Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

586 replies

Autvet · 22/06/2017 19:46

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 23/06/2017 10:08

I have to admit i'm fascinated by what could be confidential from your DH.

It could easily be work related or things that friends have said in confidence, it's not that difficult to work out.

Nakedavenger74 · 23/06/2017 10:08

Travel with work a lot. Double room always comes with two keys and will say 2 persons because that's how many it can hold not how many are staying. They never ask. Ever. Pretty much no such thing as a single room anymore.

Also when I travel with work damn right I meet up with my colleagues that evening. We have drinks and dinner becuase it's better than a dreary hotel room or room service. Nothing weird about it

Hotel wifi is utter shit so reception can be crap based on that. If it's a country house hotel then 3G will be patchy and no staff would say anything other than its fine.

Poor guy.

WarriorsDance · 23/06/2017 10:09

2 salads is odd but perhaps he initially had one as he was not feeling that hungry due to the heat. After that he rang you, went for a beer and felt peckish again so ordered another salad. Both would be charged to his room even if they were eaten hours apart.

Surely if he was having an affair he wouldn't have left the invoice in his bag for you to find, he'd have hidden or shredded it.

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 10:09

Laiste - totally agree. Everyone has a right to privacy of course, but I am not sure I would want a relationship where we have locked phones, passwords for accounts and mysterious secrets...we are both open and honest, and not guarded and secretive and this makes for a happy and stress free marriage.

Roomster101 · 23/06/2017 10:10

Roomster DH's phone has all his business emails too. I don't read them they have nothing to do with me but if I wanted to I could.

That's up to you. I take confidentiality seriously as required by my job/profession. There is no need to give anyone else access so I don't.

Laiste · 23/06/2017 10:10

Yes, reading that back i get that there might be stuff which is confidential about someone else on a phone or laptop. But, tbh, that's not what a partner in a panic about infidelity is going to be looking at. Or for.

I dunno. I don't think the majority of folk have wildly sensitive info. about other people on their mobiles. And yet so many would be cross about handing it to their DP to deal with a crisis of trust. To me (and navy Grin) it just seems odd.

NavyandWhite · 23/06/2017 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redshoeblueshoe · 23/06/2017 10:12

So now I'm a bloke. Fucking hell my Dh is in for a shock tonight.

Noctilucent · 23/06/2017 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnionKnight · 23/06/2017 10:12

My phone is locked in case it is lost or stolen, nothing wrong with that, also we don't share account passwords, why would we?

CremeFresh · 23/06/2017 10:13

The Op is suspicious and worried that her husband is cheating - that gut wrenching feeling is horrible . It can send you into a bit of a panic and to not think straight , to add 2+2 and come up with 5 .How many times on MN have posters been told to listen to their gut and to do a bit of digging before confronting their OH ?

This is a marriage of 22 years that could possibly be about to go down the pan Sad

araiwa · 23/06/2017 10:15

"Op, tell him you do not believe him. Then tell him to hand over his phone if he's got nothing to hide. If he kicks off, refuses and gets angry then ask him to leave until he is prepared to admit the truth. Make sure he knows the only way he can stay is if he hands over the phone there and then. Leaving and then coming back will just have given him time to delete the evidence."

ah yes, the nuclear option- when you absolutely, positively have to kill any chance of your relationship carrying on

what awful advice

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 10:16

I have a job with a confidential email account. I am obliged not to discuss my work with anyone (inc DH) Due to the nature and confidential manner of my work nothing is ever sent to my mobile or personal email accounts because they are insecure. So by default this is not reasonable grounds to be so protective about a mobile phone..because it is highly unlikely to have anything truly confidential on there.

Roomster101 · 23/06/2017 10:16

Everyone has a right to privacy of course, but I am not sure I would want a relationship where we have locked phones, passwords for accounts and mysterious secrets...we are both open and honest, and not guarded and secretive and this makes for a happy and stress free marriage.

I wouldn't want a relationship where in order to be trusted I was expected to give up privacy and allow partner access to confidential information.

Laiste · 23/06/2017 10:17

we don't share account passwords, why would we?

Why wouldn't you?

I guess the password sharers and the non-sharers will never see it the same way and will have to agree to disagree :) and we'll wait for OP's update.

hellomoon · 23/06/2017 10:18

Lots of people cheat. Lots of people don't.

But I'm going to go out on a limb here. I have worked for several large companies (think household names) that require lots of travel for business/conference etc.

I have totally had my eyes opened to the sheer amount of people who cheat on their families whilst away on business. People who claim to be devoted parents and partners.

OP - trust your instincts. Are you prone to insecurities of this nature? Are his responses 'off' to you? if you can say 'no' to the first and 'yes' to the latter, then I'd keep digging. Something is not quite right.

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 10:18

Roomster - what do is so confidential about your life? I am truly intrigued to know...

NavyandWhite · 23/06/2017 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sayshellsunderwaterblblblb · 23/06/2017 10:20

I've got enough passwords and PINs to remember without having to remember other people's.

WarriorsDance · 23/06/2017 10:20

Nah I'm not buying the two salads. If you were still hungry ( which he said he wasn't I think? ) imo you'd order a pudding and a coffee or some chips. Not another salad.

@Navy I didn't mean at the same sitting, I said perhaps later on he was peckish and had another salad. Just because you would order chips/pudding that doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way. I fucking love salad and would choose it over chips or pud 9 times out of 10. Then again, I'm not a man which could explain it because according to this thread men 'don't eat salad'.

If he's cheating on OP then he's shit at it leaving the invoice somewhere she can find it (unless he's hoping for a confrontation so he can leave).

For the record, my friend's husband was having an affair and was happy for her to look through his phone. She didn't find anything incriminating because he had a PAYG specifically for contact with the OW.

Roomster101 · 23/06/2017 10:20

I am obliged not to discuss my work with anyone (inc DH) Due to the nature and confidential manner of my work nothing is ever sent to my mobile or personal email accounts because they are insecure. So by default this is not reasonable grounds to be so protective about a mobile phone..because it is highly unlikely to have anything truly

That's not true at all. You can't extrapolate your situation to everyone's.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 23/06/2017 10:22

I stayed at a hotel for work last week. We booked two rooms for one person each, both were down as double occupation (just how the corporate system does it), both had breakfasts for two. Coincidentally I didn't use my room and slept in someone else's, but nobody would know that. To be honest, reception wouldn't have a clue who slept where. I didn't ever even go into my room. (Someone else I travelled with did change in there though, as they weren't staying).

You have to talk to him; you have no conclusive evidence.

Goingtobeawesome · 23/06/2017 10:22

Tell him it isn't a deal breaker if he has cheated but he has to tell you the truth. If it turns out he has cheated you can still leave if you want but it might be enough to find out. If there's anything to find out.

I hope he's innocent. It's shit when your husband cheats Sad.

troodiedoo · 23/06/2017 10:22

Agree hellomoon every conference I've been to has been a hotbed of debauchery.

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 10:23

Roomster - would you lend your phone to be used for a text or a call to your dp?

Swipe left for the next trending thread