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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What are some parents thinking

129 replies

sonlypuppyfat · 21/06/2017 18:22

Well I don't know if I'm brave enough for this but, today a really hot day DD yr 7 went on a school trip. It was a walking trip, up hills etc for geography. They didn't have to wear school uniform but old clothes they didn't mind spoiling, DD wore a white t shirt grey leggings and a white cap. Lots of her friends were in black jeans and black tops one girl even had a black cardi on. Also DD had to give her sun block out to loads of her friends who were getting sunburn, why we're so many of the children so unprepared for the weather?

OP posts:
timeforabrewnow · 22/06/2017 08:43

Also thinking - so what if they wore black trousers and tops - do you have to wear white because it's summer???

timeforabrewnow · 22/06/2017 08:44

I mean - obviously grey is so much better than black Confused

Brokenbiscuit · 22/06/2017 08:57

Well personally I find it bizarre that an 11/12 year old could have so little idea of what would be appropriate to wear on a school trip that you'd have to intervene in any way but by making the mildest suggestion. Trying to imagine what my ds would have to propose wearing to make me "lay down the law".

Exactly.

AlbanHefin · 22/06/2017 08:58

Our schools push choice on to the children as a philosophy.

Some do well with it , many are (surprise , surprise) immature. They are all by definition inexperienced. Hey ho.

They do develop at different rates. My son at 11 would have taken my (forceful) advice. At 14 he was pushing back and got a red glow a couple of times on a day out.

At 18 we have quite a decent relationship and he shows plenty of independence so I don't think my no nonsense attitude in early secondary did harm.

AlbanHefin · 22/06/2017 09:02

On dressing appropriately for the heat:

Tbh we don't see a lot of warmth where we are so the last fortnight of unbroken sun and warmth day after day has been a new experience for my kids! Also my younger ones are a bit daydreamy so I have to point out the weather and which clothes will work better later in the day as opposed to at 8 am.

originalbiglymavis · 22/06/2017 09:04

You should have seen what my year 8 was planning to wear to school today.

His favourite shorts (from last year so waaay too short) and his favourite t-shirt. Since he didn't tell us that he could wear civvies today (and only put some thought into it this morning) he just dug out the tshirt from the bottom of the dirty clothes basket.

He changed...

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 09:05

Mine would have worn a massive hoodie at that age. They soon learn that actually, comfort and practicality aren't terrible criteria on which to select an outfit.

I like the tutu and wellies comparison - it's spot on.

blueskyinmarch · 22/06/2017 09:07

At that age i gave my DD’s 'suggestions’ but unless it was something that put them in mortal danger i tended to let things like clothing slide. They do need to learn to make the right decisions by themselves and will learn from their mistakes. You can give youngsters all the pairs of shorts, sunhat, sun lotion or bottles of water you want but you can’t make them wear/apply/drink them.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/06/2017 09:07

My 9yo DS1 is a bit of a PITA when it comes to dressing appropriately for the weather, and we live in Australia.
He does wear a hat when sunny though (rules), and he does wear sunscreen if going to be out and about all day. But he has been known to put long trousers on, on a day that's going to reach the high 20s at the very least; and even now in winter, he occasionally tries to go to school in shorts and a shortsleeved polo shirt.

My trick with him is to make him stand outside the door in his chosen clothes for at least a minute - once he's got the measure of the outside temp, it's easier to persuade him to wear more or fewer clothes as necessary. Still hard to get him into a coat though!

AlbanHefin · 22/06/2017 09:08

Original you didn't stifle his autonomy did you?! 😁

cantkeepawayforever · 22/06/2017 09:08

My parental responsibility wrt clothes is fairly straightforward - i ensure that my offspring have a range of weather and occasion appropriate clothes from which they could make a reasonable selection on occasions like this.

Wrt to sunscreen it is more directive 'here is the sunscreen - put one dose on before you leave the house, and take the bottle with you'.

QWrt water etc it is 'Your filled water bottle is next to your lunchbox [which contains the sandwiches that i have made & is waiting for the child to add fruit & a snack item from the known selection]

If the child makes an inappropriate selection from the clothes available and is a bit uncomfortable hey, they'll do better next time. However if they leave the sunscreen behind despite the directive and get burned, I'll be really quite cross and point out the dangers.

cantkeepawayforever · 22/06/2017 09:10

(I should point out that both parents are out of the house 45 mins before the DCs go to secondary school, so I have had to trust them to make appropriate decisions ... and to learn to deal with the consequences of poor ones)

ComputerUserNotTrained · 22/06/2017 09:11

Oh, and someone up thread mentioned "five short years". They really are short, shorter than I could have imagined. One minute they're wearing ridiculous clothes to a Y7 trip, the next they're taller and hairier than you, with part time jobs in McDonald's.

