To not want to be called a bitch during sex?

[ohamIreally]

Went on a 3rd date last night with a guy I met IRL. We were at his place and had wine and he made dinner. We ended up having sex. I knew of course it was on the cards and was quite keen. Now I haven't had sex in over a year, was quite nervous as have split from a long marriage. Anyway I found him quite aggressive, he called me a bitch and I told him not to. I then just felt that he was trying to pull me around. So I told him it wasn't working for me (thank you Mumsnet!) gathered up my clothes and got dressed. He was astonished! I said that I knew the world had moved on and maybe that was normal behaviour these days but it wasn't for me. Was I over-reacting?

Not at alll. Well done. A lucky escape.

No, you weren't over reacting!! Can't believe he was astonished.

I have never understood why any woman would want to be called a bitch or a slut at any time, least of all when they're having sex. Good for you for walking out.

Good for you op sounds like you've dodged a bullet there

Well done that's brilliant!

No, you're not.

While I'm sure there's time for that kind of sex talk between a couple, if they like that kind of thing, it would emerge over time and with consent and understanding of the limits and context.

He sounds at best that he's read somewhere that this turns women on. at worst he's an unthinking arsehole. I'd go for the latter.

It's really scary that this seems normal from threads I've read on here. Why would a man want to call you names and why would he think you'd like it? It suggests a warped view of women and female sexuality to me - I find it so unsettling.

Sounds a bit like an 80s film type behaviour. Very uncalled for, sexist and not surprised you walked.

Hurrah! I WISH I had done that in similar situations in the past :)

Good for you OP. Horses for courses I suppose with these things but does seem a bit much for a first time unless previously discussed or hinted at. Sounds like he might watch a bit too much porn!

Can I give a man's opinion?
I think he was totally out of order, to call you a bitch was totally wrong.

Yanbu if that's not your thing.
( But I think sex should be a bit dirty so it wouldn't have bothered me. )

Good for you!! Too many men just assume ur ok to be treated like this! I always thought talking dirty during sex was something you build up too when ur both comfortable with each other & trying new things together....to treat u like that for the first time u have sex? Imagine what he would he be like once fully comfortable!! Lucky escape!!

Fantastic! So much praise for recognising your boundaries and asserting them! He on the other hand is a nasty, presumptuous misogynistic prick who had no right to treat you like that.

Jesus, I hope you called him some names back.

Yeah, it's sad how normalised this seems to have become.

(Cue an influx of posters who love being called whore, bitch etc during sex)

I'm in a very consenting relationship of 5 years and this is my bag. BUT it's been established over a long period of time with lots of love and boundary developments. If he'd pulled this shit on date 3 you wouldn't see me for dust. It says a lot about his view of women, bdsm elements of a relationship require a huge amount of trust and respect. Run for the hills my love.

🎩

Well done op. Good for you.

X-post histiny - hope I've reassured you slightly.

Not good to just start that up during the first time you were doing it. Good for you for drawing a line and saying no.

Too much porn?
Well done. It's good that you were able to Maybe if he gets this from a few women he might get it.

Ywnbu, we like what we like (and dislike what we dislike) and this bloke's way of going about sex isn't for you. Consent can always be withdrawn at any point and it is never, ever unreasonable to do so.

Good for you. If it's not working, walk. Too many women hang around, too afraid of offending these tools.

You would only agree to that surely if you were in a very secure, loving relationship and had decided on a bit of role-playing. In fact it sounds to me as though he was playing out a personal fantasy there.

YADNBU.