To think people who have childcare and support from parents can't keep claiming how they're finding parenting tough.

[HateSummer]

Probably going to get flamed for this!

I have a friend who has 2 kids and full support from her family whenever she needs time out. She's not working, and whenever she feels she's had enough of her 18m old, she leaves her with her parents. Or after school she takes her kids to her parents house every single day for dinner and then just sleeps at her house. She often leaves her kids there and goes home to catch up on chores etc and the kids will spend nights with their grandparents.

I on the other hand have no support whatsoever and no family around to help me. I have 3 children and I'm doing everything for them alone with dh. We alternate shifts at work to look after them and share school runs through the week. We basically have no break at all.

Everytime I meet this friend she tells me how tired she is. Then she tells me how she batch freezes food. I had to blatantly point out to her that I don't have time for batch freezing inbetween work and looking after 3 kids.

She's a lovely friend but its obvious she has no fucking idea what it's like to be REALLY tired and doing parenting without any help from anyone at all DAY IN DAY OUT.

Sara00 you are 100% THE WORST kind of woman.
A mother has come here for understanding and support in a situation she feels already alone in and you decided in your 'wisdom' that the kindest advice to give was to cut her down?
Ffs. Not everyone has help from family or DPs .
When did we start treating each other like filth? You're allowed to be nice on this forum. It's not a fucking free for all to start treating each other like shit. Bear in mind, those that are holier than though - it takes onlu one false step and you're in the mud with 'us'

The OP put her query on a public forum with the question to random strangers of is she being unreasonable in this? My honest opinion is yes, yes she is. If the OP only wants support from fellow MNs on this then she's a bit silly and you're even sillier for your comment on my post. The OP really has NO idea what this woman feels, how she lives and what goes on behind her front door. Just because she has support from her parents does not mean she can't tell her 'friend' she is tired. Having children is a choice they both made....a CHOICE.

The only way I'd ever catch up on sleep and not be tired (2 month old daughter) is if someone else took her for about a week of overnights. One bad night would still undo all that caught up sleep.

Oh and my comments on this post are not the OP being treated like 'filth' bloody hell, how precious and sensitive are you?!

Are you serious???? What about PND and disabled parents??

I have 15 hours childcare and my mum also helps but I'm a disabled single parent suffering from BAD PND.

YABVVVVVVU!!!

You clearly haven't a clue

It's no wonder that the hacks at the mail have articles and shit to regurgitate. Instead of us women constantly breaking each other down to our bare bones, how about we go against the grain and offer support? Stop competing to be the nastiest, you've got everything to gain by being supportive and not let these fucking rags steal our moments.
Men are behind these stories that tear us apart.

We didn't join mumsnet anonymously to have our fucking usernames plastered over mainstream "hack" media.we joined to help and support. Let's do that. Stop being fucking nasty. Be kind be respectful.

Yabu.

Everyone has different thresholds of what they can cope with and levels of energy.

I am in an enviable position where I get Alot of support from my parents and I don't work at the moment.

But I also have a chronic health condition (which friends are aware of but I downplay massively as I don't want people feeling sorry for me, or my dh, for being lumbered with me).

Dh also works very long hours so I get zero help from him on weekdays and I mostly do the lions share on weekends if he's having to work etc.

The parent friends I have who tell me I'm so lucky to have my parents helping are often those people who's dh comes home from work at 5pm,works from home etc.

But I appreciate there'll be people in my position who don't have that support so I still do consider myself lucky, but the op sounds lucky in that it sounds like she splits childcare with her dh.

Just saying no one knows what's really going on in people's life with their health, marriage etc. Of course some people also have more difficult kids - two highly strung kids are harder than 3 easy kids.

I have 15 hours childcare and my mum also helps but I'm a disabled single parent suffering from BAD PND.

OP is very clearly NOT talking about single mothers or disabled mothers. Have you RTFT?

I have twins and have to constantly listen to people with 1 baby tell me how hard they find it. it doesn't make their struggles and problems invalid. Parenting is tough and everyone's situation is different.

far too much projecting on this thread, sheesh

I still think that telling someone who has no help that you're tired when you have all the help in the world is rude.

Possibly, but less rude than bitching about someone on the internet.

