AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

[Autvet]

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

It's unusual to stay in a country house hotel for work, unless its a fancy jolly / conference type thing.

And no hungry person orders a salad, and then a second salad. That is ridiculous. If you were hungry you might order a salad and a sandwich or something, but a second salad? No chance.

I'm sorry OP, but this doesn't look good to me.

All the hotels near my work (huge employer, lots of contractors) are "country" hotels. I can think of several more HQs in rural locations.

None of the hotel-related "evidence", even taken as a whole, points to anything.

Other things might do, but people (who I'm guessing rarely travel for work) gagging for the husband to be having a fling is pretty unpleasant.

What I'd do, ring the hotel and say you stayed there with your husband on such and such a date and you think you left your gold watch in the room. Just give your husbands name as the name the room was booked under. You will soon find out.

I have worked in three country house hotels. They were always full of business people.

Look op thinks he is having an affair. He might be. He might not be. But no one is helping and making worse by stating facts that are bullshit.

Soon find out what exactly?

irritated that wont work. Receptionist rarely remeber who stayed in what room.

If someone rings and says they stayed in a room and left something, most receptionists wouldnt be able to say off the top of their head wether a woman stayed in that room or not.

Besides which if there is an OW she may never have been registeres as staying there. Or the recptionist the op gets may not have worked that night. Or seen him go in a room with a woman.

Yes Irritateduser1960 - what will the OP learn from that? That a gold watch was not found which was never there?

There's no way someone orders two mains like that. If you're still hungry, you tend to order a side (chips!) not a whole new salad. I'd say he was definitely with someone at dinner. Doesn't mean it's an affair - but it is suspicious.

Sorry if this has been covered already. Could he innocently have been eating with a colleague?

The room key thing looks to have been covered by hotel experts. Phone reception can be dodgy.

The visiting a female colleague's room. This also might be innocent. If it was a male colleague it would not raise suspicion. Not all females are after husbands!!

From the outside all of these things can be innocently explained. If you're living it and your trust of him is being tested, then I can see how these things could feel like something more.

How is your relationship otherwise? Wishing you all the best

Autvet, listen.

The phone, your instinct, the 2 drinks, the 2 dinners. You think he was with someone else and are upset and want reassurance. Like it or not if you don't get reassurance your marriage is going to break down. What is he going to do about it?

This is what you need to tell him. If he wants to tell you you're being a loony tell him fine, you'll soon be his ex looney wife then. Get bloody angry!

And cancel FILs visit. This is important stuff, don't drift on sweeping it under the carpet.

Maybe he had a dinner with a work colleague and doesn't want too tell you because of how you would react.

The hotel key has been explained away by a lot of posters that theirs normally says 2.

A hotel isn't going too say that they have shit reception are They?

And for the posters saying it's suspicious because of two salads as they've never known an adult eat two mains. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it's not a done thing. My husband could quite happily eat two portions of mains if they was advertised as large but wasn't "large".

When he switches his story to 'look I just had a meal and one drink with a colleague and I didn't tell you because I knew how you would react' that's the end of the road.

Oh and as for the phone, I take my phone everywhere, yep even to the toilet. I think the majority carry their phone everywhere doesn't mean they're cheating.

Based on your updates it isn't looking good at all so far. I hope it is innocent OP I think I would tell him you have contacted hotel. Luckily you got put through to an idiot who gave you information when you asked for expenses and provided the answers to security Qs and that when speaking to him he refered to your DH and another guest.

But I go by my instincts and act on something right away rather than try to uncover and feeling absolutely crap and desperate to have it out.

Side note. I suspected my ex had cheated although I had no proof, just my gut, and a while after breaking up with him for unrelated issues I found out I was right.

This has however made me rather insecure and paranoid and is something I am working on now I'm with my DP. So my suggested approach of dealing with this situation may not be very good!

kitty is it really that simple though? Why would a husband have to lie and cover up over something so simple because he knows how his wife will react.

Just dump him, you obviously don't trust him as you are snooping through his things.

Agree with kittybiscuits

I've stayed in lots of hotel rooms marked as for 2 people. BUT that's always when work book it. I send them the request, they forward to their corporate travel company who then book it. And somewhere along that chain sometimes it goes to 2. I don't think this is the important part though, your gut instinct is. Being glued to his phone and so cagey is not good. He's angry because you're onto him. He's the type of person that can do this no bother because he goes away with work and you at home, why would you bat an eyelid etc. Probably tells himself all the guys at work do it

The thing is we can all sit here and say i eat 2 salads all the time. He just had 2 beers. I take my phone in the shower and sleep with it under my pillow. Normal for it to say 2 on the room key. Normal to stay in cozy country hotel.

Yes, it might all be normal. But he might also be having an affair.

OP is feeling upset and has told him and he's not shocked and falling over himself to make everything right. That fact tells me
1 he cannot because he is guilty, or

2 doesn't care enough to bother, or doesn't feel he should.

Either would piss me off enough to be causing a massive shit storm.

OP, you've said you already know that he will get angry and accuse you of being crazy to suggest this before you've even confronted him. That speaks volumes to me about what kind of person he is

I could easily eat two main course salads and drink two bottles of beer for dinner! 60kg woman here!

Long day at work, not much time for lunch, hot so don't think you're hungry but then food arrives and you realise you are!

Like the salad but hotel potions so tiny... just order another!'

Then waiting for it after finishing first= time for another beer!

I have done this many times before!

Although his reaction does sound bad. Sorry

dont be afraid to talk to him. The fact you are is awful actually.

Just speak to him and if he starts ranting at you, point out very calmly that his ranting will not stop you asking questions, that you want to know what the heck is going on and as his wife you have every right to find out.
If he carries on ranting again tell him to leave and come back when he's calmed down, when again you will want answers.
He needs to learn you will not ne browbeaten into shutting up!

As an aside, I've never known a man to order one salad never mind two, for a main meal.

The two in the room mistake happens quite often, but the two main salads is weird. I'd have assumed there was two people dining from that.

DH and i have both agreed that we're twitchy suspicious arseholes and that if ever either of us is feeling like the other is being unfaithful in any way we're to say so and ask for reassurance. Hand over the phone, no secret passwords on stuff ect. open access to everything. We talk about it quite matter of factly. often when i'm reading out stuff from MN

Nothing has happened so far, 11 years in.

But i feel in my heart if i said ''This is it Mr Laist. I think you're shagging someone else'' i know he'd either say ''yep, you've caught me'', or ''here's my phone. i love you, i wouldn't do that to you, what can i do to prove it?''.

That's what OPs DH needs to be saying to her. Not getting angry.