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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What are some parents thinking

129 replies

sonlypuppyfat · 21/06/2017 18:22

Well I don't know if I'm brave enough for this but, today a really hot day DD yr 7 went on a school trip. It was a walking trip, up hills etc for geography. They didn't have to wear school uniform but old clothes they didn't mind spoiling, DD wore a white t shirt grey leggings and a white cap. Lots of her friends were in black jeans and black tops one girl even had a black cardi on. Also DD had to give her sun block out to loads of her friends who were getting sunburn, why we're so many of the children so unprepared for the weather?

OP posts:
Lemonnaise · 21/06/2017 19:27

I agree with Fresta. It sounds like a lot of posters are afraid to upset their 11 year olds and the kids do as they please.

NuffSaidSam · 21/06/2017 19:28

It probably depends on the child, but with my yr 7/12 year old it's best to give advice and then let her do her own thing (within reason obviously).

I would have told her to wear something cool, but if she insisted on black jeans I wouldn't have argued with her about it. She'll be too hot, she'll learn a valuable lesson!

At this point in yr7 most of them are twelve and twelve is not a 'young child', no. It's a child, but a child on the verge of teen-hood. Not a young child, like a five or six year old who needs to be told what to wear. A child who should be able to be somewhat independent e.g. travel to school by themselves. If they can navigate public transport and roads and so on, they can also navigate their own wardrobe! If you child can't for e.g. travel independently then I would say she probably is a bit young for her age.

DonaldStott · 21/06/2017 19:34

Theyre not toddlers! In a few years time they'll be going into the adult world.

Erm slight exaggeration. They are 7 years older than a toddler and 7 years younger than an adult. I wouldn't treat an 11 year old as nearly an adult. That's fucking ridiculous.

DrCoconut · 21/06/2017 19:58

I remember being told what to wear right up to leaving school unless it was inconsequential. I was considered a child and treated as such. For school, smart functions, outdoors things etc I was given my clothes and heaven help me if I didn't put them on without argument. I'm a lot more liberal with my kids as I remember the bullying I got for unfashionable "sensible" clothes etc but I'd draw the line at saying an 11 year old is nearly an adult and capable of making their own decisions.

BrexitSucks · 21/06/2017 20:13

I get tired of arguing with DC. They seem to manage with their own inappropriate choices. I am actually happy to let my kids learn from mistakes (often).

Your DD was kind to share her sunscreen, OP.

AfunaMbatata · 21/06/2017 20:14

Erm slight exaggeration. They are 7 years older than a toddler and 7 years younger than an adult. I wouldn't treat an 11 year old as nearly an adult. That's fucking ridiculous

Most are probably around 12 years old, 1 year away from being a teenager and 5 very short years before they could run off and marry (in Scotland).

I wouldn't treat an 11year old as a young child with re the clothes they chose to wear.

harderandharder2breathe · 21/06/2017 20:14

At 11 I would expect parents to suggest appropriate clothing but they can't force them. If they tried to do a hike in a minidress I wouldn't take them but vaguely appropriate clothes, yeah it's not worth the battle. I know they should have hats but again, some kids hate them and will just shove it in their bag or lose it immediately, so parents can only advise not force.

I'd also expect parents to provide drinks and sun cream, and check it was applied before setting off. And to remind them of the importance of drinking enough water.

NatureIsAWhore · 21/06/2017 20:21

I work outdoors with 11yr olds and it amazes me how many don't bring a jumper with them. Today not so bad, but 90% of the year I don't leave the house without a jumper.

endelessworries · 21/06/2017 22:24

Lemonnaise

Totally agree with you. They don't up to upset those little grimy things

Original poster
sonlypuppyfat · 21/06/2017 23:10

Well its made me laugh this thread, when it comes to school uniforms everyone on here is so keen on sending their children in exactly the right stuff but when I say children are dressed inappropriately for hot weather mostly I've had 12 yr olds can chose to dress themselves!

OP posts:
PickAChew · 21/06/2017 23:13

They'll have chosen them theirselves.

I grew up at peak goth. At great look in midsummer humidity!

MammaTJ · 21/06/2017 23:16

DD is 11. She is going to a theme park with a friend on Saturday. She has tried to tell me she is wearing a little skirt and t-shirt. I have told her she is not. She told me she can wear what she wants. I told her, fine, your dad will not drop you off to your friends then!

