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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

586 replies

Autvet · 22/06/2017 19:46

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Autvet · 23/06/2017 06:52

He looked very flustered, & since has been asking me if I'm ok constantly. I don't know what to do now. I will need to talk to him when kids are at school but I know he will just get angry and he won't talk

OP posts:
MsWanaBanana · 23/06/2017 06:53

You need to just speak to you DH and tell him your concerns and ask for an explanation. What you're doing is not going to help anything and just make you more paranoid. On one hand it does sound pretty bad and possible that he is cheating. One the other, there could also be perfectly reasonable explanations for everything. You won't know until you talk to him. Snooping like this isn't healthy and will only fuel your paranoia.

Original poster
Autvet · 23/06/2017 06:54

He phoned me from the hotel gardens and told me what he had to eat, said he was feeling the heat so didn't want much to eat at allSad that evening I was having an awful time with ds who's got asd and called him to see if he could possibly come home, he said impossible due to his work Sad

OP posts:
RahRahSkirt · 23/06/2017 06:57

If it’s any consolation my OH will order two mains if he’s hungry.
I don’t think it’s unusual, maybe he enjoyed his first salad and wanted another one.
Two beers for a guy to drink isn’t unusual either. I don’t think you have to worry.
X

iMatter · 23/06/2017 06:57

I think you can assume he didn't eat two salads and that he was with someone else.

So sorry OP. Sad

Charlie97 · 23/06/2017 07:01

Sorry OP, with the two large salads it seems odd! I understand still hungry but to order another salad.....seems strange.

Unless one of the beers was for her but that sounds unlikely? Grin why?

ememem84 · 23/06/2017 07:01

I'm going against the grain here. If it's a fancy ish hotel there is a chance that a large salad is actually teeny. A hotel near me (5* hotel known for its food) serves teeny portions. So if I just ordered a salad it wouldn't be enough as a meal.

When I travel for business I always book a room for 2. You are guaranteed not to be given a single then. And when I've travelled with a colleague (my male boss is my usual travelling companion) we always text to find out which room the other is in. Nothing suspicious about it. Just good to know.

But op if you are at all worried just ask him. Don't go sneaking around. Just tell him outright you are suspicious.

Burnett · 23/06/2017 07:02

Eh? So you ring hotel and say you left a handbag in a room three/four days ago? (but you only just got around to ringing) They say they did not find one (because they won't)...then what? That is not going to prove anything is it? Unless it is a very tiny hotel they will never remember anyway...........bit odd about the room ticket thing but I think you need a bit more to go on than that?

coconuttella · 23/06/2017 07:02

God I'd hate to be in a relationship where I couldn't speak to my OH about any insecurities I had!

I agree... lots of people seem aghast if that their partner could ever have trust issues.

A couple of years back me and my DP were having a brief rough patch - nothing too serious - and asked to see my phone. I realised that some of my behaviour may reasonably have been seen as suspicious, even though there was no substance to it. I wasn't thrilled but didn't especially mind handing over my phone as had nothing to hide. Two minutes later, all was ok... matter resolved and trust quickly rebuilt afterwards.

Saiman · 23/06/2017 07:03

I dont think he ate 2 salads. Although possible.

But i think he ate with someone else. Why he isnt telling you that could vary.

Could be an affair
Could be he is fed up of having his eords picked over
Could be being an arse and only mentioned what he had for dinner and purposely didnt mention eating with anyone
Could be he didnt want an argument so avoided saying he was eating with someone

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 07:03

OP just picking up on this, I don't know anyone who would eat two main courses in one sitting - the two beers are possible...but not the mains.

His behaviour is the most telling though, he sense you are on to him.
You really need to talk to him once the kids are at school....sorry you are going through this...

kittybiscuits · 23/06/2017 07:06

I agree. Sorry. I don't think he intends to be truthful. I would steel yourself for the 'you have one chance only to tell the truth and if you lie our marriage is over' conversation.

Saiman · 23/06/2017 07:06

matter resolved and trust quickly rebuilt afterwards.

Doesnt work like that for a lot of people though. If nothing is found alot of people will assume its well hidden/deleted and carry on snooping. Great for you it was only once and it resolved itself. For many people it doesnt.

Most posters would say that if you are suspicious but dont find anything its because its been deleted.

Besides which trust is a belief. If it has to be proved its not there.

coconuttella · 23/06/2017 07:06

He's always glued to his phone even when he's on the loo - that tells you what you need to know. The man can't even take a shit without having his phone with him because he dare't leave it where you may see a call or text flash up

Nonsense, and dangerous extrapolation. I tend to have my phone with me at all times. Probably not a good habit but I do. I'm definitely not having an affair!

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 07:07

You said he will get angry and won't talk, this is not acceptable, he has to explain himself now. 2 guests on the room card, two main courses, two beers and a very strange reaction to a very reasonable request to ask why...

Don't let him hide behind anger.

Stay calm
Stay together
Do not stop talking because he kicks off, you need answers. Honest ones.

Metalgoddess · 23/06/2017 07:10

Sorry but it doesn't sound good to me after hearing about the 2 salads 😔

SparklyMagpie · 23/06/2017 07:12

Laughing at the comment about a woman unlikely to have had a beer Grin i love beer

FluffyWhiteTowels · 23/06/2017 07:12

Sorry OP. Doesn't look good and add in your gut instinct

ComputerUserNotTrained · 23/06/2017 07:13

He may have dined with someone (colleague, client...) and had it billed to his room. Again, not unusual.

It is evidence of nothing more than (probably) two people having a salad and a beer each. Could be sus, very possibly isn't.

Original poster
Autvet · 23/06/2017 07:13

How do I talk to him? He will tell me I'm being a loony, get angry, & refuse to talk. I have FIL arriving this afternoon, am working all weekend and it's kids birthdays on Sunday Sad

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 23/06/2017 07:14

The 2 main courses sounds suspicious to Me, on top of your other worries

LagunaBubbles · 23/06/2017 07:15

And if it was innocent then surely he would just tell you who he had dinner with.

ShinyGirl · 23/06/2017 07:17

Regardless of if he's lying or not, I couldn't live in such a paranoid state.

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 07:23

OP tell him exactly what you have told us. two guests on card, two main courses, two drinks - ask him who he was with.

The very fact you seem afraid to talk to him is worrying. Does he get angry often?

I am not sure I could live with not being able to speak my mind through fear, forget about cheating. You deserve better. Honestly you do.

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 07:24

Computer

If he is dining with someone else why didn't he say so?

That is lying and dishonesty, and we are expecting her to feel trust in their relationship?? I think not.

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