I'm sorry you're finding parenting tough going. Almost all of us feel like that at times, no matter how much support we have. Batch cooking is, however, one way that many people manage their time productively and your friend is suggesting it as something she has found helpful. You might not feel you can manage it (can your DH not take the kids to the park one morning so you can get a few hours to cook?), but I doubt it's intended to be rude.

Haven't RTWT because I stopped at "alone with DH". How can you be alone when you have a with?

If you look at it that way OP it's no so bad - glass half full?

Parenting is hard for most and those that get so much support that they don't notice how hard it is are missing a few things that might come back and bite their butt later on.

OP. YANBU at all. People are being horribly vicious to you on this thread. It must be really tough to be a working mum with no family support and have to listen to you friend bleet on about how tired she is. She sounds pretty insensitive to others plight. Take care and know it gets much easier as they get bigger.

People seriously need to check themselves. So because your not getting any help then others shouldn't have that right either. She has no idea about your life and you hers. It's difficult for different people. Your projecting your jealousy and feeling onto someone who really, hasn't done anything wrong but have helpful parents. She's spoke to someone who she thinks is her friend (someone who shouldn't judge her) about the things that help her make things easier. I really dislike people who project themselves onto other people, regardless of how she makes you feel, YOU don't realise how you make others feel. Your in the situation your in and nobody has put you there. So stop blaming others for the way you feel about your own life. Btw the whole 'parming off' word is horrible, that's what you think, they may actually ask to have their grandchildren, that word just shouts jealousy..

yabu

at least you're not a single parent. Then you would know what tired feels like.

Trust me 'help' from relatives is more stressful than it's worth sometimes!!!!

It's probably best not to give anyone parenting/life advice unless they've asked for it. It's at least as likely to cause resentment as it is to help. The OP's friend was out of line there.

It's also almost always a bad idea to ask someone why they are tired.

But not every child is the same amount of work, and not every parent is as capable as any other.

Think about how comparing yourself to other parents makes you feel. If it makes you feel resentful or depressed, then why are you doing something that makes you feel bad and has no practical value?

Everyones own perspective is their reality, nothing to debate or AIBU.

I on the other hand have no support whatsoever and no family around to help me. I have 3 children and I'm doing everything for them alone with dh

So you're not doing everything alone then? You have your DH. Yes it's still hard but it's no more than other parents have to do up and down the country 24/7.

I'm a single parent with health problems and an autistic 8yo. I find it very hard some days even with the support of the ex when he decides he can't be bothered again he no longer steps up to the plate. Do I get annoyed at the constant facebook posts of other Acquaintances who have their family look after their DCd around the clock whilst they work and party every weekend and piss off on holiday regularly without their DCs and then declare how much of an amazing mother they are and slag of everyone who doesn't have the support network like they do to do this? Yes.

But as a PP said. No set rule book.

Does the OP in fact know that the woman she's complaining about isn't disabled and doesn't have PND? Those conditions aren't always visible to everybody. There are lots of physical and mental disabilities that an acquaintance might not see.

Is your family eating ready made meals and take out while your friend cooks from scratch? Is this what prompted all this? You do sound jealous and bitter.

SarahOoo. You have a 2 month old and think you can talk to someone with children about being tired, when you have a baby barely out of the newborn stage. Is that is your only child?

I have a chronic health condition and don't have parental help. It's fucking tough. I don't complain. I get on with it. When you're truly truly knackered complaining will only suck up more energy. And I only have a certain number of spoons for the day.

You deliberately worded your op to sound like the woman has no partner. That's why you riled so many people. You have no idea about the realities of other people's lives behind closed doors so yabu.

I have a five month old baby and no family living nearby. Husband works shifts. I'm not struggling at all.
Friend has a baby born the same week. Her husband works 9-5 and her mum and dad have the baby two days a week. She finds things much harder.
All kids and parents are different.

Oh dear op you anticipated you would be flamed and sure enough.....
MN has become so 'holier than thou' in recent years.
I'm in a similar position to you op and I'm envious of others with close, loving and helpful family nearby. I'd love for my children to have that experience too.
Imo YANBU you are just a tired human being and your feelings are perfectly understandable.

If you have a DH you have emotional and financial support from him.

Try being a single mum working full time and THEN tell me you have no support.

Everyones life is tough in different ways. She may say the same as you as you have a partner to help juggle things? Should everyone who can walk/talk/hear/see never complain because their lives must be easy compared to those who can't?