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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

586 replies

Autvet · 22/06/2017 19:46

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

OP posts:
LouHotel · 22/06/2017 23:46

Just to state please dont call the hotel pretending to be the company. It will be some reservationist on minimum wage who may well give you the information without following data protection laws....if it were to be found out they would be at best disciplined at worse fired.

fortunacookie · 22/06/2017 23:47

Surely they have to know who in each room for fire safety?

Roomster101 · 22/06/2017 23:50

You obviously don't trust him as the evidence for an affair is very flimsy. Is there any other reason to be suspicious?

ImaLannister · 23/06/2017 00:01

You can ring them now, don't have to wait until the morning. Reception is always open.

CremeFresh · 23/06/2017 00:10

He may have checked in and just given his name , but it doesn't mean he didn't have a visitor to his room who didn't stay for the whole night. I don't think phoning the hotel will shed any light on the situation.

GabsAlot · 23/06/2017 00:18

i dont get how hotels ar allowed to write 2 in a room when thres only one?

incase of fire dont thy need to know numberrs-for instanc mr smith was in room 1 was he alone no- we have two down except there was only mr smith, so thyre looking for somone who doesnt exist

MadisonAvenue · 23/06/2017 00:47

I don't see how phoning the hotel and saying that you've left something in the room would work. Surely all that they're going to say is that they'll speak to housekeeping to see is anything has been found.

Oh, and I can't call anyone from home very often as mobile reception for various providers is horrendous in our village. I can however get a perfect signal and 4G in the middle of the woods behind our house.

OP, from the reasons you've given and the replies that you've received it looks like you're accusing your husband of having an affair with the flimsiest of evidence. Either he's given you good reason in the past to be suspicious of him now or you generally have trust issues.

GrimDamnFanjo · 23/06/2017 00:51

I've often stayed in hotels, as in a couple per month who note 2 down as a booking on reservation info and bills etc.
You need better evidence than this tbh

MistressDeeCee · 23/06/2017 00:58

He's always glued to his phone even when he's on the loo - that tells you what you need to know. The man can't even take a shit without having his phone with him because he dare't leave it where you may see a call or text flash up

MiddleClassProblem · 23/06/2017 01:13

I can't shit without my phone, I need MN company.

DH is the same but watching Star Wars trailers nerd

haveacupoftea · 23/06/2017 02:06

The hotel are hardly going to say to some random person ringing up that yeah mobile reception is shit in this hotel. It wouldn't be great for business.

Saiman · 23/06/2017 05:35

Ffs so the OP has called a hotel before to ask the receptionist opinion on signal in a hotel room, gone through his phone before, now assuming he is sleeping around because '2' is written on a card.

And the dh is getting shit for this. If a man did what the Op is doing it woild be controlling.

I dont let dh look through my phone. Because its private, i have private converstations with my friends, work emails, work documents. I have found him going through it multiple times and he has never found anything and i am fucking sick of him him snooping through my stuff.

For me its like reading my diary. If he was ringing where i stay for work to check what i say about the hotel i would be fuc5ling livid.

Its absolutely shit living with someone who is so insecure they snoop and check up on you all the time.

Dh got an ultimatum last year. Hewent to counselling and sorted his insecurity or he moved out. He went for counselling. He is doing really well. It occasionally rears its head, twice in fact and both times i have regused to engage. He is improved and i think he is getting better. But only time will tell.

But the way he acted is abusive.

Neutrogena · 23/06/2017 05:45

This relationship sounds over, cheating or no cheating. Have the guts to end it OP; there is no trust.

Original poster
Autvet · 23/06/2017 06:25

So: I checked the invoice in his bag for the hotel. He told me he had a Caesar salad and a beer for dinner ... just general chitchat.... invoice is for one Caesar salad, another different kind of salad, both are mains, & then two beers. I asked him outright- he said he had one salad, then was still hungry so had another Hmm.... I've never know him to love salad so much he'll eat two main salad courses........ AIBU??

OP posts:
Original poster
Autvet · 23/06/2017 06:28

To add - they are both on the menu listed as 'large' portions of the salad .... not as starters...

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 23/06/2017 06:29

Sorry. All this would be fine if he'd told you first not covered up. Now it looks suspicious. I ate 2 salads is pretty unlikely.

Saiman · 23/06/2017 06:30

Op you think he is cheating. You are going through all his stuff. Its driving you insane and driving him insane.

He will know what the invoice says. He knows what he ate and if someelse was with him. No one has general chit chat that includes exactly what you have earn and how many beers you had.

Bring in his position, i can imagine that since the converstation was 'what did YOU have for dinner' I would answer that question only and give no more information. Or (if this has been going on a while) i wouldnt add i ate with someone else to avoid an argument.

Why not just end the marriage?

MermaidsTears · 23/06/2017 06:35

I think op that this will end up nothing!
I hope you have just jumped to conclusions, none of that sounds too suspicious

Original poster
Autvet · 23/06/2017 06:36

Who eats two large salads for a dinner ??Sad

OP posts:
Westray · 23/06/2017 06:37

Auvet- sorry that's not looking good.

Original poster
Autvet · 23/06/2017 06:40

I am not naturally distrustful of DH but I have been with him for 22 years and know when he is not being truthful. My gut instinct is worrying me.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 23/06/2017 06:43

Were the only drinks on the invoice the two though?

It would seem odd that if he was dining with a female that she wouldn't have had a drink too?

Unless one of the beers was for her but that sounds unlikely?

kittybiscuits · 23/06/2017 06:48

Er you see two beers and think they were both for him...with his two salads. Hmm

Nowaynowjose · 23/06/2017 06:49

Unless one of the beers was for her but that sounds unlikely?
Why? Women drink beer too. It's less likely he would eat two main salads to himself. Sorry OP.

MermaidsTears · 23/06/2017 06:49

Sorry op i completely missed your post this morning just before i posted.
That is not sounding good with two main courses but obviously not all hope is lost yet! I hope not anyway for you.
Did he look flustered when saying about the second main meal?