Am I being a terrible snob?

[GirlOnATrainToShite]

SMIL and FIL coming to stay for week soon which is an annual event. They are in all lovely and no trouble apart from the fact they watch every single soap going .

I admit I am not great with guests and I struggle having people in my space for long periods. We are also a large blended family so the house will be full (not relevant).

SMIL is a lovely northern lady who lives in an area where everyone is in and out of each other's houses, everyone knows that each other and it's a small area we live down south in a big area and very much keep to ourselves - we know most of our neighbours and are friendly but that's about it. I hate people turning up "unannounced".

We have no front garden (Victorian semi) just a very narrow path at the front of the house and a low wall dividing it from the pavement.

We do however have a (small) back garden which gets plenty of sun.

SMIL insists on taking a dining room chair and sitting on the front "path" and resting her legs on the wall with the front door wide open saying hello to anyone who walks past.

I know there are bigger things going on right now but AIBU to really hate her doing this as it's seems a bit "common" and prefer her to use the back which is private? I know she's not hurting anyone but I hate having my front door wide open (I will be at work some of the time). I need to chill out don't I?

Weirdly if I sit out the front (no garden at the front) it's more private. The front is a dead end road, my back garden has a knee high fence and is on a road which leads to a shop/doctors etc. I sit in the garden and everyone looks at you but not allowed a higher fence

I get what people are saying and I will just let her get on with it - it's not worth falling out over - I will assert myself with the dining room chair though.

I was brought up with a very intense sense of "manners" and two parents who were bought up in poverty and "did good" so a sense of "appearances" was instilled in me and not "showing off" or letting yourself down in public were paramount.

So sometimes I return to default

OP i really wouldn't worry, if she was rude or common then maybe but like you said she's sociable and friendly so noone will take any notice!
In fact if she's friendly people will probably like it, I lived up North for Uni but grew up in London and was taken aback at how most times i left my house strangers would greet me with 'Good morning' and 'Hello', it was like a musical! lol You never know a simple hello from her might actually make someone's day, so it's all good!

Ensure she has a small dish of olives out there by her side...

Well I didn't get any complaints

She sounds like a character. I'd let her get on with it. Easy for me to say as it's not outside my house.

I do remember being told it was common to sit in the front garden, one of the cardinal sins along with using the word 'toilet' or 'pardon' or dinner when you mean lunch etc

If I saw this outside one of my neighbours I'd laugh and think 'I bet her at number 22 doesn't like her MIL doing that!'

Chloe, why do mice/rats (altho' in the context of this thread, shouldn't that be 'maice/rets'?) come in more readily through the front door? I've only ever seen the odd mouse in our back garden and once, many years ago, (shudder) when I was living in a rented place in deepest Brixton, rats in the back garden. (Misses point of thread, which isn't very interesting, apart from Chloe's fear-inducing contribution).

I have done my 40 hours personal therapy and my counselling diploma.

It doesn't end there though does it. Which, if you have done your diploma you will know. Developing self awareness is an ongoing thing. And being aware of and understanding your prejudices is a huge part of that.

Are you working as a counselor? Please say you have regular supervision.

Cromwell, I agree leaving the back door open is an even quicker way to get mice/rats.

In my part of London, I know of a few homes (including my own) that got mice/rats through through leaving a door open. One neighbour had a great infestation of rats. We never leave the doors open now, ever.

Seriously?! That's freaky. Our backdoor is always open!!!.

Fucking hell - I posted on an annoymous forum about my partners dad's partner sitting out on the street on my good dining room chair.

Even if I do work as a counsellor I am not being a counsellor right now I am me in my own personal down time.

Anyone who is in "professional" mode all the time is not in a healthy place.

And yes thanks very much I do get supervision - not that that is ANY of your business quite frankly you can stop clutching your pearls.

It's liberating to post here actually. I hope that's ok?

And Cromwell - why read a full thread if it's not that interesting- why do people on here have to be so bloody horrible?

It's not even funny

I think you've had a bit of a hard time here as perhaps you've had difficulty articulating exactly what bothers you. For me, the issue would be a guest who insisted on imposing her way of doing things on my house.

I've always believed that as a visitor anywhere it is polite to fit in with your host.

It's fine.

People will respond though. Sometimes disagree and/or have an opinion on or be concerned about what you say.

Yes, country. Pest control advise that mice can get under door gaps, so an open door is an invitation to them. 😬

Omg Arealhumanbeing you are making a bit of a song and dance tbh!

I'd say leave her to it. Whilst it's not common (there's worse she could do than that), just chill and all will be okay.

You have me thinking now op.
I wouldn't choose to sit in any part of a garden overlooked by other people's windows I would feel watched.
However it wouldn't bother me where anyone else chose to sit.
Whippet owning southerner living in the north of that helps.

Chloe luckily never had that problem where I've lived!! I'd hate not to be able to leave a door open for fear of mice !!

How cute. Leaving the door open I would not like but it's very sweet she talks to people. Perhaps view this as a behavioural experiment to challenge yourself to sit in the discomfort? I can see how you'd hate attention drawn- I'd struggle with that too x

I think she sounds lovely, and a bonus if you're not keen on guests - she won't be crowding you sitting outside. I'd get her a proper comfy outdoor chair, and present it to her with a 'I know how much you like to sit outside, so I thought I'd make it comfortable.
Northern born and bred, southern for 20 years if that makes any difference. I do find southerners less friendly but not if you present them with friendliness. I bet she goes down a storm.

I've never heard of it as a Northern thing, but picturing a woman sat outside on a chair in head to toe leopard is making me picture a brothel.

But I've been watching a lot of Narcos recently.

You're the one swearing and worrying about pearl clutching. No song and dance here and I haven't been nearly as hard on you as other posters.

You posted a longish response to me and asked a question. So I answered you.

Go and have a glass of wine or something.

Is counselling a "profession"?