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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

586 replies

Autvet · 22/06/2017 19:46

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 22/06/2017 21:52

Do what pipnchops suggested. If he won't let you borrow his phone you'll know he has something to hide.

NotACleverName · 22/06/2017 21:53

do you have enough money spare to hire a honey trap to turn up at a he hotel bar?

Because that's entirely reasonable and not at all insane or anything.

OnionKnight · 22/06/2017 21:56

If he won't let you borrow his phone you'll know he has something to hide.

If my wife randomly accused me of having an affair based on a common hotel booking and a dodgy signal, demanded to see my phone I'd tell her to fuck off.

jacks11 · 22/06/2017 21:56

I think you are wrong to spy on your DH like this. That's just skirting around the issue.

Speak to your DH if you are feeling insecure and unhappy. If you really don't trust him one little bit (which is what it seems), then even if you find nothing this time you will just find another reason to suspect him- there will always be another "suspicious" thing. You need to discuss this with him. If you aren't satisfied with the outcome of that discussion, then you really need to consider whether your relationship has any future.

I'd be really pissed off, and very hurt, if my partner snooped around behind my back like you are planning, rather than speak to me about it. It would be damaging to the relationship. Every bit as damaging as your lack of trust.

mydietstartsmonday · 22/06/2017 22:16

If I book on hotels.com or something similar I always book for 2 so I get a bigger bedroom. So please don't jump to conclusions. Do your research and go from there.

Bumpins19 · 22/06/2017 22:21

If it's just this, on it's own with no other reason then I think you're worrying over nothing. Yes, two on the room card is unusual but sometimes hotels do weird things like that if it's a two person room (I swear I've had it happen to me when I've been very much alone in my room!) and bad reception isn't that uncommon at a lot of hotels. Oh, and if I had a fiver for every time a hotel swore blind the reception was fantastic throughout the entire property only for it really, really not to be, then I'd be living in The Ritz right now.

I really hope there is nothing else that is worrying you about him and I really hope this does turn out to be nothing.

redshoeblueshoe · 22/06/2017 22:29

In our house its difficult to get a good phone signal.
Everyone has said the 2 means nothing.
Takes phone everywhere - well you have checked it before, so I can understand that.
So that leaves you with him looking cagey
My X was a very convincing liar, never looked cagey, and I think he would pass a lie detector, because he believed the shit he spoke.
I'm not seeing anything suspicious here

shinynewusername · 22/06/2017 22:34

I think I'd call and just be honest - explain what you've found and ask if it's at all possible they mark 2 guests if there is only actually 1

No hotel is going to drop a paying customer in it like that!

bonfireheart · 22/06/2017 22:39

"These threads are always jumped on by posters who seem to be wanting the partner to be a philanderering bastard confused"
This always.
Speak to him. He might lie, he might tell the truth.

JoshLymanJr · 22/06/2017 22:41

do you have enough money spare to hire a honey trap to turn up at a he hotel bar?

Jesus f-in Christ. This site really is a bottomless hole of stupidity sometimes.

HildaOg · 22/06/2017 22:48

Two is the amount who can use the room and what you get with a double room, it doesn't mean that there are two people staying.

Reception is often shit in hotels... Especially if it's in a more rural location.

I think you are worried because you don't trust him based on him previously going to a female colleagues hotel room. It's hard to know whether you're being paranoid or whether you're noticing little things about his behaviour that you can't identify not being 'right' so this is how it's coming out.

I think you shouldn't worry too much right now as there's no evidence he's doing anything so unless you can find some...

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 22/06/2017 22:48

snow if you read callmemaybe story you'd get the angle I was going for.

Magpiemagpie · 22/06/2017 22:57

I'm in a hotel at the moment
The booking is in my husbands name
I turned up,gave his name and surname and checked in with no problems
We're down as 2 guest but it's only me and I have two key cards

timeismovingon · 22/06/2017 22:59

OP if you are suspicious and worried he is having an affair and want proof then I would not ask him at this point. I would investigate this hotel situation as much as I could and then wait and see. I'm sure you've read other posts on Mumsnet where the OP asks her DP - they then deny deny deny and have time to hide everything and become more careful in covering their tracks.

You are clearly sensing something is off. Wait and see, think about what you will do if he is having an affair - basically prepare yourself.

KERALA1 · 22/06/2017 23:00

Does anyone else imagine a honey trap as a type of 1970s Bond girl?

PickAChew · 22/06/2017 23:06

It's common to have poor reception in a building. Have about 3/4 signal with 2 different providers on the path in front of my house, but 2 empty triangles(dual SIM) right now, in my arm chair, the same distance from the window. No signal at all, ever, in DS1's school. Big buildings, understandably, are the worst. Structures with a lot of metal in (like a lot of modern large buildings) don't help, either - even the car reduces my signal and a Cross Country train wipes it out completely (which is annoying because they don't have any bloody WiFi, at any price).

Flyinggeese · 22/06/2017 23:14

Yes KERALA! 'Honey trap' is in the lyrics to Golden Eye too which really isn't helping...

Freefalling123 · 22/06/2017 23:17

I travel a lot for work, on my own (female) - and always book a double room for 2 so I don't get a single bed! I also always ask for 2 keys as often there is a key needed for the electrics, and it means I can leave lights on when I go to eat or to the bar

So maybe nothing in it? Just giving my version - I can categorically say I am alone in a big double bed for one when I'm away on business!

SomeOtherFuckers · 22/06/2017 23:26

Also I have had no signal in my house since September

PhyllisNights · 22/06/2017 23:26

Honey trappers aren't all that bad. I don't watch EastEnders anymore because it's depressing and I can't stand all the shouting, but Honey Mitchell was a honey trapper. They've had a few on Big Brother too. They're not that rare.

LouHotel · 22/06/2017 23:34

Hotel manager.....from a house count perspective we need to know exactly whose staying in what room as 1 we need to have 1 member of staff per 100 guests over night and 2 because in case of a fire the fire service need to know who they might need to supposedly rescue. You might accidently boom for 2 online but we definitely amend on check in. Imagine if for every business we accidently state their are 2 to a room.

Saying that mistake happen and i dont think on this evidence alone you should jump to conclusions.

LouHotel · 22/06/2017 23:36

*businessman

HildaOg · 22/06/2017 23:38

I don't see the point of honey trappers. Apart from being a pschyotic idea, if I think a lot of smart, careful cheats wouldn't fall for them. They either already have someone to cheat with. They aren't attracted to the honey trapper. They're suspicious of being aggressively approached by a strange woman...

I could think of a few men I know who consistently cheat on their wives and a couple would fall for it because they'd fuck anything but the two biggest cheats I know would run. They select the women. Not the other way around. They're careful.

Mightymidge29 · 22/06/2017 23:39

This is such an unhealthy thread Hmm
If you don't trust your partner why are you with them?
If you don't have a relationship where you can voice and discuss concerns and insecurities why are you with them?

Encouraging the OP to try and trick the hotel in to giving information or to try and sneak a look at/steal his phone is so not helpful!
Do people over 18 really act like this in relationships?!

If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship...

scottishdiem · 22/06/2017 23:41

Does the hotel know which phone companies get good phone signals and the ones that dont. DP and I can be in the same room in a hotel with good and bad reception as we have different signal carriers.

I have seen keycards marked with different numbers for a variety of reasons. Especially if its one thats reusable.

I think you need to do less snooping and more communication with your DH. You are at the stage of believing everything is evidence for what you think as opposed to anything else.

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