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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be able to get over DH'S fussy eating?

381 replies

wowl · 20/06/2017 19:49

I'm prepared to be told I am, but I'm just at the point of being beyond frustrated and into very angry. I'm probably being ridiculous so this is a bit lighthearted but I am frustrated.

I don't remember him being this bad when we got together. I really don't. I'm an adventurous person but not even that adventurous an eater, the food I like is perfectly normal. I used to bend to what he liked and cook things he'd eat (SAHM of a toddler) but now we live with another family member who also likes what I like so the fact he won't eat it is really being rubbed in my face now.

Meals he will eat:

  • beef burgers with chips (picks the salad out if at a restaurant)
  • margarita pizza
  • chicken nuggets or breaded chicken breast and chips
  • toad in the hole
  • sausages in a baguette or with mash and peas
  • fish and chips
  • tikka masala
  • lasagna if pushed
  • cheese sandwiches

...that's pretty much it. Made non-spicy fajitas tonight and he's picked over one for 45 minutes Hmm

I just feel like I'm living with 2 children instead of one, and I find it a massive turn off. It's driving me mad at the moment, so AIBU to be really annoyed by this? He says he "tries new things" but that means taking one bite and making faces. I can't take it anymore!

OP posts:
MacarenaFerreiro · 21/06/2017 17:09

Tonight we're having chicken marinated in garlic, rosemary and lemon (thank you Waitrose reduced to clear), potato wedges and salad. We have one of those little wooden signs in the kitchen saying "take it or leave it" - fully expecting clean plates all round.

Sallystyle · 21/06/2017 17:10

I am a fussy eater. DH doesn't care. If he really wants something I don't like he will cook it and I will sort myself out or have what is on the side.

I am not childish. I can't help it. I don't want to be this way. I was raised by my mum who eats everything and introduced me to a wide range of foods from a very young age. I used to gag on loads of foods as a kid and I would do the same today.

I can't grow up and get over it. I can't just decide to like more foods. People who think we can just get over it might want to take their own advice, grow up and get over the fact that some people are fussy eaters and they can't change it.

It's not a moral failing.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 21/06/2017 17:11

U2HasTheEdge Absolutey spot on. I'm exactly the same with exactly the same background.

Some attitudes on this thread are just nasty and intolerant.

SapphireStrange · 21/06/2017 17:12

YANBU. It is deeply boring and very unattractive. Why do you pander to it? Make what you want for you and the other member of the household. He can cook for himself or he can grow up and join in.

BandeauSally · 21/06/2017 17:12

They really are what. I think some are goading for kicks though.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 21/06/2017 17:16

Ah sorry no I didn't mean veggie was fussy, simply that I wouldn't cater to specific diets in my immediate family. I do with guests but not daughter or husband,

Well, aren't I lucky that my mum and dad respected my views as a human being! When I said that I wanted to be a vegetarian for ethical reasons, my parents asked if I was sure and then respected my wishes.

Disguarding your own child and husband's choices like that is just unkind. It would hardly be difficult to swap pork sausages to veggie sausages or beef mince to quorn.

Yesyesyesyeswhatever · 21/06/2017 17:20

I said "stereotypical". I know as such it is not applicable to all, or even, likely, the most. However, as a foreigner, starchy, processed and fried foods are vastly more popular here than anywhere else I have lived/visited. As an example, in our nearest, small town there are 3 Gregg's literally a stone's throw away from eachother, flourishing (in addition to countless chippies type places and a pizza chain or two, and, to be fair, maybe a proper restaurant or two, as well). Me and DP joke that you go to the first one and gobble up a pasty by the time you hit the next, and get a pie, and so on.

DP would be happy with any bowl of chips if I wanted to go out eat anywhere. I just view it as a waste of money, unless in a foreign country, as I can easily and more cheaply cook what I want at home. Veganism also restricts me from some places, as unlike DP I'd feel a bit silly to go out to eat and only have a bowl of chips. IMO life is too short and I love DP too much to view this as an important issue. But I that does not mean I think I know better. Just different strokes for different folks, I guess!

MacarenaFerreiro · 21/06/2017 17:21

Fussy eating is a learned behaviour... so you can retrain yourself not to be fussy. If you're prepared to put the effort in.

Sallystyle · 21/06/2017 17:21

BTW my husband thinks I'm sexy. Yes, my bowels are shit. I am reminded by MN often that I am a childish twat because of my eating habits. I know I should just grow up and get over it. I am sure my taste buds will change if I just grew up a bit.

