AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

[Autvet]

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

Are you okay kitty? Because that is quite an accusation to make, I can assure you that I'm not the husband and I'd like an apology.

OMFG I give up.

Geeky

We have all been supporting OP, which is why she came on MN. I haven't seen any post on here to suggest that anyone at all is taking it lightly. We all know what is at stake. We are all in the same position as her, and know there are kids involved not to mention 22 years of marriage.

He actually but thanks Navy

Ah, maybe that's what snowflake was alluding to when she said "I am not sure you are who we think you are..." to me.

Perhaps Onion and I are both the husband!

FFS.

Onion is very much on the side of the man, which is not surprising given that he is one.

He is doing his best to offer that perspective I guess

Lmao, Onion and your opinion could only mean you are the husband. Not that you are trying to give some perspective and help someone but fall down the rabbit hole.

And where have I defended him? I even said that I'm not saying that he isn't cheating.

All I was trying to say that if the OP has a history of snooping then it's not that surprising that he's glued to his phone etc regardless of whether he's cheating or not.

Some posters need to stop sniffing glue and making stupid accusations.

ComputerUsedNotTrainedIf you are a man and snowflake was right then she was right..no?
Perhaps you were defending op dh a bit too much.

OP was not snooping Onion she innocently found a room card remember...doing the washing is not snooping!

So everyone must slate the husband yes, nobody can offer a different perspective like many ITT have?

Err she's snooping and she even said it wasn't the first time she had done so.

No one is slating the husband Onion. Please keep to the facts.

Not that it's relevant, but I am not a man.

I'm just a person who knows a bit about business travel and finds people shit stirring in other's marriages abhorrent.

When youre paranoid you can find suspicion in every small thing.

Maybe your right to be suspicious, but you have a history of being wrong.

Time to put on your biggirl pants and directly ask dh- i am afraid of these things- 2 people 2 beers and salads hiding phone etc- please reassure me that your not having an affair.

Ilove, I've been accused of being the husband because I'm 'defending' him and not calling for the OP to get a honey pot, stalk him or go batshit at him like some are.

Then why are you on here Computer?

OP has asked for opinion and support. Most have offered her both in abundance in good faith. I haven't seen anyone stirring..so not sure what you mean.

As i said before my dh was so insecure he was abusing me.

I uses to lie. Because it was easier. He rang hotels, snooped through my phone, looked for receipts.

Its not unusual for someone to avoid an argument.

He could br having an affair. But he could be sick of being bloody checked up on all the time, having every word analysed to see if there is holes that can be picked at.

All of your "evidence" can clearly be interpretted 2 ways. Nothing is conclusive. So be direct.

Paranoia is a deep dark well that is hard to escape from

Onion the fact is you are making OP feel bad for being worried. She must not feel bad for being concerned given what has happened. We have all advised her to talk directly to her DH, and many other suggestions. It is up to OP how she wants to deal with this, she will not be short on ideas after this thread.

Initially I thought you might have been overacting OP, but the two salads is definitely odd. The only way to deal with it (in my view) is to calmly ask him and explain what you are thinking.

For context, I'll share my my experience - I stay away regularly for work, often in a country hotel with really poor reception so struggle to phone DH (calls via WhatsApp are a good alternative via the hotel wifi).

I also frequently overlook changing the number of adults to one when I book my room (as it defaults to two) and it appears like that on my invoice. Other colleagues also stay, nearly all male and we regularly have dinner together. More often than not it will be dinner for two, and a couple of them are really good friends and we've known each other for 8+ years. Sometimes we drive out to find interesting places to go for dinner and we often plan to stay in the same place. One of us usually pays the food bill for the other on the corporate card. I guess all of that could be used to put two and two together to think - affair. The reality is far from it, we are just colleagues/friends who spend time together. I do appreciate that not everyone would always be comfortable with that, but thankfully there is plenty of trust on all sides and nothing untoward has or would ever happen.

For me, any sort of lie (even if there was no affair) would be completely unacceptable. It would also be unacceptable for me if I couldn't have dinner with a colleague of the opposite sex without the assumption from
my DH that I was having an affair.

Op - Sorry if I missed something, but did you also find this invoice in his trousers or wallet, or have you already contacted the hotel and they emailed it to you?

Saiman, I sympathise with your experience, I do.

But OP is not an abuser, she has simply found invoices and a room cards and it does not add up. The two situations are entirely different and shouldn't be compared.