To not want to be called a bitch during sex?

[ohamIreally]

Went on a 3rd date last night with a guy I met IRL. We were at his place and had wine and he made dinner. We ended up having sex. I knew of course it was on the cards and was quite keen. Now I haven't had sex in over a year, was quite nervous as have split from a long marriage. Anyway I found him quite aggressive, he called me a bitch and I told him not to. I then just felt that he was trying to pull me around. So I told him it wasn't working for me (thank you Mumsnet!) gathered up my clothes and got dressed. He was astonished! I said that I knew the world had moved on and maybe that was normal behaviour these days but it wasn't for me. Was I over-reacting?

Well done for walking. For a first time I would find it far too aggressive. I would expect anything like this (name cal my, rough sex) to be something that was discussed and agreed upon beforehand and certainly not just sprung on someone during a first encounter. The fact he finds that acceptable tells me you had a lucky escape.

Seriously, not meaning to sound at all patronising but SO well done.Many people (10 years ago, probably me included) would have just gone though with it in a hurry to get the hell out of there asap. I have encountered some real assholes in my time but have never been called 'bitch' or 'slut' etc.Lucky escape OP!

Talking dirty is stuff like I want your big hard cock in me. Calling women sluts and whores is not dirty talk it's abuse.
Lots of women for whatever reason either accept this abuse in their sex lives or actively enjoy it, but that doesn't mean it isn't abuse.
Men who think it's acceptable to verbally abuse their sexual partners without consent are boundary violating misogynists.

I think it is related to porn. He was very assertive about getting me into bed and initially I gave enthusiastic consent. His astonishment I think stemmed from my subsequently withdrawing it. He is a big guy and I am quite small - I suspect he is used to getting his own way. My departure was relatively civil and he has been in touch since. He did throw away the comment "you weren't leaving the flat without getting fucked" which I thought was

Well done on keeping your boundaries intact and leaving, really, so well done. So many women have sex out of 'politeness' or 'I've started, so I have to finish.' So glad you had too much respect for yourself for that rubbish. Don 't doubt yourself for a second. Block him and never respond or you will have a stalker on your hands xx

Well that comment is really scary and also sounds really dehumanising to me so well done for managing to get out of there.

Honestly the thought of being called a bitch during sex makes my stomach churn - I can't imagine anything that would make me physically recoil faster.

I think it's amazing you walked away. Well done you. It's very hard to do so in those circumstances. I think women are so conditioned to be polite.

I had a very similar experience last year. The next day I was covered in bruises on my arms and my breasts. I didn't actually sleep with him (thank goodness) but it gave me such a shock. Fair enough to be into certain things, but to not establish the woman is too is unforgivable.

Absolutely this comes from porn and it disturbs me that men don't use their brains and think about establishing consent first. It's such a basic.

I don't think this sort of thing is expected or common. I got about a bit in the last few years, often with much younger men and nobody ever called me a bitch, thank god.
I think if one one had I would have called them an arsehole and got my coat.
Good on you OP.

He told you that you weren't leaving without getting fucked? What a rapey creep😨 I do think that aggressive porn has changed men and those who've learnt about sex from it are the worst.

"you weren't leaving the flat without getting fucked" from a much larger and 'assertive' guy.

Gives me the chills.

Thank goodness you said and did what you did OP

Parents need to educate their daughters to be the same and their sons, not to be the same.

Hilda - I have been raped years ago and this was nothing like it. I gave consent, withdrew it and felt free to leave (i.e. I gave myself permission and he didn't try to stop me) which was very liberating. I think his aggression was dehumanising - he just didn't see me as a person - just a fuckhole. The comment does sound pretty rapey though.

Bitch is a term of abuse and has no place in anything intimate. I hope whomever he dates in future would do the same if he repeats this behaviour.

BOOM! You did the right thing.

YADNBU.