AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

[Autvet]

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

Wondering

That is a very kind comment.

I am sure OP must be reading this thread if she is not already talking to her DH now. I think he is angry and she can't talk to him, so her worries largely go unspoken and unresolved. Over time this is corrosive to any relationship.

Ilovemybabygirls then talk to op and stop policing other posters! You keep saying focus on op then picking apart someone else's post. But as long as after they respond you can say to just talk about op so it looks like you're taking the high road after it's all good.

Computer I have reported you

Computer I have reported you, why? I think she has a point.

Feel free.

For what?

Why would anyone not be happy with it though in a relationship with no secrets Roomster?

Because if someone asks for a password when there is no need to have it they are clearly wanting to snoop and/or don't trust. Why would anyone be happy with that?

Why would anyone not be happy with it though in a relationship with no secrets Roomster?

My phone is a work phone, I'm constantly glued to it. It never leaves my sight. I'm an emergency contact if there is a media leak and due to the sensitivity of my job, if I lost it, it would be wiped remotely and an internal enquiry would be started to understand the risk associated with its loss.

I'd let my husband use it, but I'd stand over him when he did. We have no secrets, but he ain't messing with my phone.

I wouldn't be concerned about the paper key saying 2 occupants. At every hotel I've stayed at that has been standard practice. I've always been given 2 keys even if it was just me. Hotels just seem to assume that if a room can accommodate 2 people, there must be 2 people in it.

I once stayed in a hotel that billed me for valet parking when I didn't have a car. Not relevant to your situation, I know...but I'm just saying hotels do make assumptions.

What I would be worried about is his cagey reaction and attachment to his phone. I don't think you have anything to confront him with...but be vigilant. Good luck - I hope it's nothing.

Also I use my mobile for work (as does DH) and for me work issues are often confidential. I also don't discuss my friend's business with DH if it is their private business.

to those who know the password for the phones of everyone in their family- would you still let them have yours if instead of just sending a text, they went through your call logs, messages, facebook, email, whatsapp, browsing history and then interrogated you about it.

thats what op has history of, i wouldnt give her my phone either

I really honestly don't get why anyone would feel anger as the first reaction if their long term partner sat them down and told them they were upset and worried about the relationship. They are worried there's infidelity going on and could they please see your phone (that you constantly keep on your person, even in the loo, and have a password for).

My first reaction would be shock, then a panic to reassure DH. I wouldn't be angry with him - i'd be mortified and feel awful for him. I'd rush to hand him my phone, my laptop, my diary whatever he heck wanted. But then ... all three lay around my end of the sofa all day anyway. Without a secret password. And the same goes for him.

Surely people need privacy - on principle, if for no other reason? Why would you need to know someone else's passwords?

It seems to me that you are aware that he is cheating and have been for some time, but won't leave him.

Eh, where have you pulled that from?

Yes because I've nothing to hide.

I don't have anything to hide that is relevant to DH but there is certainly confidential information on my phone and emails that are none of his business (and visa versa).

OP, you have previously called a hotel asking about signal in the rooms and gone through his phone on another occasion. Before you had any further evidence (the salads), you assumed the worst because the room key said '2'. You said your DH's response to that was 'cagey'.

Honestly, I don't think it matters anymore whether he is or isn't having an affair. You don't trust him and haven't for a while. If there is a perfectly innocent explanation for the two salads are you going to miraculously trust him? I doubt it. I think there will be another thing that a lot of posters in trusting relationships will see as no big deal but you will see the worst in. Whether that's justified or not I couldn't say, but either way the trust for you has gone.

You have two choices - you talk about your trust issues with your DH and find a way to resolve them (without having to snoop to reassure yourself) or you call it a day. I think even if he hasn't had an affair you are always going to be trying to find him out so you need to decide whether you want to make the best of your relationship or end it.

It's not about having "nothing to hide", rather it's about the right to privacy.

I have to admit i'm fascinated by what could be confidential from your DH.

Horses for courses though. We're all different.

DH is my best mate. I tell him everything. I could no more have stuff about me he doesn't know than i could keep it from myself!

I have to admit i'm fascinated by what could be confidential from your DH.

Really?? Work information may be confidential. I also don't discuss friend's private business.