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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not share inheritance?

122 replies

PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 19:34

Hi all,

I am looking for opinions please

Step family scenario, but all the kids are adults -I have one adult kid (27) , and one adult step kid (32) who lives abroad. My husband and I have joint wills where each kid gets 50% of our joint estate, nothing unusual there

I have inherited a decent chunk from my Dad - enough to buy a 3 bed semi for example.

I don't want this to become part of the estate

I feel disloyal (to my dad) if I was to allow this money to go outside of the family, he has never even met my step son

I had this conversation with my husband who implied I was being unreasonable, and said all money is OUR money. But I strongly disagree

Please give me your thoughts xx

OP posts:

Saiman · 21/06/2017 19:56

Will your son possibly inherit something from your dhs family. Like inheritance from dhs parents?

Or has dh used any inhertiance that will benefit your ds?

NoSquirrels · 21/06/2017 19:56

Split it 50/50 - taking 50% into the "joint pot" for renovations etc and giving the other 50% directly to your DS. If you think your Dad would have wanted to benefit his DGS then just make it happen now.

Wouldn't a large deposit enable your DS to buy somewhere?

Creampastry · 21/06/2017 19:57

Your inheritance stays with your family... maybe some small upscale work to house etc which you benefit from also, but the bulk to your side of the family.

ginswinger · 21/06/2017 19:57

When my Dad remarried, he got three step children (all adults). He made it quite clear that if he passed away, everything would be split five ways (3 SC plus myself and my brother). He wasn't especially close to his stepchildren but wanted no favouritism.

I respect that and I love him all the more for his fairness. He was a good man.

happypoobum · 21/06/2017 19:58

YANBU.

Just do what you want with the money - buying your DS a house seems reasonable enough.

CharlieSierra · 21/06/2017 19:59

There is no way I would put my parent's estate into the joint pot to share with my husband's children, and neither would I expect him to do it for mine. They all get their own Grandparent's legacy. Our children were all over 18 when we married but I'm not sure I'd feel differently if they hadn't been.

Whocansay · 21/06/2017 20:00

Oh stuff him then! Give it to your son! Frankly, he's got some brass next for asking!

Original poster

PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 20:00

Will your son possibly inherit something from your dhs family. Like inheritance from dhs parents? No, my son barely knows them they live miles away, and they don't have a lot to give bless them

OP posts:

witsender · 21/06/2017 20:01

I would think it reasonable to spend it on work that needs doing on your home, and if that 'bit' ends up in the estate so be it.

Then pass on a big deposit/buy a buy to let or whatever for your son from his grandfather

NoSquirrels · 21/06/2017 20:01

If you have enough to buy "a 3-bed semi" then 50% would presumably allow your DS to buy a smaller property.

I think if you can renovate the house you live in on the remaining 50% (or less, and bank 25%?) wouldn't your DF consider that a good use of his money? As a PP says, seems bonkers to consider renovations as benefiting "the estate" if you'll do them anyway, but I appreciate you don't want it all swallowed up.

Musicaltheatremum · 21/06/2017 20:01

I'm 53 I have 2 children 22 and 24. I was left very well off when my husband died. I probably don't need to work but love my job. The money I inherited is mine and my children's if I were to think of remarrying I would not consider any of the money I had already accumulated to go to grown up step children. I would use if for a new partner and to enjoy our lives but would protect it legally for my kids.

quizqueen · 21/06/2017 20:03

Get a 'buy to let' in your name and use the rental income to benefit your household's needs, as required, or holidays etc. but leave the house to your son in your will as a separate item as an inheritance from his granddad.

Longdistance · 21/06/2017 20:04

Yanbu.

This is the reason my fil hasn't done his will. He wanted to leave a proportion to mil (ex wife) as they were together 35 years. If she inherits her new Dhs family will inherit which has bog all to do with fil.

He still hasn't made a will, which will automatically go to his dc x3.

Original poster

PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 20:05

Thanks all, I really appreciate the different views and just wnted to check I wasn't being a completely selfish bugger

OP posts:

ollieplimsoles · 21/06/2017 20:05

I'm with you op, the step son will inherit from his side and your husband already said he wouldn't put his inheritance into the pot!

Give your son the money from his grandad.

Saiman · 21/06/2017 20:06

No, my son barely knows them they live miles away, and they don't have a lot to give bless them

But will your dh inherit from anywhere and where will that money go?

Cuppaoftea · 21/06/2017 20:07

Your DH is being very unreasonable considering you say any inheritance on his side would go to his son and not to yours.

Your idea of buying your DS a property in his name is a good one to give him security and you seem to feel this is what your DF would have wanted too.

I'd tell your DH that's what you're doing and follow it up with you think it's absolutely right any inheritance he comes in to goes to his son then refuse to discuss it further.

SoupDragon · 21/06/2017 20:08

He does stand to inherit a small amount some day, but no he wouldn't be sharing

So why does he think you have to share?

Intransige · 21/06/2017 20:08

I think inheritance should go directly to grandchildren anyway. With people living longer now, by the time people inherit they are often past the point in life where an initial "leg up" can make a huge difference. So in your position I would probably create a trust with some sort of regular income stream for your son. I'm not sure I'd buy a house, it's not the greatest investment at the moment.

Original poster

PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 20:10

Your DH is being very unreasonable considering you say any inheritance on his side would go to his son and not to yours well to be fair to him, that came about as a result of me saying what I plan to do with mine - he would likely have spent his on our house renovations had I agreed to do the same with mine. However I feel this is not the right thing to do, so we agreed that my husband should go by the same rules

OP posts:

frozenfairy123 · 21/06/2017 20:10

Definitely give the money to your son to buy a house. If need be you could charge him moderate rent? This could pay for your renovations? But if he sold the house its his money? X

Badbadbunny · 21/06/2017 20:10

What were the dynamics of the relationship between your Dad and your son, and your step son? Did you Dad even know your step son to any great degree? Unless Dad and step son had a pretty decent relationship, I'd say the money needs to stay on your side of the family, ultimately all going to your son. I'd expect the same to happen on your OH's side of the family, i.e. their inheritances to go wholly to your step son. What is a shame is that your Dad didn't specify in his will where he wanted his money to go.

converseandjeans · 21/06/2017 20:11

YANBU and I think the fact that he contributed nothing to your current property means he is lucky to have half share in that. Does he contribute equally to bills now?
I would do as others have suggested and transfer it directly to your son (presuming he is the only grandchild?)
Maybe keep some back for renovations? It is your money and he should not be trying to influence your choices.

Original poster

PlainJane29 · 21/06/2017 20:12

Does he contribute equally to bills now? yes, it was just luck on my part that I had the deposit it was a one off really I'm not rich or anything

OP posts:

kmc1111 · 21/06/2017 20:13

I would definitely use some of it for renovations and generally just improving your life now eg. a vacation, buying some things you've both wanted a while etc. Your father left the money to you, if he wanted to bypass you and give it all to your son he could have. So enjoy it a bit.

Given your step-son was an adult when you came into your life, I don't think it would be wrong to give your son, and only your son, a substantial amount of the inheritance.

I do think it would be fairly crap to avoid doing things that will greatly benefit you and DH now because one day long down the track the step-son might benefit from them too. That's no way to live.

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