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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not share inheritance?

122 replies

PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 19:34

Hi all,

I am looking for opinions please

Step family scenario, but all the kids are adults -I have one adult kid (27) , and one adult step kid (32) who lives abroad. My husband and I have joint wills where each kid gets 50% of our joint estate, nothing unusual there

I have inherited a decent chunk from my Dad - enough to buy a 3 bed semi for example.

I don't want this to become part of the estate

I feel disloyal (to my dad) if I was to allow this money to go outside of the family, he has never even met my step son

I had this conversation with my husband who implied I was being unreasonable, and said all money is OUR money. But I strongly disagree

Please give me your thoughts xx

OP posts:
WhatABaklava · 21/06/2017 19:34

I agree with you, OP.

pambeesley · 21/06/2017 19:36

How long have they been your step child? Since they were young or more recent?

ShinyGirl · 21/06/2017 19:36

We have joint money.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 21/06/2017 19:37

Why don't you give the money straight to you son so it doesn't become part of your estate?

kaytee87 · 21/06/2017 19:37

Yeah I'd just give it straight to my son

SisterhoodisPowerful · 21/06/2017 19:38

It depends. If you've been in his life since he was 2, then it would be very unfair. If he was 22, it's a different situation.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 21/06/2017 19:39

You'd also have to unravel who brought more to the relationship initially? Who had the bigger house deposit? who is the higher earner, because if its your DH and you've been content to live like that , but then when you get money is yours rather than joint, I think that's very telling

frenchfancy · 21/06/2017 19:40

It depends on what you plan to do with the money. If you plan to buy a 3 bed semi then ywnbu to leave that house to your dc. If however you plan to put the the money into the family pot then yabu.

The best thing might be to spend the money while you are alive rather than worrying about what happens to it when you die.

YABU to use the term adult kid.

EpoxyResin · 21/06/2017 19:40

At first glance I agree with your dh, but there are details that could change my mind.

TeenAndTween · 21/06/2017 19:41

Will your step kid also inherit from his other parent?
And how are other grandparents leaving assets?

I've seen here that often people divide between their biological children, so your joint DC would get 50%+25% and your step child would get 25% but also inherit from other parent/grandparents.

Original poster
PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 19:42

pambeesley - I didn't meet my step son until he was already in his 20s

StilldrivingmeBonkers - to be honest I have been thinking more and more about this - of buying a house in my own sons name. it would make a real difference to him to have secure housing as opposed to private renting

My husband does have some valid points, our own house DOES have several expensive jobs that need doing - but over time we have figured out realistic ways of getting these done, that never included the inheritance - and I think my husband sees this as a missed opportunity to maybe do this - however it doesn't sit right with me as the money then, would have been spent into renovations and be part of the estate

thanks for responses so far x

OP posts:
Original poster
PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 19:44

YABU to use the term adult kid

haha I know I just couldn't think of another way to put it, adult offspring maybe

OP posts:
Original poster
PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 19:45

Stilldrivingmebonkers, no the entire house deposit was mine - he put nothing in - just due to different circumstances and I don't feel anyway about that

its more this feeling of disloyalty to my dad, iyswim

OP posts:
Original poster
PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 19:47

Will your step kid also inherit from his other parent? Yes, is an only child

OP posts:
stiffstink · 21/06/2017 19:48

Depending on when your Dad died you might be able to vary his will to leave your legacy (or part of it) to your son, so you cut out yourself as middle man.

RandomMess · 21/06/2017 19:48

I would compromise, part for renovations bulk to pay for huge deposit for your son.

I think his reaction to this suggestion will tell you a lot.

dotdotdotmustdash · 21/06/2017 19:50

Why not buy a smaller property for your son with a chunk of the money and put it in his name then the rest goes in the pot? Your son never has to live in it but he's always got a rental income at least from it and it's his when he needs it.

PippaFawcett · 21/06/2017 19:50

I'm with you too OP. Not sure what the law says though.

EssentialHummus · 21/06/2017 19:51

I'd put some of it into renovations. You're (God willing) not going to keel over tomorrow, and the renovations would benefit you all as a family. As to passing on the residue of the inheritance, in the circumstances I'd leave it to your DS only.

Whocansay · 21/06/2017 19:51

You could possibly do a Deed of Variation and give it straight to your son - the it never forms part of your estate.

Does your husband stand to inherit anything and would he share it with your son?

HerRoyalNotness · 21/06/2017 19:52

I agree with you. Family inheritance to me is for family, not steps. They'll have money from their family (or not) which won't be shared with your son.

Joinourclub · 21/06/2017 19:53

I think that you should split it and give (at least) half to your son now and enjoy the rest yourself. If you think your father would want your son to 'get his share ' then give it to him now. And then use your share to have nice holidays, pay off the mortgage, retire early . If there are renovations that need doing it seems slightly ridiculous not to do them now that you have the cash. Especially if your reason is you don't want to do them because you don't want your step son to get the benefit when he inherits (in what, 20, 30 years time?).

missiondecision · 21/06/2017 19:53

Can't you renovate and give to your son??

Original poster
PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 19:55

Does your husband stand to inherit anything and would he share it with your son?

He does stand to inherit a small amount some day, but no he wouldn't be sharing - and that is quite honestly I feel the right thing to do as I feel sure my husbands family would prefer the money to stay within the blood family - we have discussed this and I completely agree that - or it would be hypocritical

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 21/06/2017 19:55

YANBU.

My DF jointly owns a house with his OH (they're not married but they've been together for 20+ years so she's my step-mum in everything but name only). They got together shortly after my DM died when I was 25. In their wills, it is very specific that I inherit my DF's share of the house if he dies (and she will probably buy me out). Nothing goes to her side of the family. And if she dies, I get nothing. I don't have a problem with any of this, neither does my DF or his OH.