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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think DH may be having an affair??

586 replies

Autvet · 22/06/2017 19:46

Asking because I can't get my head round this.... please help!! DH works away a lot, nice hotels etc ... emptying his trousers for washing this evening ( yep I'm living the dream) & found his room paper key for yesterday's hotel stay - no of people on room is 2 confused.... he called me to say hi last night but from the hotel gardens as reception 'awful' in hotel room.... am I being suspicious or is it deserved?? Really want to call hotel as I've kept room key etc but how can I find out how many people stayed etc etc ?? Any ideas ?? sad

OP posts:
TheHobbitMum · 23/06/2017 08:05

I would think it's suspect too, the hotel needs to have accurate guest counts for fire safety etc Anything else suspicious?

Only1scoop · 23/06/2017 08:06

TBH I would be bloody suspicious re the 2nd salad.
Trip advisor can be useful re phone reception comments.
Apologies if already been said not read all posts.

GrumpyOldBag · 23/06/2017 08:08

2 beers perfectly normal for one man.

2 salads less so - if it was my DH and he was still hungry he'd have had a dessert after the salad. But maybe your DH is on a healthy-eating thing?

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 08:10

On a hot day you would not eat two salads, you would order a dessert something cold...or a side dish of something more filling. The chances of eating two of everything is zero...

I love salad and only eat salad mainly, and even I wouldn't order two of them!

Hoping OP is getting to the bottom of it now..

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 08:13

I agree one hundred per cent Laiste

wonderingsoul · 23/06/2017 08:21

Maybe the salad was just really nice.
When away my dp.. who never eats salad.. had some as a side for lunch.. it was lush.. he then ordered it as a main when we got to the room for dinner... he NEVER get salad.. so whilst it may be unusaul.. he xould just not feel like eating due to the heat had a salad.. liked it but wasnt full.... so had another.

I think that your adamit hes cheated. Why did you phone the last hotel... its not out of the world that some hotels have bad reception and they are not going to be honest and twll you yes are they.

I think you may need to work on your parnoid behaviour

kittybiscuits · 23/06/2017 08:21

He told her he wasn't very hungry and just had a salad.

ChasedByBees · 23/06/2017 08:23

There is a whole load of dodgy evidence - circumstantial yes but pretty damning. If he says you're a loony and gets angry because you very reasonably want to find out about what happened, that's an answer in a way. It's certainly a sign that he doesn't respect you or want to make you feel secure.

PovertyJetset · 23/06/2017 08:23

My DH works away Lot and I think what you describe is very worrying. I hope you get some answers soon.

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 08:24

Wondering soul

I wonder if you have missed some of the thread. It isn't just the two people on the room card, two salads, two beers and cagey around his phone, it is his behaviour. He gets very angry with OP when she tries to talk to him....but now he is asking her constantly and unusually if she is okay.

I don't think you should label anyone paranoid under these circumstances, and I think it is very unkind of you to say so. OP has been very reasonable.

OnionKnight · 23/06/2017 08:25

I'm not saying that he's not having an affair, nobody knows apart from him. But based on what the OP is doing, snooping through his stuff and ringing the hotel, plus this isn't the first time she's snooped, I'm not surprised that he's not telling her the whole story because affair or not her behaviour isn't normal.

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 08:27

Onion

OP would need her head testing if she DIDNT think this was suspicious. Of course it is suspicious. She can bury her head in the sand by all means, but how will she know the truth.

A decent man would welcome the chance to talk it through. It remains to be seen if he is one.

Sushi123 · 23/06/2017 08:27

Oh dear - I would turn detective before talking though, get a bit more evidence, follow him if necessary, because some people are such good liars they manage to twist stories when confronted, and then you end up feeling like a jealous twat, when you are not. Good luck x

tabithasgran · 23/06/2017 08:27

I'd do what someone said previously, call his bluff.
Calmly Tell him you've spoken to the hotel and look sad . Tell him to sit down with you explain himself .

The truth will out .

If he gets a right toot on and goes off on one then it's obvious he's been caught out and is panicking .

If it's a one off he's more likely to admit everything due to guilt.

If he sits down and wants to reassure you and offers to do anything and everything to clear his name then he's probably either very good at being devious of genuinely innocent .

Then at least you know .

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 08:28

tabitha that is good and sound advice.

MiddleClassProblem · 23/06/2017 08:29

Well he already knows you're suspicious so IF anything is going on he is either feeling guilty or covering his tracks. If I were you, feeling as you do, I would ask him but say that you have been married 22 years and you'd just like to know the truth either way and that you feel that he owes you that if he respects you at all etc or something along those lines. You can't be aggressive with it as then his back would be up straight away. Stay calm and say about what he said on the phone and the two salads.
The only problem is if he says it's nothing and he ate them, would you believe him?

It still could be nothing but how could he prove to you that it is enough for you to put your mind at rest?

I wouldn't say you should split up over your suspicions, people suggesting that are being ridiculous. It's not a boyfriend of 6 months. But you may need to think of what you'll do next. Keep an eye on things over the next few months? Councilling? Just try to let it go? I think you need to consider this deeply.

Roomster101 · 23/06/2017 08:31

The two meals wouldn't be suspicious in isolation but on top of the other little things it is. The fact that you are searching in the first place suggests you don't trust your DH so unless you are naturally paranoid you have probably picked up on other clues without realising it.

MiddleClassProblem · 23/06/2017 08:32

I think tabithasgran's plan is good in theory but I would like to say if he gets angry it doesn't necessarily mean he did anything. I would get pissed off if my other half didn't believe me or was saying the hotel said I was with someone else when I wasn't. It would be bloody frustrating and I would be pissed off with DH for being deceptive

Partypolitics99 · 23/06/2017 08:33

When he gets back say your phone is on the blink and you need his to sent a text.
My DH would hand it over without questions.
If he does not ot gives you the phones and stands over you while you text I think you prob have your answer.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 23/06/2017 08:40

IME when your gut tells you that something isn't right, then you're normally on the money.

There's no point chasing round trying to get confirmation from the hotel - you've found an invoice that doesn't stack up, he looks shifty and is now asking constantly if you're OK (guilty conscience?) and you've had suspicions for a while that something isn't right.

I know you are looking for solid proof, because you don't want to sack off 22 years without some evidence - but don't you see that if the trust is already gone then the marriage is on its last legs anyway?

I like tabitha's suggestion. Sit him down, tell him that you know that something is going on and that you are giving him one opportunity to come clean and be honest. He doesn't know how much - or little - you know.

kittybiscuits · 23/06/2017 08:40

Onion it is obvious that you are the husband....

OnionKnight · 23/06/2017 08:43

LMAO!

Of all the things I've been accused of on MN this takes the biscuit.

NavyandWhite · 23/06/2017 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeekyWombat · 23/06/2017 08:45

Onion it is obvious that you are the husband....

Wow. That escalated quickly. Hmm

Maybe we should all calm down a bit and be a bit less hysterical pointy Jessica Fletcher amateur detective about stuff?

This is OP's life and marriage that people are talking about like it's a soap opera plot.

OP, for what it's worth, I hope you can unravel this and get the answers you need.

Flowers
Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 08:47

Kitty I think you could be right! The amount of effort Onion is putting in to defending OP DH is admirable but might not be the best way for OP to resolve her problem..