to not be able to get over DH'S fussy eating?

[wowl]

I'm prepared to be told I am, but I'm just at the point of being beyond frustrated and into very angry. I'm probably being ridiculous so this is a bit lighthearted but I am frustrated.

I don't remember him being this bad when we got together. I really don't. I'm an adventurous person but not even that adventurous an eater, the food I like is perfectly normal. I used to bend to what he liked and cook things he'd eat (SAHM of a toddler) but now we live with another family member who also likes what I like so the fact he won't eat it is really being rubbed in my face now.

Meals he will eat:

• beef burgers with chips (picks the salad out if at a restaurant)
• margarita pizza
• chicken nuggets or breaded chicken breast and chips
• toad in the hole
• sausages in a baguette or with mash and peas
• fish and chips
• tikka masala
• lasagna if pushed
• cheese sandwiches

...that's pretty much it. Made non-spicy fajitas tonight and he's picked over one for 45 minutes

I just feel like I'm living with 2 children instead of one, and I find it a massive turn off. It's driving me mad at the moment, so AIBU to be really annoyed by this? He says he "tries new things" but that means taking one bite and making faces. I can't take it anymore!

I don't remember him being this bad when we got together. I really don't

Going back to the OP - I think we sometimes overlook faults in a new partner because we're so infatuated with them, whether that be very restricted eating, farting, poor dress sense or anything else.

When you first got together, you weren't cooking for him. Time to go back to that.

Who the fuck wants to be sexy at the dinner table anyway?

Some people might. I meant in terms of the whole relationship as you would probably want to be sexually attracted to your partner. Child like behaviour could make that difficult.

Making faces and picking over food? Fuck that.

His bowels must be clogged up on that diet. It is awful.
I don't mind children being like this but adults are really irritating unless they have a medical condition. Although no medical condition is going to be improved by hat diet.

This thread totally divides me. Firstly I'm a stickler for manners so being rude about a dish would rile me.
However, I've had anorexia for most of my adult life. There are long lists of foods I can't eat. Namely most items on op's list, fried dishes and dairy and I struggle with a lot of carbs. My diet is largely plant based with some added lean protein. I don't expect anybody else to eat as I do and I'm happy to cook separate dishes for me if necessary. For me it's not fussiness. It's not even dislike, he'll what I would give to eat a hawian pizza but I can't because of the panic and emotional chaos it evokes. It's a really horrible place to be. But reading this thread makes me so dispondant. The judgements people cast, the 'I couldn't be with someone who doesn't share my love of food', it just makes me feel like a bit of a pain in the arse really.
What I would say though is that there is a lot more to me than what I will and won't eat. I'm a caring, fun loving, generous person and I guess that's why those who stand me do.

I feel sorry for you OP. I know I shouldn't really care about other people's eating habits but picky eaters wind me the fuck up! I'm sorry for people who have these issues with food but it does seen infantile and really isn't sexy.

I went out with a guy once who didn't care for my cooking. He had a problem with me seasoning things and using herbs and spices. He also liked his pasta cooked until it was mushy and would complain if I cooked it al dente. We didn't last long! And I thought he was bad enough, let alone someone who would only eat beige stuff

Ultimately it's a compatibility thing. Perhaps you can come to a compromise. For me good food is a very big part of my life and I don't want to compromise.

What is this obsession with people needing to be sexy through what they eat? I can assure you that people who have these issues with food have more things going on in their head than appearing sexy to whoever is across the table from them.

Yanbu - if dh was like this we wouldn't have got beyond the dating stage sorry. Enjoying food together is a big part of our lives it's not a sex thing but we love cooking, eating out, travelling and trying new food etc.

That said if a boyfriend sat there picking bits out of their dinner and demanding children's food any sexual desire on my part would wither away.

So, like a normal adult, he gets involved with meal planning and list preparation, and helps his partner to make life easier for both of you. If he has mental health issues which reduce what he can eat, for the sake of his physical health he needs to work out a meal plan.

If he really is pulling faces and saying 'eewww' he should be wearing the meal by now.

Is your dhs name Gareth? (Spicy as fuck thread)

You can choose whether to care about things like this. I suggest choosing not to care.

if a boyfriend sat there picking bits out of their dinner and demanding children's food any sexual desire on my part would wither away.

Exactly - it's not about how suggestively you're eating a carrot or licking your lips and fluttering your eyelids like Nigella. It's about how attractive you find someone in general, and sitting there with a face on because you're having curry and he won't eat anything more adventurous than a chicken nugget is a massive turn off.

I think a lot of people care because a) food is a huge part of life, b) a limited diet isn't the best example to set to children and c) a diet of beige is really not healthy and setting people up for health problems down the line.

Okay, you CAN live off nuggets, chips, fish fingers and beans, but ultimately it's lacking in variety, not very nutritious and very restrictive when eating out, going to events or travelling abroad. Some people don't want to be restricted by someone else's poor eating habits/fussiness in that way.

God, you'd all hate me then. I'm what you'd consider picky, but I can tell you exactly why I won't eat certain foods. It's mostly texture rather than taste - don't like raw tomato but will eat it cooked, not a fan of mushrooms, seafood in any form makes me feel ill. I can't eat cheese because it makes me throw up. Never been a big fan of lamb or pork (just plain pork - I like bacon, sausages, ham etc.) because they're fattier than chicken or beef. And I go off stuff if I cook or eat it too often - I do all the cooking in our house, so that makes things even harder. I have to regularly change the menu so I can actually eat. It's not childish to dislike or have issues around food - it's childish to complain because someone else has different tastes to you.