She will be wearing leggings, probably black, as that is all she owns, a light coloured t-shirt and carrying a similar outfit to change into, should she get wet on the water ride.

It is not that hard to tell 11 year olds what to wear.

PantPlot · 21/06/2017 23:17

Totally agree with you. They don't up to upset those little grimy things

Don't know what that means

when it comes to school uniforms everyone on here is so keen on sending their children in exactly the right stuff but when I say children are dressed inappropriately for hot weather mostly I've had 12 yr olds can chose to dress themselves!

Those are rules of the school though. When you accept a place, you agree that your child will abide by their specific rules (or you look elsewhere). TBH thats precisely why when the opportunity presents itself and children don't have to wear a certain thing, they choose what they want not what might probably be most appropriate.

And fwiw, I have no issue whatsoever with saying 'no' to my children (some now teens) where I think it's important. Clothing just isn't IMO.

NuffSaidSam · 21/06/2017 23:34

School uniform has nothing to do with it! 12 year olds have to follow school rules, just like adults have to follow the rules of their work place.

When allowed to wear what they want, most 12 year oldsare capable of choosing their own wardrobe. If they choose something wildly inappropriate then they will be told to change. If they choose something not ideal, but really not that much of a problem (i.e. black jeans or a cardigan!) they can be left to their own devices. There is value in learning from you own mistakes.

If DD was going hiking with school and she came down in a bikini and flip flops she would be straight upstairs getting changed OBVIOUSLY. If she came down in jeans/shorts/skirt/leggings or any other normal leg covering I'd leave it. Just like you leave a toddler when they want to wear wellies and a tutu to playgroup. Pick your battles.

Fresta · 22/06/2017 07:50

Mamma, I would do do the same as you.

For those that say you can't force an 11 year old wear what you decide- why not? I can. Most of the time she dresses herself and manages to choose appropropriately, but there are times when I have layed down the law and said 'no, you are not wearing that'. For e.g. she wanted to wear trainers to a Christening and I insisted she wore shoes- I could have let her wear trainers but I didn't feel it was appropriate for the occasion so she was made to change. Some might not have chosen to fight this battle, I can understand that, but I don't understand people who say they can't make their child do something.

Oblomov17 · 22/06/2017 08:07

Year 7, so 12 year olds are old enough to decide what to eat, how much water is appropriate to drink, what clothes to wear.

Brokenbiscuit · 22/06/2017 08:16

Most of them will be 12 or very nearly that. I think they're old enough to choose their own clothes.

I have a just 12yo and she dresses pretty sensibly, but I would advise and not dictate. They should have had sunscreen with them though.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/06/2017 08:19

Because according to mumsnet life style, 7 years old humans beings are capable of their own decisions, reaponsible individuals and how dare you criticise the way they dress. Did you instruct your daughter how to dress in a hot weather? She'll be spoiled that made me properly chuckle Grin

I'm with you OP,it's ridiculous

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/06/2017 08:21

Year 7, so 12 year olds are old enough to decide what to eat, how much water is appropriate to drink, what clothes to wear

I don't know why any child needs parenting after the age of 6 really.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/06/2017 08:22

For those that say you can't force an 11 year old wear what you decide- why not? I can. Most of the time she dresses herself and manages to choose appropropriately, but there are times when I have layed down the law and said 'no, you are not wearing that'

Absolutely!

Gingernaut · 22/06/2017 08:30

We've had parents kicking off after being criticised for facilitating their sick child's unhealthy diets.

Bad teeth, obvious signs of malnourishment, diabetes....it's not their fault the children are making unhealthy choices, how dare we?

If it's suggested that they stop buying crap, they are outraged.

Gingernaut · 22/06/2017 08:33

It depends on upbringing and the choices they are capable of making.

If they don't have good examples, children won't make good choices - regardless of what the decision is about.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/06/2017 08:36

If they don't have good examples, children won't make good choices - regardless of what the decision is about

Not always true at all.

BarbarianMum · 22/06/2017 08:41

Well personally I find it bizarre that an 11/12 year old could have so little idea of what would be appropriate to wear on a school trip that you'd have to intervene in any way but by making the mildest suggestion. Trying to imagine what my ds would have to propose wearing to make me "lay down the law". Swimming trunks???

timeforabrewnow · 22/06/2017 08:42

Excuse me - I'm just hoiking my judgey pants up.

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