I love food. I don't like much of a variety of food but I love going out to eat. DH is happy to go to restaurants where he knows there will be something I like on the menu. Thankfully I can find something in most restaurants that I can tolerate.

I don't make my family go without because of my dislikes.

I am not only a pain in the arse and a childish person but I'm also now not sexy and unattractive.

Thankfully I can brush the comments off and file them under ignorance.

LilyMcClellan · 21/06/2017 17:22

The OP isn't making separate meals, Sally, she's cooking for the whole family due to cost, and is therefore limited largely to what her DH will eat. What about the second part of my question? If she's making an effort for him, is there any obligation for him to make an effort for her/the family?

@U2hasTheEdge

It's not a moral failing but it's also not unchangeable. I used to be a fussy eater. There were loads of foods that I gagged at the thought of. But I wanted to be less fussy, so I tried to keep an open mind. Over time, and different situations, I found there were ways I could enjoy foods that previously I never wanted to eat.

At the moment, one of my final standouts is courgette. The smell and texture of cooked courgette is still something I am not at all keen on and can't yet eat. But I have kept trying different ways of eating it... raw, mandolined slices marinated in lemon in salad, stuffed deep-fried zucchini flowers, chargrilled slices in a panini, etc. So I'm getting there. One day I expect I'll be able to face a ratatouille.

caffeinestream · 21/06/2017 17:23

Again, there is a difference between being fussy and just dealing with it quietly, and being fussy but making sick noises/faces and being rude to the person who's taken time to cook for you!

Sallystyle · 21/06/2017 17:24

Fussy eating is a learned behaviour.

So, oh wise one, who taught me to be fussy? Do you not think I've spent many many years trying to 'retrain' myself? How many more years do you think it will take until I'm cured of this horrendous moral failing?

RainbowJack · 21/06/2017 17:25

I wonder if fussy eating occurs in places people are starved for food.

BandeauSally · 21/06/2017 17:25

Silly U2, didn't you know you just need to retrain yourself?? I wonder if we clubbed together could we afford a de-fussiness trainer to teach us how to grow up and behave like the sexy people we should be?

Sallystyle · 21/06/2017 17:25

It's not a moral failing but it's also not unchangeable. I used to be a fussy eater. There were loads of foods that I gagged at the thought of. But I wanted to be less fussy, so I tried to keep an open mind. Over time, and different situations, I found there were ways I could enjoy foods that previously I never wanted to eat.

What makes you think I haven't tried to do the same as you?

I have found that with age I can now eat a bit more. I have done the whole trying to retrain myself. I am happy for you that you were able to change things around. I haven't managed it.

Sallystyle · 21/06/2017 17:27

Silly U2, didn't you know you just need to retrain yourself?? I wonder if we clubbed together could we afford a de-fussiness trainer to teach us how to grow up and behave like the sexy people we should be?

Oh I'm sure we could.

Mind you. I could probably manage to make myself look sexy by sucking on a magnum. I could also use chocolate sauce to be sexy with as well.

Yesyesyesyeswhatever · 21/06/2017 17:28

Do agree that making faces and yuck noises etc. is not on. DP obviously doesn't do that. I wonder if this is not a fussy eating issue, but rather a petulant, unpleasant man issue.

BandeauSally · 21/06/2017 17:29

Ooh I've got a magnum in the freezer. I'm off to see how sexy I can be whilst eating it.

KERALA1 · 21/06/2017 17:30

Funny how fussy people always seem to like junk food, ice cream, chips and things like that.

BandeauSally · 21/06/2017 17:31

Do they kerala? Always? All of them?

Yesyesyesyeswhatever · 21/06/2017 17:32

They are generated to appeal to human tastes and drives to consume fat and sugar. Also, many,IME, were raised on them, especially, it seems, in the 70s.

Bluntness100 · 21/06/2017 17:32

I wonder if fussy eating occurs in places people are starved for food

I suspect it's only when one has the luxury of choice that one can be fussy,,,,

Sallystyle · 21/06/2017 17:32

Well there is a lot of junk food I won't touch. Crisps, peanuts, lots of junk cereals and I am even very fussy about my chips. I also like some healthy food!

KERALA1 · 21/06/2017 17:32

Yep. Pretty much.

Never met a fussy eater who falls on broccoli and turns nose up at ice cream.

Highalert · 21/06/2017 17:33

Why force yourself to eat something you don't like?

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