been a better place for your thread.

Anyway, its great to see you've collected quite a tidy sum from posters here and that you'll soon be on your way to 10,000 steps a day.

Me, very entitled? Hardly. Can you show me exactly where I said that people HAD to sponsor me because I must have forgotten that.

People can post whatever the hell they like, but I still think it's dickish to post something that you know will upset someone just for the sake of it. But I guess that's just me.

@Rhubarbginisnotasin
Yes, nearly £100 from lovely posters on here which is fantastic, and totally not why I started this thread.

what I was feeling was disappointment that out of the 200+ people I'm connected with on FB

But how many of your facebook 'friends' do you actually know in real life OP? And how many of THOSE people are actually friends?

I have 73 people on facebook. Just over half of them (37,) are ex colleagues, ex penpals, and people I met playing games on facebook. The other 36 are family, current colleagues, and genuine friends I have known for many years. I have had numerous 'friend requests' from friends of my facebook friends; around 50 in the past couple of years, and I have declined every one because I don't know them. Can you honestly say all 200 people on your facebook friends list are friends?

Also, as people have said, many people have got sponsorship fatigue, like many people have got charity fatigue, and many people just don't have that much money, and so make it a blanket rule to not give anything now. Other people have direct debits set up for their favourite charities, or give to charity shops, and buy from charity shops. So don't take it personally or get upset. That said, it is odd that not ONE of the 200 offered a couple of quid. Not bashing them, but it is strange I have to admit. Did you have a link to the (charity) page? (On your facebook page.)

OP I have read the whole thread now, and I am really genuinely sorry that people have been so rude to you. Yeah 10,000 steps isn't an actual normal or usual challenge type thing, and for some people it is easy, but as you said, for you it's not. And as a few people have said, it is 5 miles. Despite what people have been saying on here, about how they walk 50,000 steps before breakfast, many people do NOT walk 5 miles a day, and it's bollocks to say most people do.

Hide this thread now OP, or ask admin to delete it, because it's outlived its usefulness now.

Maybe try asking people on facebook and twitter one more time, and provide a link??? To 'go fund me' for example.

But don't get upset if no-one contributes. And maybe give up on it after that.

All the best.

OP, maybe you should flounce again. Your attitude is probably doing a lot more to turn off would-be MN sponsors than the number of steps you do a day.

Thank you Not, I think you're right, lesson definitely learnt.

DailyMail to be honest I think for some posters whatever I did or said would be wrong now.

Nobody has said that 10k steps is nothing at all, or that OP shouldn't be proud of herself. The point people keep making (mainly because OP seems completely unable to understand it ) is that while it may be a big achievement to her, nobody thinks it worth sponsoring. Which is why she didn't get sponsored Which was the topic of the actual post.

So OP, all youre doing is complaining over and over that people answered the AIBU you asked. Maybe if you'd listened the first 100 times they would stop saying it?

Op has listened and acknowledged. She has also tried to defend herself when people have belittled her, which some are taking to mean she hasn't acknowledged, even though she repeatedly has.

I personally hate sponsorship things, so usually do my best to avoid when asked (although can feel guilt tripped into them sometimes) but I would also never ask for sponsorship. But your friends who you have sponsored obviously don't feel that way, since they asked for sponsorship, so think that it is rather shitty of them, not to sponsor you.

OP on the mental health and 10,000 steps front. Do it for yourself - it's hard when you are suffering with anxiety and depression but you will feel better for managing to do it.

For me it was getting a dog that makes it so I can easily hit the 10k steps (approximately half of my daily total comes from walking him), my anxiety and depression have massively eased - I get massively worse if I don't go out walking the dog (for example I sprained my ankle and had to get mom to take dog for a couple of days - nightmare).

I also now do yoga. I'm a single mum (DC's dad has no contact) but fortunately my mum agreed to put the DC to bed once a week for me to go. That has been massively beneficial to me both from a physical and mental health point of view. If there is anyway you could do something for you once a week, then definitely take that opportunity.

To the poster who said about their teen DD's friend and walking 1 mile to school being such a problem - that's actually rather horrifying. I do wonder if some of the increase in teen depression and anxiety levels come from the sedentary lifestyles that have become the norm for vast numbers of teens.

My 2yr & 5yr old DC walk around 2miles with the dog everyday, without a problem - they actually enjoy it. In fact Dog got an extra walk the other day because 2yr old desperately wanted to take Dog out again. Despite this, the number of people who are utterly shocked that I could expect them to be able to walk soooo far, let alone get them to actually do it everyday, is quite astounding really. DC can manage long distances if they are built up slowly, but it just doesn't happen, lots of people seem want to 'protect' their precious little darling from walking (obviously there are also those where modern life just doesn't leave the time, which is a totally different issue).