To say something to my friend about her appearance

[Essentialnmchange]

Probably going to get blasted but I want to stress this is in no way a criticism. My friend has had a tough time with men recently and she's been rejected a lot. She's bright, funny and is gorgeous but hasn't met anyone right.

Recently, she's had a bit of a meltdown and has told me whilst drunk she thinks all she has going for her is her body. Consequently, she's been wearing less and less - which usually I wouldn't bat an eyelid, far be it from me to judge a woman for showing skin.

However we are part of a large group of friends who often nip down to our (casual) pub for quizzes, socials etc. Recently, she's been showing up in literally arse bearing shorts, with her whole boobs on show- last week she came in wearing a material crop top which was completely see through. This would be fine for clubbing or whatever, but it was a chilled weekday drink.

As I said, I don't mean to sound like a judgemental cow, but I think I would want someone to have a quiet word if I was making a bit of a fool of myself. I have heard people discussing her and I can see people cringe when she walks in basically naked.

AIBU to bring it up? It's not really my business but I'm so worried about her. I think that it's what friends do but another mutual friend said to leave her to it.

Did none of you ask her if she was off out clubbing later when she met you at your local? I think that's enough of a hint in the first instance.

I would leave it. She's an adult. I have a single friend who posts almost pornographic pictures on social media and had attracted no end of idiots, I'm hoping she will join the dots on her own. It's just your opinion that she's making a fool of herself, she might not thank you if you say anything.

I might get shouted down for asking this, but how old is she?

does she look ok in what shes wearing though back in the day when i used to go out i had a freind who always looked very glamourus wherever we went off the shoulder tops skin tight trousers etc she had the figure though and could carry it off.

It's difficult to say anything directly but you could spend time with her more and encourage her to feel good about herself by complimenting her personality; tell her she's funny and that she's smart. Try to make her appreciate her qualities other than her body because she sounds as though she needs to understand her body isn't the only thing that's lovely about her

@KungFuEric She's in late 20s

Late 20's nice body my arse and boobs were always out

Can you call for her before you go to the pub, then say, "We're only going to the pub, you know!" when she's dressed? Whatever you do, don't say something when she's out and dressed like that - it would be mortifying for her.

Your main thing though has to be to make her see she has so much more going for her than her body.

Her body so I'd say leave alone and let her be.

If you don't like being around her when she is dressed this way then just don't go out with her.

It's the middle of June, we've had some cracking weather. I've seen no end of boobs and bums recently at pubs!

And it wouldn't be the first time someones worn something see through without realising that it is indeed, see through! My mum showed up at a family bbq in a see through dress a few weeks back. Gave me a chuckle.

As someone nearer to 50 than 40 I'd say she should make the most of it while it lasts! I had a great body in my 20's but didn't have the confidence to show it off. Now I'm old and fat and really regret not wearing hotpants.

Shallow, I know!!

I just want to make it clear that I too like to show off my body

This is something quite different, she's inappropatiely undressed even when it's pissing rain. She definitely knew the top was see through, it was very very obvious

I'd say something if it's so bad that people are cringing and bitching. That's going to turn off the nice men and attract the kind you don't want attention from. And they'll only want one thing.

If she presents as desperate, she'll be treated with disdain and used by men. Friends need to be honest with each other. Say it in a nice way and perhaps more bluntly if she doesn't listen.

Why not talk to the people making unnecessary nasty comments rather than making her feel as about herself? Is there any reason she shouldn't wear these clothes other than a bunch of Victorian pear clutchers "cringing" at her?

Leave her be

*Bad about herself

If people are genuinely cringing and laughing at your friend, I would let her know as that's obviously unkind. If they aren't and it's just your opinion, then I wouldn't.

I would probably do as some have suggested and go down the route of "You're very glammed up for the pub!" or "Are we off clubbing later?"

I have what most people describe as a good body (size 6-8, small chested, curvy waist/bum etc) but I still don't have the confidence to show it off. I envy your friend and fuck the haters!

She sounds very unhappy and if you want to be a supportive friend I don't think you should criticise what she is wearing. She is making a choice here and it seems a shame that this is how she sees herself: without worth if it were not for her body

Chat to her about her, how she's doing, does she enjoy going to the pub, what is she expecting from a casual weekday night out to the pub: a ONS? a LTR?? How likely is a man who may pick her up based on what she looks like to be a keeper??

Be her friend. Not her wardrobe mistress

Your friend feels very insecure. I would start highlighting all the qualities she has that are not to do with her body. Tell her she does not need to dress this way to be loved, that it is a huge hindrance to a decent relationship if anything.

I am sure she has many things going for her. Why don't you take her out doing something outdoorsy and sporty. Then she has to dress properly and you can have fun together.

"I'd say something if it's so bad that people are cringing and bitching. That's going to turn off the nice men and attract the kind you don't want attention from. And they'll only want one thing."

This is what I'm worried about. Couldn't give a flying fig if she was showing off her body because she was genuinely confident, in fact I'd cheer her on!

I wouldn't say anything. I used to be quite bums n tits out and I married a nice person.

If people are cringing and laughing at her, it says more about them than her really.

I just think criticising her will make her feel picked on.

Say something, that's what friends do.

Her body, her choice to dress how she likes. However, isn't the bigger issue here her lack of confidence in her holistic attractiveness? You say she has a great personality yet she seems to not see that herself. Maybe as a friend you should be trying to help her rebuild her bruised self-esteem and help get her confidence back. Criticising her for her appearance, no matter how diplomatically, is running the risk of driving the final nail into the coffin.

I say this because before my self respect kicked in I dressed like that to get attention.

Looking back it was so sad. I WISH someone had quietly had a word to be honest. If I thought she was dressing like that because she wanted to, well that would be different, you can be kick ass confident in anything you like and that is fine, but if you are under dressed because you think that is the only thing going for you then that is really really sad for her (and almost certainly completely untrue)