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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
ShortThing94 · 19/06/2017 18:46

Why did you bother asking if you WBU if you're just going to argue the point and say you weren't? Hmm

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 19/06/2017 18:46

The child was crying. Every sympathy. He was too hot bored and grouchy.

Not for one second do I blame the child.

The two fluffy ineffectual parents who did fuck all about it ...

The stupid who decided to take a pair of toddlers to traipse round an abbey in the boiling heat and go all limp and pathetic when he cried ...

rainbowpie · 19/06/2017 18:47

Ok so now you know YWBVU!!

Why on earth did you take 2 small children out in this heat when your car air con is broken? Are you mad? You set yourself up for a massive failure and everyone suffered.

Atenco · 19/06/2017 18:47

Whao, I am usually the one saying people should be more accepting of children, but you really take the biscuit, OP. If your child cries, you should take them away from other people as much as possible.

Did it not occur to you to apply water to the poor thing?

MargeryFenworthy · 19/06/2017 18:47

You're completely unreasonable. I'd hate to hand over good money for a relaxing lunch with my family and have to put up with a racket like that. Appalling.

VerityHabitat · 19/06/2017 18:47

When did people become so intolerant of children?

When we started walking upright.

SummerTimeSoon · 19/06/2017 18:47

I'm with chanel19
Fgs some of you sound like you're taking this very personally. OP doesn't need to torture herself, it as one lunch in a cafe with a crying toddler she didn't take a dump on someone's plate. I would've taken my child out of the cafe (well I wouldn't have taken him in this heat) but if I was having lunch in a cafe and someone else's child was tantrumming I wouldn't give her evils and make comments, I would ignore it...if it's not my child it's not my problem and I'd just be glad I didn't have to deal with it and feel sorry for the poor parents who did.

waitforitfdear · 19/06/2017 18:47

i would have given you a look of sympathy

So would I as you carried your child out to pacify him in the shade and allowed the whole cafe to enjoy the peace.

But then I am a mum of 4 and not am arsehole

AmysTiara · 19/06/2017 18:47

I cant believe this is true, it does seem an odd thing to make up but surely no-one would let their baby scream for 20 minutes without one parent taking them off elsewhere. Yabvu Shock

phoenixtherabbit · 19/06/2017 18:48

Yes 20 minutes is a bit much, but if op genuinely didn't know what else to do..

LogicalPsycho · 19/06/2017 18:48

I'm struggling to fathom any parent being that neglectful and unaware of their surroundings.
Luckily for you, there's plenty of fresh air under a bridge.

harderandharder2breathe · 19/06/2017 18:48

you're worried your child would overheat so you took them out on a day trip with no air con and no shade. Hmm that's some messed up thinking there!

Stay home. Fans. Paddling pool. Cold drinks. Stripped to as little clothing as possible.

Frouby · 19/06/2017 18:48

It is tough. But toddlers won't enjoy a national trust property as much as a paddling pool at home and a supply.of.cold drinks and ice creams. We have so few really hot days that I insist we stay home for them so the dcs can really enjoy the garden and water play. Ds (3) has hardly left our paddling pool since Saturday morning. The heat really takes it out of them too. He has had a siesta the last 3 days and rarely naps these days.

AmysTiara · 19/06/2017 18:48

I've just realised he's 2 and not a baby. Even more unreasonable

Purplepotatoe · 19/06/2017 18:49

Today 18:17 OtAndBothered

But it was too hot for him outside, this is the whole point! And there was nowhere I could have cooled him down!

Not anybody else's problem! I'm not one for children seen and not heard, children do make noise, but if there was no where cooler and he was as noisy as you say you should have forgone your lunch and left the place completely. You sound quite self centred I'm afraid..

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 19/06/2017 18:49

I am a mum of many.

I had many a lunch tag teaming to push a tired youngster in a buggy.

This is your sencond child. This is the sort of rookie mistake a first timer might make but fuck me you've had a 2 year old before.

Engage your brain ffs.

BoomBoomsCousin · 19/06/2017 18:49

What were you intending doing with him after you'd finished lunch?

I would probably have taken him to the loos and put water on him to cool him down a bit so I could get him to drink. If that didn't work then outside to head wherever else I could. If he's going to scream it should be outside if possible. You can't just stay in a cafe with a screaming child when there are two adults.

MargeryFenworthy · 19/06/2017 18:49

And I certainly wouldn't have given you a look of sympathy. Anger, disgust, annoyance, disbelief perhaps.

SummerTimeSoon · 19/06/2017 18:49

God some of you are really rude!

sparechange · 19/06/2017 18:49

20 minutes?! Shock

Bullshit were you rushing to finish your lunch!
I could get through 3 courses in that time if I needed to get out of there quickly

paxillin · 19/06/2017 18:49

Wow, a toddler and a pre-schooler on the hottest day of the year? You could a) go to a paddling pool, b) go to a shady park or c) take them in a non-air conditioned car on a cultural trip, park far away and round it off with a tantrum in a hot tea room.

Take a spray bottle with iced water, towel him down, stay inside... there is time for such hot trips when they are 8 and 10.

nina2b · 19/06/2017 18:50

You were being unreasonable and very selfish. You spoiled the peace for other people and behaved as you were determined to sit tight.

JigglyTuff · 19/06/2017 18:50

What you do is leave. Or one of you leave, dash back to the car and drive it over to the tearoom.

What you don't do is just sit there while your child screams and screams and gets hotter and hotter

waitforitfdear · 19/06/2017 18:50

Not calling you an arsehole op just responding to the other post btw.

You just got it wrong so accept it and learn as we all do.

clumsyduck · 19/06/2017 18:51

It's simple you may be having a unrelaxing lunch but you could have prevented every one else from having to . You and dh could have taken it in turns

Iv done this before when ds was small except I was a single parent so I would have just left !