WIBU to have DS's known as name at school as 'Bear'?

[JacobLuke]

DS is called Jacob. He always got called Bear Cub (ending of Jacob is a bit like cub) and now just Bear really. He goes by Bear at swimming

WIBU?

My daughter is called Bingabong at home. Didn't think to use it at school though

I remember at University, a course mate introduced herself as 'Lolly'. Fine, if a bit

Until the day she introduced herself as such to the scary elderly professor. Who raised an eyebrow and replied 'how awful for you. My sympathies'

She became Louise to all and sundry after that.

It's because it's the Z Lister's current name of choice, Rose. Which should encourage most people to avoid it like the plague, but there's always the ones who think this makes it cool.

Yeah, I'm really copying the celebrities... He was born before the current ones!

But you called him Jacob...

Yes, who was Bear Cub from day 1... I did say that

Register him as Jacob, but let him tell the teacher (or tell the teacher yourself) that he goes by Bear normally,. I think it's cute, personally, and speaking as a person whose preferred name is different to their legal name, I understand sometimes you have to keep it official on the paperwork, but people are fine using a nickname/preferred name for day-to-day.

I find it uncomfortable when having to call students by very informal pet names rather than an established name in either its full or a regular shortened form as I have a formal relationship with them, not informal. Particularly awkward is when I've used one name for the last 9 months then have to write a report for that child in a totally different name which really jars your train of thought and feels like you're writing about a stranger. I remember one from many years ago where the child had the same surname as a famous singer and was known by that singer's novelty first name. I hadn't known that it wasn't his real name until a memo went out about the reports, then had to write the report with a totally alien mundane first name. I've had similar situations over the years.

I've also had a student who I first taught under her proper name, then a year later, her mum got the register changed to a pet version. I asked her if I needed to change what I called her and she was mortified that her mum had made the change and wanted me to keep to her regular name)

DS has various pet names, but they're between me and him (some other close people pick them up too) It's been a natural development, but he's also regularly known by his full first name and that's our starting point for school. If he wants to use shorter versions, that's his choice, not mine to control. (Such as Benjamin abbreviated to 'Jamin then Jammy, Jammy Dodger. Its his choice if he wants Benjamin, Ben etc)

Well, I suppose he could still be happy to be called Bear when he's 10. Tbh, I think it's ridiculous to ask all the teachers at the school to call him Bear and to teach him how to write his name as Bear, unless you wish him forevermore to be known as Bear and you regret calling him Jacob, or he refuses to acknowledge the name Jacob.

We have a dog called Bear. We call him Bear Bum. Just something for you to consider!

I wouldn't. Most parents have a pet name for their DCs. I was lurking at the entrance of the after school club the other day whilst about 5 parents picked up and was struck how none of the parents used the child's given name :-)

DD is Chicken. Or Chicks. Or Pickle. Or Kitten. Some of these get an eye roll now she's 9, which makes them all the more appealing :-)

We had this problem and eventually changed ds's name to something that sounded very like his nickname. That solved the whole thing overnight. I'm not exactly sure what sounds like Bear though.

I know what's going to happen.

if you start reception as bear you'll end up staying iwth it unless your ds makes a concerted effort to change it.

by the time he goes to senior school it will be entrenched and people will know him as bear. like all his friends and the teachers who know him.

and then you'll get the substitute teacher who doesn't know his name and is using the register. even if they put bear in and underline it they'll miss it.

they'll then shout xx name to him and he'll be looking out of the window wondering whether it's snowing yet and he can get sent home or whatever crap runs through the average 11 year old's head.

the whole class turns towards him and shouts "bear man" he means you and then Bear feels like a tit and got caught for staring out of windows.

this then carries on through university, through dealings with police (real name on driving licence). it's embarrassing in court if people talk to you and you don't respond. and everything whilst your parents laugh at you for having a problem with it.

he then would never in a month of sundays do it to his own children cos it's been a right pain in the arse.

if you sniff bitterness you're right. only difference for me was that both names are what people consider real names raher than nicknames. i worked for someone who had gone through the whole thing with a nickname. that was a nightmare for her but she didn't reply to susan because she didn't hear it - most people thought that that was an affectation. it really wasn't.

But it's quite possible (likely?) that there'll be another Jacob / Jake in the class and then he'll just end up as 'Jacob S' or whatever. Tell them about Bear and see what happens!

Yeah, I'm really copying the celebrities... He was born before the current ones!

Yes, who was Bear Cub from day 1... I did say that

Just wondering why you came on AIBU? You obviously don't think u are, so go ahead. Ask the school to call him by his family pet/swimming club name, because it's really reasonable.

Well you seem determined to have him known as 'Bear' (hence ensuring he's called that at swimming) so just change his name by deed poll and be done with it.

I think it depends a lot on whether you really really dislike his proper name, and whether that is why the pet name has stuck fast. It's a more common problem than you would think, and if that's what it is, then it would be quicker and easier to just change it by deedpoll to something that you do like.

My nephew is called Wolf. That's what it says on his birth certificate. So Bear would for right in with him.

DH and I call each other Weasel, never thought to let my boss know that's how I prefer to be addressed .

This thread reminds me of my brother's friend, who attended a really straitlaced, hot-on-formalities type of boys' school.

His nickname from nursery age was "Haystacks."
He had naturally mad and crazy hair, especially in damp weather, which refused to behave no matter how it was cut.
(Boris Johnsonesque, you might say)

His bewildered mother swore it grew overnight, too, and was forever carting him off for trims. Within a day or two, it reverted to form.

Yet for some inexplicable reason, even the conservative staff unbent enough only ever referred to him as such.
Printed as "Mr Haystacks Surname" in all the school music programmes etc.

Have always wondered if he's still carrying it off as a middle-aged adult?

Surely it's a pet name for the family to use?

Not school.

I vote for calling OP "Just Fucking Loopy" henceforth.

I know a couple whose 3yo DS is Jacob...he is known as Cub, and his DM and DF call each other Mummy Bear and Daddy Bear I think parenthood has sent them a bit simple to be honest

May I ask with much politeness what's the fucking point?

I had a "nickname" not of my choosing which wasn't as dumb as "Bear" more a daft diminumtive of my actual name.

When I became old enough to do anything about it, it was a fucking hell of a task to shift people to call me by my actual name.

And it's difficult to do because you don't live in a vacuum and most of us carry friends from life zone to life zone. Primary to secondary school; secondary school to university; university to early working life and so on.

It's really really hard work to shift a shitty nickname especially when you start to work professionally and want to be taken seriously and your school pal turns up and is all "Hi Bear!" or whatever shit nickname has been foisted upon you.

Really leave the poor chap alone.

@blueandgreenand he likes it and asked his swimming teacher to use it