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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 19/06/2017 18:51

20 minutes?!

This is the type of entitled 'parenting' that gives us all a bad name.

Fwiw we were meant to take the dc to an acrobatic type circus yesterday but didn't because I could imagine in this heat a small airless tent wouldn't have been much fun with a toddler and baby in tow for us, my other dc and other patrons. We made different plans, not just rail road ahead and sod everyone else.

What you did wasn't fair to your dc nor anyone else there.

waterrat · 19/06/2017 18:51

six of one half a doen of the other.

Britain is a child-unfriendly country. IN Italy or spain nobody would complain, lots of people would come over to try and soothe your child or offer to take him for a walk. In spain waiters literally take a baby from your arms for cuddles so you can eat - without asking!

But - this is britain and people are miserable.

Suntrapped · 19/06/2017 18:51

OP I would do the same if my 2 year old were overheated and there was no other shade nearby. If your child is at risk of heat exhaustion/dehydration you need to put them first. I would have tried rocking her in the buggy with a damp muslin over her legs and ordered lots of cold juice.

If we were a short walk from the car and she cried longer than 10 mins, I'd probably ask for our lunch to be packaged and we'd eat in the car with the air-con on high. But there is no reason others can't do the same- storming out leaving your food because of a crying baby is childish and petulant.

Provided you are doing your best to calm child (food/water/fanning/toys/games/tabletc) I don't think you did anything wrong. A toddler is a person too. It's not like you brought a dog inside and let it bark.

Being honest, I would have found the noise annoying, but toddlers and babies crying are part of life.

UK has a strange attitude to children in public. In many countries people would rush to help you and try to distract the crying child, the waiters would help and offer child sweets and talk to the stressed parents.

RussianDolls · 19/06/2017 18:51

Bloody hell.

Poor OP is getting a huge pasting on here. Glad all of you are such perfect parents.

We all make mistakes.

LogicalPsycho · 19/06/2017 18:52

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thecatsarecrazy · 19/06/2017 18:52

You were being totally unreasonable and I don't understand why you took them out in this heat. I didn't take my son to baby group because its far too hot

GreenTulips · 19/06/2017 18:52

But it was too hot for him outside, this is the whole point! And there was nowhere I could have cooled him down!

The swimming pool instead?

Harry Potter? He's 4!!

Rude - did you apologise? Why should the waiter do it for you?

Why can't you pacify a 4 year old screaming? You need a back bone - take him out - tell him he won't go anywhere nice again if he carries on - you were getting 'evils' not navies of the crying but because you weren't dealing with it

Aeroflotgirl · 19/06/2017 18:53

I am sorry, you and your husband should have taken it in turns with ds outside. Finished up quickly and left.

phoenixtherabbit · 19/06/2017 18:53

I really did not know that if it's over 25 degrees all children must stay at home in paddling pools and not go to any public places. What do they do in countries that are hot all the time?! What do you do if you don't have a garden or a paddling pool?! Stay inside and miss all the nice weather in case you upset some huffy old couple?

Montsti · 19/06/2017 18:53

Yabvvu.... how very selfish and entitled...

grannytomine · 19/06/2017 18:53

OP sorry you had such a horrible time. Listening to little ones cry is never pleasant but it is a shame adults can't have a little sympathy for a distressed child. I hope he is OK.

CiderwithBuda · 19/06/2017 18:54

Two lessons learned. Don't attempt to put small children through a day trip like that on one of the hottest days of the year. Take child out if he starts screaming.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/06/2017 18:54

That is what I did when dd was young, no I am not perfect by a long shot, but I am also aware of other people and the surroundings, and that they might want a quiet cup of tea and cake. Espcially the crying was echoing, and loud, it would have been bloody hard for others to listen to. Its hard enough as parents to.

HildaOg · 19/06/2017 18:54

Ywbvvvvu. You should have taken him outside to calm down. You could have found shade under a tree or taken him indoors elsewhere. There's no excuse for inflicting that on people who are paying to relax. Have a bit of consideration for others.

waitforitfdear · 19/06/2017 18:54

summer

You post aibu clearly thinking you arnt and it's old people and other diners who are.

Posters tell you you were massively unreasonable

Op says no I wasn't it was the waiters fault and we let our toddler scream for 20 mins while we ate our food!

Really seriously

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 19/06/2017 18:55

For gods sake, woman! Take some fucking responsibility!

You were MASSIVELY unreasonable and subjected all the other customers and staff to your screaming kid. There were two of you - one of you should have gone outside as far away from people as possible.

Jesus, it's not rocket science. How selfish and entitled of you.

WateryTart · 19/06/2017 18:55

The noise was so bad that people were abandoning their meals, yet still you sat there. "Unreasonable" doesn't begin to cover that kind of selfishness.

grannytomine · 19/06/2017 18:56

GreenTulips, it was the 2 year old not the 4 year old. Strange that someone so perfect should make such a mistake.

becausebecausebecause · 19/06/2017 18:56

YABU to bore the pants off of two kids at an abbey in this heat alone. 20 minutes crying though?!!

planetclom · 19/06/2017 18:56

I actually can't believe this as who is that clueless that with every post trying to defend herself she actually makes it worse.
20 mins 😱
The child suffers from febrile convulsions and you genius parent take them out on the hottest day of the year, in a car without air con (they have invented windows btw) to an abbey 😫

Next time paddling pool, sun shade, picnic lunch.only a short work from a room in a cool part of the house which has the windows open, a fan and curtains drawn. And all the cold water you could want.

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 19/06/2017 18:56

She wasn't doing anything to cool him or if she was she hasn't said so. No talk of cool water on a cloth or iced water to drink

If the air con being broken was so important to the op, so her kids didn't over heat, why take them out in the car today?

They're preschool. They could have gone another day.

Madbengalmum · 19/06/2017 18:56

You are not the only people in the world, YABVVU. Why should everyone else have to deal with this.

EdmundCleverClogs · 19/06/2017 18:57

Glad all of you are such perfect parents.

No one's a perfect parent, but allowing your child to cause such a disturbance that others feel the need to leave, having others apologise on their behalf and not even doing anything about it - that is a cardinal sin of parenting. It's something that reflects on all parents- like myself and others have pointed out, it leads to situations where younger children are no longer allowed in certain cafes and such. Not many will have sympathy for a parent not doing enough to placate their obvious upset child.

BrutusMcDogface · 19/06/2017 18:57

Yabvu

OhMrBadger · 19/06/2017 18:57

GreenTulips it was the 2 year old that was crying.

OP I know the village you are talking about and it's not particularly child friendly at the best of times.

You made a mistake taking him out in the hot weather knowing the air con wasn't working. Like most other parents, I've been there and done that with regards to kids kicking off but I don't think I've ever outstayed our welcome quite like that!!

Lesson learnt.