To think people who have childcare and support from parents can't keep claiming how they're finding parenting tough.

[HateSummer]

Probably going to get flamed for this!

I have a friend who has 2 kids and full support from her family whenever she needs time out. She's not working, and whenever she feels she's had enough of her 18m old, she leaves her with her parents. Or after school she takes her kids to her parents house every single day for dinner and then just sleeps at her house. She often leaves her kids there and goes home to catch up on chores etc and the kids will spend nights with their grandparents.

I on the other hand have no support whatsoever and no family around to help me. I have 3 children and I'm doing everything for them alone with dh. We alternate shifts at work to look after them and share school runs through the week. We basically have no break at all.

Everytime I meet this friend she tells me how tired she is. Then she tells me how she batch freezes food. I had to blatantly point out to her that I don't have time for batch freezing inbetween work and looking after 3 kids.

She's a lovely friend but its obvious she has no fucking idea what it's like to be REALLY tired and doing parenting without any help from anyone at all DAY IN DAY OUT.

I hear you OP I have a friend who refused to give up working full time as did her DH so their DD goes to her DM 5 days a week, neither of them do school pick ups or drop offs and DM regularly has DD whole weekends so they can go to gigs/mini breaks etc.

Me & DH are struggling financially & my parents do have DD whilst I go to work but we pay them a small amount and last time we asked them to baby sit for non-working reasons was September 2016 for 4 hours so we could go out for our wedding anniversary to a local restaurant.

Agree with other posters that it's not a competition and anyone is allowed to find anything hard! We're all different. I only have 1 plus a supportive DH and we've got it relatively easily compared to some people I guess. We've found parenting hard. We're always tired. That's allowed surely. Just be supportive of each other.

And yeah, people sometimes have mental health issues, other health problems, marital difficulties, family problems etc etc that not everyone knows about.

It's unfair to judge not everyone can cope with the same circumstances. Some people have depression or lack confidence or have learning difficulties that make things other people find easy a struggle.
I think anyone who doesn't let their friends find life hard sometimes is mean spirited.

You sound a bit jealous op

I totally understand,I am in a similar position, no family to help. Just means dh, dd 10, has ASD. But she might have underlying issues like depression .

Ikwym, but everyone has different breaking points. I found life much harder & more stressful when my first was born with minimal support from family (as don't have much - PILs could help a bit though then) than I do now with 2 teens, working almost full time, running house & no extended family support.
My best mate, bless her, is single, runs her own business and has no kids and she is always 'soooo busy/stressed'. Drives dh mad as he also runs his own business but obviously has a family and now elderly parents.
So what I'm trying to say is that everyone feels stressed in their own lives no matter what their circumstances are. Someone will poor mental health will feel worse with less going on too remember.

Some people are just natural born whingers, OP. If she wasn't moaning about this, it would probably be something else.

In my experience, those in the toughest circumstances are the least likely to complain.

People have different personalities and different thresholds for stress as well as different children. My friend with a toddler of her own took one of my DSs for 2-3 hours as the other was poorly and laid up on the couch and came back asking how on earth I managed to leave the house with him everyday. (Said DS is going to be assessed for autism and other things soon, not just me being a slack mother).

In my experience, those in the toughest circumstances are the least likely to complain

see the mn analogy drains and radiators

Everything's relative. She doesn't know what it's like to not have family support. Being a parent is still hard regardless of what support you have. Is she not allowed to feel tired just because you are more tired?

If I sprained my toe and had a friend that broke their leg, would I not be allowed to feel the pain in my toe just because someone else feels their pain more? Sorry that's the closest analogy I could think of.

I agree with others, it's not a competition

Yes they can. Life is hard. People have varying difficulties. This is along the same thread as 'if you're rich you can't complain about being unhappy' ..... yes they can because we're all people and we all have hardships even if you're too bloody blind to let people have issues when you see them as privileged.

Also 'alone with dh' ... so not alone at all then?
There are single parents here ... should they tell you not to complain because you have a partner ?

The OP could probably have got more support just by wording her OP in a different way: MN is not actually a bad or unsupportive way. She chose to vent her frustration about her friend by doing exactly the same thing as her friend does to her: minimising the other person's problems. Understandable but not productive. Especially as many posters will be in a position to see the situation from different angles.

OP, I'd suggest starting a new thread which is not about other people's rights to be tired but asking for help about your own situation, and I think you will get more support.

I get you OP.
It's not a competition and you know that. But it's inconsiderate to moan on to someone who has less support.

My parents live miles and miles away and occasionally give us a weekend off. A friend of mine says 'you are so lucky' every time. And I am, I know that. But she doesn't acknowledge that her mum ( round the corner ) has offered regular babysitting and also saved them tens of thousands of pounds in nursery fees.

I've got a friend who bangs on about how hard she finds things and how tired she is, she works with me, does exactly the same hours as me, I pick her up every morning for work, has 2 kids and off loads her kids to the grandparents every single weekend and has done so since they were toddlers, her in laws take the kids on hols and her own parents are also on standby if needed. Oh and her husband helps out a lot

Me, no parent support, my eldest has been a nightmare since birth, I've been a single parent twice, I have no break from my 4 and I work full time and dp is a useless twat.

So someone yapping on about how life is hard when they have a shit ton of practical help can just piss off imo.

Is it inconsiderate to moan to someone with less support? I wouldn't say so if you are actually friends with someone.

I would say my life probably realistically falls into the tough category (single mum to a disabled child with a lot of health problems too) but I would have no issues listening to a friend who on the surface may have things "easier" having a moan because that's what friends are for isn't it?

Totally agree with Sirzy

Do we now have to do a detailed audit and comparison of circumstances before we can have a bit of a moan?

I don't care if you have less support than me, if I find something tough, then I find it tough!
I'm EBF so there isn't a whole lot other people can do to help. I do find it hard sometimes. Im sorry if that offends someone but it does!
Being screamed at all day isn't any easier just because your parents live near by or you're still with your partner.

it is easier when you can hand them over for a few hours or a few nights to your parents, when you can never hand them over it's a whole other world

@ssd when you can, yes. But my son is EBF and feeds every 2-3 hours. He won't take a bottle so it's all on me. Just because DP and DH are around doesn't mean they can necessarily share the load

I'm with Sirzy on this one. Having a disabled child and no parents near absolutely did not make me incapable of sympathising with my friend who had parents nearby but was struggling for other reasons.

One of my best friends is seriously disabled and barely able to leave her couch due to severe pain; she has been like this for over 10 years. And was still able to listen sympathetically to me when some passing health issues made it difficult for me to walk. She is my friend so of course she listened to me. Just as I listen to her.

Sounds like you're jealous tbh

What a bonus your friend has support. You on the other hand don't have as much support. So it natural you'd be gutted and feel envious.

Can't and shouldn't slate your mate though.

"Everytime I meet this friend she tells me how tired she is. "

This sounds tedious. I get it. Maybe she thinks it's something you guys have in common. Moaning is how the British bond, after all. Best to move the conversation on & find new things in common. It does astound me how many people have a huge lot of family support. Makes me feel like I screwed up to have kids without that.

Kirsty Young writing in media was the one that got me. Carrying on about how she understood lone parents so well. Then casually mentioning how she+baby spent 2 days a week with her mom & had a nanny the rest of the time. Yes Dear, you totally get what single parenthood is like.