I remember being on holiday with an old boyfriend and his family. They bullied me into eating fish even though I said I didn't like it. They said "how do you know if you've never tried it?" They thought that in 19 years on this earth I had simply never eaten cod

The reality is that most people would not want to be with partners who eat a limited range of beige food only. It's not an attractive trait.

Sorry for all of those with serious food issues. It sounds difficult for your and yours.

There's a difference between being fussy but quietly making sure you're catered for, and openly being rude about other people eating something different to you.

But I'm afraid I couldn't live with a fussy eater. I love going out to restaurants, trying new foods and travelling and eating the local cuisine - you can't really do that with someone who only eats nuggets, chips and plain pasta!

I'd treat him the same way as I treat my kids when they pull faces.

"It's incredibly rude to pull faces at the dinner table, particularly when I've taken the time to cook this for you."

Yes KERALA! and MacarenaFerreiro That's exactly it!
Personally I find it a massive turnoff if someone will only eat nursery food. It's nothing to do with being sexy at the dinner table.
Having said that, I went out with a chef for years and my current partner is also an excellent cook and that IS sexy!

I really honestly feel for people with serious food issues, but someone who's just boing childish and who won't try new things is a whole different issue and would be a massive turn off.

Sounds like it has been decided the OPs DH is just being fussy for fussy's sake and doesn't have a genuine food issue. How do people know?

Buy seven frozen margarita pizzas every week, bung one in the oven for him every night. Job done, cook normal food for the rest of you. It's honestly not worth wasting any more thought on this, he isn't going to change at his age.

I think with food issues/preferences, the key difference is "is it a personal preference or an attention/control thing?"

I was brought up Muslim (not practising any more though ) and had restrictions regarding halal meat/alcohol.

So I just ordered the vegetarian option every time I was in a non halal meat restaurant (without even commenting on it - a lot of Muslim people do this).

No problem, I'm sure a lot of people with dietary restrictions do similar things.

Overall,I did (and do) hugely enjoy eating out

Conversely, I have socialised with some types who like using their food "issues" to get everyone in their social group to pander to them/go through a list of restaurants and ask them if they fancy anything whilst they deliberate

so they can sigh melodramatically and act like they're doing everyone a massive favour by providing them with the pleasure of their company

It's not the food that they care about, it's having the power to get someone else to ruin their own night out by acting like their mother and having to give headspace to their whims

It's not about being sexy at the dinner table as such, it's that child-like behavior patterns are generally unattractive in adults.

In exactly the same way, it's not sexy when adults constantly leave a litter of teacups, used socks, wet towels, half-read magazines, work papers etc etc across the house, and then when it's suggested they might clean up after themselves because it's an inconvenience to everyone else in the household, pout, feign incompetence, and complain that they're "just naturally messy" and "can't see why it bothers anyone else because it doesn't bother me."

Hang on, you are likening a severe food issue (in some cases an eating disorder) to being a lazy bastard who leaves their shit lying everywhere! One of those is a choice and one isn't. How can you not see the difference?

Another fussy eater here, although I do eat a wider variety than op's DH. I have been 'fussy' for my entire life and although my palette has gotten better over the years. Trust me when I say I do not choose to be this way, if I could suddenly start eating things that I don't like without trying not to gag, throw up or make a show of myself then I would but unfortunately, it's a long process. It's taken years and years for me to get where I am now and I am prone to set backs, especially when my depression and anxiety are bad. Being told throughout my life that I am 'stupid' 'attention seeking' and 'making a fuss' along with other things when has done nothing for my self esteem though.

I do the bulk of the cooking and 9 times out of 10 I'm cooking something I don't like for the kids and DP as I don't feel it fair that they should miss out and I would hate for the dc to turn out like me. They both already eat a much wider range of food than I ever have, so fingers crossed I'm doing something right.

Obviously pulling faces at other peoples meals is bad manners. But surely that's an individual thing rather than a fussy eater thing. I've been on the receiving end of bad manners myself from people who can't help but comment on my eating habits or my choice of meal at a restaurant when all I want to do is enjoy my meal without being sneered or stared at.

Lots of intolerance on this thread. Food issues are often quite complex even if it doesn't seem like it on the surface. Not many people choose to be 'fussy'. Why would you? Given the amount of negativity that people with a limited diet are on the receiving end of on this thread alone? Some might say it's an attention seeking thing, well for me attention was always the last thing I wanted. There's nothing worse than everyone watching as you try a new or unfamiliar food, or you find that a meal you ordered in a restaurant has some unexpected texture to it which makes you want to spit it right out again, trying to force it down whilst doing everything you can not to panic and throw up. It's humiliating to be honest, but it's also not an easy issue to fix.

Op the only really viable option given your circumstances is to cook what ever you want for you/the dc and let him cook for himself. You can't force him to eat food he doesn't like but at the same time you shouldn't have to miss out either. I know you say you can't afford to buy two sets of meals but it's worth looking into, maybe there is a way you can make it work for you all.

I don't know why some people are so incensed by another persons diet though. Provided they don't force you to eat what they're eating, who really cares? All these comments about fussy eaters putting a strain on the NHS are hilarious though. Unless you're in perfect physical or mental health, you don't drink, smoke, do drugs or do anything else that is bad for your health, then you have no place to scoff at another person 'burdening' the NHS. Ridiculous argument, to be frank.