To say something to my friend about her appearance

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Probably going to get blasted but I want to stress this is in no way a criticism. My friend has had a tough time with men recently and she's been rejected a lot. She's bright, funny and is gorgeous but hasn't met anyone right.

Recently, she's had a bit of a meltdown and has told me whilst drunk she thinks all she has going for her is her body. Consequently, she's been wearing less and less - which usually I wouldn't bat an eyelid, far be it from me to judge a woman for showing skin.

However we are part of a large group of friends who often nip down to our (casual) pub for quizzes, socials etc. Recently, she's been showing up in literally arse bearing shorts, with her whole boobs on show- last week she came in wearing a material crop top which was completely see through. This would be fine for clubbing or whatever, but it was a chilled weekday drink.

As I said, I don't mean to sound like a judgemental cow, but I think I would want someone to have a quiet word if I was making a bit of a fool of myself. I have heard people discussing her and I can see people cringe when she walks in basically naked.

AIBU to bring it up? It's not really my business but I'm so worried about her. I think that it's what friends do but another mutual friend said to leave her to it.

Sounds like she is desperate to attract someone, anyone. She would really like to have a nice partner, a nice someone to date and share her life with and she's had bad luck with men of late. So...you have to consider why she's dressing that way. I think it would hurt her deeply if you say anything to her about how she's dressed, she's already got insecurity and self esteem issues.

Have a night in with her, just you two hanging around your place and talking. Maybe talk about how you both think of yourselves, respecting who you are, future relationships and what you'd both like those to look like, and the kind of relationship and partner you'd be attracted to and what kind of person would attract that partner. I think she is trying to attract attention to find someone to fall in love with, and doesn't know how to go about it. Good luck, Op, you are a good friend.

I would stick with challenging the judgy comments and let your friend dress as she likes. Or report the comments back to her but not as an attempt to get her to change her dress sense - just so she knows which of the 'friends' in her group are slagging her off. I would bet there is a fair amount of jealousy about her nice figure behind a lot of the 'concern'.
And dressing in a revealing way doesn't mean you won't attract a nice man. You may not meet a man who expects women to cover themselves but would you want to? I was wearing a pretty revealing outfit the night I met my very nice dh and we've now been happily married for 15 years.

Honestly, I'd be showing it off too if I were late 20s, but there's a line and sounds like she's crossed it. It's fine to dress how you like and show off your figure, but I don't think it's ok to have see through tops on showing your tits in their entirety and defo not down the local. Some people will, unfortunately, get the wrong impression.

I think she has lo self esteem an feels better when she is looking all sexy. So it's kind of a self therapy whatever you think about it.
Do you feel a bit threatened by her appearance yourself?
Because it is very much up to her and not you...
On the helpful side you could take her out to events where she could boost her self confidence. Maybe you could take a yoga class together or learn Tai Chi...

I don't think you should tell her you disapprove, as she would take offence. Might it work if you gave her a hint occasionally, like "Did you know your shirt looks a bit see-through under this light?" or "I thought you would want to know, your shorts have slipped upwards and we are starting to see your backside, I wouldn't want you to feel embarrassed". Or compliment her on the things she wears which you like?

Also, tell her she has a great figure and would look good in outfits which leave a bit of mystery and intrigue?

Also seethrough top is a bit vague. I quite often see people out in sheer shirts with a vest/bra underneath and wouldn't bat an eyelid at a top like that in the pub in the evening. Was it something like that or a completely transparent top with no bra and visible nipples? As there's a big difference!
And tiny shorts are pretty popular these days. I wouldn't really consider them evening wear but more because I'd say they were casual summer day wear (if you like that sort of thing).
Low tops exposing cleavage are pretty standard evening wear.

Yes - what HerOtherHalf said.

She knows what she looks like and what people are saying about her. She has a mirror, she has ears. Be a friend and be proud to be seen with her whatever she is wearing.

She's doing this because she has low self esteem. The men she will attract this way will lower it further. The best way to deal with this is to build her up and help her see how much more she has going for her. X

I, for the life of me, do not understand why a man who is attracted by a bit of flesh would seek to lower a woman's self esteem.Do 'nice' men not like a bit of show? If you think that, you would be much mistaken!
Most men like to see legs and a bit of feminine skin showing same way as we like men's arms and maybe a more...n'est-ce pas?
( but not naked chests all summer per-lease)
PS I dress like a nun and live like one but I actually think I am a bit shy.

Criticising her appearance, however nicely, will only lower her self esteem even further. I'd focus on helping her to boost her confidence, complimenting those good qualities you see in her, telling her how lovely she looks when she's a little bit more relaxed in appearance. She thinks all she's got going for her is her body? We'll show her otherwise!

ChickyChoky - of course you're right, I just mean there are people who do things and act in a way (including dressing scantily clad) that come from a place of low self esteem and there are arseholes who prey on that.
Dressing sexily because you're confident is different to wearing little clothing because you think it's the only thing you've got going for you.
Sweeping generalisation I know but I think there's some truth in there somewhere.

In your shoes I'd occasionally compliment women wearing attractive outfits in ear shot of her. Also compliment her when she wears attractive outfits. Don't go over board though.

100% agree with this post.

Had similar experience with friend a few years back, who was in the same situ as your friend. Stopped going out with her because it was just plain embarrassing - she thought she should be able to dress as she pleased. Crunch came when she pulled her top down to show bare boobs when we were on holiday - she thought she wasn't get enough attention. The whole friendship group's disbanded.

Your friend has to find her own way, I guess.

If people are taking the piss out of her than yes, all she will attract will be blokes after the obvious knee trembler

As a friend I would 100% tell her what you think x

Just tell her directly, you sound kind and caring. Just say to her what you've said here

Is she educated?

Maybe try and suggest some courses that you have seen. Men tend to be less interested in women if they are all about their body and not their brain.

I wouldn't say anything.

Unless she is actually outraging public decency, in which case I'd shout 'OMG, I can see your nipples!' or whatever, I think it's fine to be honest about one particular outfit.

Overall, though, if she favours hot pants and very skimpy tops, then that's up to her, I've seen a lot of girls at uni last week in exactly that and I don't think anyone need say anything to them.

I used to dress quite trashily at times (although I did hold the boob or leg rule), didn't stop me meeting nice boyfriends or my husband. Lots of types of men are attracted to women with good bodies, and if you have a brain as well, that's a bonus for some.

Can she carry a conversation and talk for hours about interesting things she has done or seen. What type of man does she want?

Overall, though, if she favours hot pants and very skimpy tops, then that's up to her, I've seen a lot of girls at uni last week in exactly that and I don't think anyone need say anything to them.

It depends on what her motives are though some women have low self esteem. You can't ignore that.

Lots of types of men are attracted to women with good bodies, and if you have a brain as well, that's a bonus for some.

Couldn't agree more with that statement confidence to carry yourself no matter what you wear.

I'm not a fan of dressing like that and think it is definirtely giving out the wrong signals. Anyone seen the Snog Marry Avoid TV show where men vote on women by their appearance. Think its the one where they give you a Make UNDER and guys prefer the understated one.
Same for many of us women- we drool over Poldark's torso but in real life a guy baring almost all is just a bit too sleazy and the cute guy in the fresh cotton shirt and long shorts is the one we are attracted to. Or is it me ?