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Original poster

What are some parents thinking

129 replies

sonlypuppyfat · 21/06/2017 18:22

Well I don't know if I'm brave enough for this but, today a really hot day DD yr 7 went on a school trip. It was a walking trip, up hills etc for geography. They didn't have to wear school uniform but old clothes they didn't mind spoiling, DD wore a white t shirt grey leggings and a white cap. Lots of her friends were in black jeans and black tops one girl even had a black cardi on. Also DD had to give her sun block out to loads of her friends who were getting sunburn, why we're so many of the children so unprepared for the weather?

OP posts:
purplecollar · 22/06/2017 10:40

Having a hat is non negotiable in this weather but whether they put it on or not when you're not there is beyond your control.

I should think every one of those dc had a sunhat in their bag, carefully buried, probably with some sun cream they couldn't find.

AlbanHefin · 22/06/2017 10:41

A son that "needs sizes that aren't made" yup!

brasty · 22/06/2017 10:44

I wore black jeans a black t shirts in hot weather when I was in my 20's. Now comfort takes priority.

mrsm43s · 22/06/2017 10:46

My year 7 is 12 and a half. She's been choosing her own clothes for probably half her life! Wildly inappropriate clothes I'd get her to change, but honestly that virtually never happens. For a trip such as the OP mentions, she'd almost certainly wear black leggings, trainers and a t-shirt. Possibly with a light cardi tied round her waist in case it cools down or if she needed to cover her arms up from the sun. She'd have applied all day sunscreen (P20 or Ultrasun) to all exposed skin before she went.

I'd be far more worried about a 12 year old who had to be dressed and creamed by mummy, which is so far behind developmentally what should reasonably be expected at that age, than one who was able to make independent choices about what they wear, but pitched it slightly wrong because they don't have much experience of the extreme weather we've had in the last couple of days. Surely most children have been independently choosing vaguely appropriate clothes since 6 or 7? Parents should only really step in if it's truly inappropriate - i.e. wearing a puffa jacket in a heatwave or a vest top in the snow. Black clothes on a hot day - meh, no big deal.

Ginandplatonic · 22/06/2017 10:49

I think at that age they need to start having some autonomy, so they can learn to make good choices. To me there are some things that are non-negotiable - in this case take a hat and water, wear sunscreen; and some things like precise choice of clothing where I would make suggestions/point out what I thought were poor choices, but unless actually dangerous, wouldn't insist.

It's winter here (Aus), 1 degC this morning, and my four teen/preteen boys went out the door in shorts and short sleeves. 🙄 I asked them if they had jumpers or jackets in their bags, but didn't actually check - if not they'll be cold, but not actually harmed, and will learn about consequences.

I think at that age you need to make sure they are safe, and within that allow them to start making their own decisions, or they will not learn.

cantkeepawayforever · 22/06/2017 11:06

A son that "needs sizes that aren't made" yup!

Off topic - can we start a campaign that says 36" inside leg trousers should be available from 26" waist and upwards, not just for those who have 40" waists as they are at the moment?

Or simply that more trousers should be sold like cricket trousers - available in a range of waist sizes, unhemmed and very long?

DS is currently wearing age 11-12 3/4 length trousers as shorts, as anything else has waists that are too large and legs that just about reach his mid-thigh and make his knees look absurd...

MrsOverTheRoad · 22/06/2017 11:07

My DD has dressed herself since she was 9...

wildbhoysmama · 22/06/2017 11:27

Cantkeepaway i think ur onto something! I have opposite prob- DS is tall, smallish waist but chunky, rugby thighs! Makes trousers a headache, even school trousers as he prefers slim cut as the standard ones can have wide legs at the bottom and he hates that ( and as an aside what is it with M&S school trousers that r perfect for a month then shrink around the thighs so they look like tights?! We're already on age 15-16 ( he's 12) with a belt, what will I do next session?!)
And don't get me started about the price of shoes/ trainers/ rugby boots/ football shoes when they're still children but have big feet and keep growing so have no tax free option!

wildbhoysmama · 22/06/2017 11:29

Sorry, wildly off topic!

cantkeepawayforever · 22/06/2017 11:32

Oh yes, wide availability of size 12+ school-appropriate shoes and trainers in mainstream shoe shops.

Clarks do at least do up to size 14 if pre-ordered....

Foniks · 22/06/2017 12:34

I'm really surprised at so many saying you can't tell an 11 year old what to wear!
I mean, they can choose their own things, but if it's inappropriate surely you just say no, go and change? They're 11, not even teens yet, still quite young and still listen to parents/carers.

deugain · 22/06/2017 12:55

I'm really surprised at so many saying you can't tell an 11 year old what to wear!

I can but there can be consequences grumpy child for duration - or hats taken and not worn or sun cream applied badly - that was last year mind sports day where she got slight burnt.

I find it better to offer suggestions or ask them to think about the weather or what they'd be doing. It seems to work - better than insisting. We do it on days out with family - got to point even our younger ones seem to sort themselves out with suitable clothes, accessories and drinks.

She now in yr 7 more likely to be one offering sun cream to her friends. She wears a coat in winter and wet - and while I can't get her to take off her cardigan even in hot weather - despite offering different underwear options or suggesting thicker blouses - she has a skirt she like wearing relatively long so is one of the few not rolling up her skirt to her arse cheeks.