BigYellowJumper · 22/06/2017 09:11

Am I the only person who never noticed any difference when wearing black clothing? I just don't think it makes any difference.

Also: year 7? My mother had zero impact on my clothing decisions at that age (after they'd been bought, obviously.) I got myself up and I put my clothes on and she might have said 'you'll freeze in that' but basically I was left to it.

Also, once I went up a hill in year 6 and one girl was wearing heels.
So some black clothing seems like a bit of a non-issue in light of that.

originalbiglymavis · 22/06/2017 09:11

Damn right I did. In this heat the laundry baskets the last place I'd go (plus it was a disgusting, faded, misshapen, tatty old shirt with a very old event logo on it that he bought at the event!). He was like Pigpen.

missyB1 · 22/06/2017 09:13

Its possible as pp said that some of them dont own appropriate clothing, or have an adult that cares enough to ensure they have a hat and suncream.

When mine were year 7 yes I would still have been supervising what to wear / take for a school trip.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/06/2017 09:16

Damn right I did. In this heat the laundry baskets the last place I'd go (plus it was a disgusting, faded, misshapen, tatty old shirt with a very old event logo on it that he bought at the event!). He was like Pigpen

My ds does that and I can assure you it's not from anything he's seen at home or bad parenting despite what was suggested up thread HmmGrin

TrollMummy · 22/06/2017 09:28

My year 8 DD went on a similar school trip yesterday. The previous evening involved hours of online chats with friends choosing what to wear for the trip. She showed me snap chats of friends in tiny ripped shorts and crop tops saying 'this is what everyone is wearing'. I had to remind DD that this was a school geography field trip and not a party beach in Ibiza - que lots of eye rolling at my suggestions about dressing more appropriately. We compromised in the end.

So YANBU OP, they do need some guidance about dressing appropriately for certain things. IMO going on a school trip in a pair of shorts and a crop top with everything hanging out is not appropriate.

GrassWillBeGreener · 22/06/2017 09:30

I can't see if anyone's suggested that leggings aren't ideal in 30 degree weather either ... much better if you've got something looser and air can circulate.

My 11 yr old cycled to Saturday morning activities and I didn't see what he was wearing till he got back. Saw him taking off a fleecy top and promptly sent him upstairs to change the long sleeved top underneath it for something looser and short sleeved! This was over fleecy tracksuit pants ... I said "aren't you boiling" - "well I was little warm" don't know why he hadn't taken the top off all morning!

pictish · 22/06/2017 09:30

Well...I would insist on appropriate clothing but then I probably wouldn't have to have a battle as we are a regular hillwalking family so our kids already know what it involves and the significance of what they wear.
Not everyone shares our hobby...not everyone is into tramping up peaks in all weathers. Unless you've experienced it you're not going to know are you?

Interestingly though, most of my outdoor gear is black - just my personal choice. My dd likes black too and often chooses black leggings and t-shirt for a hike. This is fine with me so long as she has layers she can take on and off at will and stuff in her rucksack. Colour isn't so much the issue as comfort and functionality.

I think you're being quite full of yourself to snipe about this.

MuncheysMummy · 22/06/2017 09:31

I think the issue is more that reading the replies on here most 11 year olds are treated like they aren't the children they are (despite thinking they aren't them selves of course!) at 11 you do as your told,yes you moan and whinge about it but tough luck you are a child and will be for many years to come yet.

styledilemma · 22/06/2017 09:31

That's interesting about black and white clothing.

White is more cooling if there's no wind.
Black is more cooling if there is wind.

Also a white t shirt offers less SPF protection than a black t shirt and the white t shirt offers even less protection if it gets wet.
I think whether the clothing is white or black, it needs to be loose and not too fitting.

Gottagetmoving · 22/06/2017 09:34

My year 7 daughter wouldn't take any notice of me if I told her what to wear

Bloody hell. You should be ashamed to admit that.

styledilemma · 22/06/2017 09:36

This might clear up some confusion.
Those young uns and their dark clothing might not be as daft as we think Wink

www.quora.com/Is-it-better-to-wear-white-clothes-rather-than-dark-ones-in-hot-conditions-Why-or-why-not

Seeline · 22/06/2017 09:37

My DCs are Y8 and Y10. When they have a school activity coming up, we will chat about what they are doing and check the weather forecast, and discuss between us what would be suitable. I don't order them to wear anything in particular, and they suggest what they think would be appropriate. No arguing Confused No disasters yet - although DS has yet to put on sunscreen if I am not there.
They are used to camping with scouts/guides so have some experience of outdoor activities, maybe that helps.
Both DCs are fairly sure of what they will wear to social events etc, (!)and I am happy to let them make those decisions. But when going out of their comfort zone, I think most kids need (and want) guidance.