NuffSaidSam · 22/06/2017 13:04

'I'm really surprised at so many saying you can't tell an 11 year old what to wear!'

I don't think that many people have said you can't tell an 11 year old what to wear. Nearly everyone as said exactly what you said 'they can choose their own things, but if it's inappropriate you say no, go and change'. It's just that unless it's horrendously inappropriate their is not really much point. In fact, it's probably a good thing for them to make a choice, realise it was the wrong one and self correct for next time.

A cardigan on a hot day is hardly the end of the world is it?! None of them were dressed in fancy dress or underwear and a bow tie! We're talking a 12 year old in jeans and a cardigan for goodness sake!

They need a little bit of independence and let's remember that these children are going to be mainly 12 or at least nearly 12. They are coming to the end of their first year at secondary school. It's ok if they choose to wear a cardigan on a hot day! They're not going to melt.

MrsOverTheRoad · 22/06/2017 14:37

Nuff exactly. How will they learn WHY not to do certain things otherwise?

If my DD won't wear a coat...she's 12..I'm not going to make her. She can shiver and work it out herself.

We don't live in frostbite territory.

The only things I do insist on as we live in Australia are hats and sunscreen...but they're like...I don't know...medicine almost! They're directly related to health...like drinking or an asthmatic's inhaler.

TrollMummy · 22/06/2017 14:55

It's not always about micro managing or telling them what do. My DD and friends are so focused on having the right look that they do not consider the practical things appropriate for the trip. In fact they really don't care about getting sunburnt or getting wet as having the right look is their priority. So as a parent I sometimes have to make suggestions about weather or suitability of choices and whether they listen or not is up to them.

Foniks · 22/06/2017 15:31

I mean, lots have said they'd say it but the child will still decide not to listen, or that it's a baffle and things like that.
Obviously it's good for them to learn from their own mistakes sometimes if it's not going to kill them or totally ruin their future. But you just tell them something and they should do it surely? I know every kid is different, some are "easy" some are strong minded (and I don't mean that in the way some people say as a polite way of saying something else, I actually think it's good if a kid is strong minded) some strop at 9, some strop at 15, some argue back by 3, others by 13 etc, but I'd have thought majority still just listen at those ages?

Foniks · 22/06/2017 15:31

Battle not baffle. Auto correct

steppemum · 22/06/2017 18:53

But you just tell them something and they should do it surely?

ha ha ha ha ha ha

sigh

no, never, not even at 3. I have always had to battle.
The irony is that I am not a pushover at all. Once I have said no, it is no, I am consistent, I pick my battles etc etc etc.

I could be supernanny, as I have all the techniques, but you know what? They are all 3 strong minded and say No. Being a good parent isn't about how often they say no/answer back etc, it is about what you do when they do. And we do, be consistent, there are consequences etc. I can enforce anything that has to be enforced.

I just don't see that what they wear age 11/12 on a school trip is something I am prepared to battle over. But then clothing has never been something I will fight over, unless it is essential like the DofE trip, or school uniform

Foniks · 22/06/2017 19:13

DSD is that age, usually listens quite well, that's why I'm surprised. Her cousins and my nephews and nieces too. One of them maybe needs to be told twice, but usually fine after.
DSD has always been like that though (been there since she was 2), so maybe just her personality or something.
My own isn't anywhere near that age yet.

paxillin · 22/06/2017 19:57

I allow them full control over anything as soon as they're ready. After a memorable short break with a 14 year old who packed 5 pairs of jeans but no pants or sandals, packing control went back to me to be returned at 15. After a winter day trip during which he chose to wear a thin hoodie aged 12, full control over clothing was removed for a bit.

Black jeans and no sunscreen at 34 degrees would tell me the 11/12 year old in question wasn't ready yet for full clothing autonomy.

Original poster
sonlypuppyfat · 22/06/2017 22:17

paxillin that's my thought exactly, 12 year old children don't get to to whatever they want at all times do they

OP posts:
purplecollar · 22/06/2017 22:19

I'm really surprised at so many saying you can't tell an 11 year old what to wear!

You don't have you yet, do you.

purplecollar · 22/06/2017 22:20

or one yet even...

NuffSaidSam · 23/06/2017 00:17

'that's my thought exactly, 12 year old children don't get to to whatever they want at all times do they'.

No.

But we're talking about a child wearing a cardigan and/or jeans on a hot day. That's hardly dong whatever they want at all times is it?!

I'm sure if they had said 'I'm not going on the hiking trip mum, I'm going to stay home and try heroin' the parents would have stepped in.

'I'm taking a cardigan on the hiking trip' doesn't really necessitate a post about what these dreadful parents are thinking or the immediate assumption that they must be allowed to do WHATEVER they want AT ALL TIMES.

Is 'had a black cardi on' slang for some drug reference or something? Is that where I've gone wrong? Are we not talking about a fucking cardigan?!

Foniks · 23/06/2017 00:20

If you'd read my earlier response you'd see a DSD and DD mentioned.
DSD is the same age group as those mentioned in this thread, and if told to change, she will change...as said in previous response.

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