Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 ··· 28 29 30 ··· 34 35

Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" .

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:

Blissx · 21/06/2017 13:26

Or maybe just accept that you've basically hijacked the thread to admonish people for continuing to post; and stop posting yourself?

^This. A lot of hypocritical posting from both sides of the hijacked argument.

Mulledwine1 · 21/06/2017 13:32

is there any rule in the tea room said that no admission for children? or is there any sign in the room tells you to keep ur baby quiet

It should not be needed. It's common sense and courtesy. Nobody blames the baby in these situations but they do expect the parents to do something.

There's another thread going about noisy ball games. I'd rather listen to the thump thump thump of a ball than a screaming child.

And yes I have an older child now but he never did this sort of screaming in public, thank goodness. But if he had, I'd have taken him outside. And I would not have taken him anywhere on a really hot day, which was perhaps one reason why he didn't have meltdowns in public, because I didn't tend to put him into situations where he'd get distressed easily. Better to stay at home with toys, a shaded garden and a fan inside. Maybe a bit boring for parents, but better in the end.

StormTreader · 21/06/2017 13:42

Dizzy have I been harsh to the OP? I dont think I have been, in fact ive read back my posts and would go as far as to say "I havent been harsh", I stand by all of them.

I admit I dont have a lot of patience with people over-dramatising in order to try and push their point, I didnt even know there were so many Gulags that 53 could be sent to, they must be everywhere!

nina2b · 21/06/2017 14:38

Today 13:08 Floggingmolly

Or maybe just accept that you've basically hijacked the thread to admonish people for continuing to post; and stop posting yourself?

THIS^^^^^^^^^

Dizzy2009 · 21/06/2017 14:56

Maybe I did get that wrong, StormTreader, I wasn't really keeping up with who said which post. But there were a lot of rude posts. It's not as if you personally were inconvenienced, is it?

There's a gang mentality on mumsnet, where posters almost appear to be egging each other on to attack the poster, even when the op has long gone.

Anyway, time for me to pick my DDs up from school.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/06/2017 15:19

"Maybe I did get that wrong, StormTreader, I wasn't really keeping up with who said which post. But there were a lot of rude posts. It's not as if you personally were inconvenienced, is it?"

I think you misspelled 'I'm sorry if I offended you, StormTreader, @Dizzy2009.

Dizzy2009 · 21/06/2017 15:54

Where did I say, 'I'm sorry I offended you'? I'm not too worried about that.

One thing I don't do is misspell, so if you find one single place where I've pressed the wrong letter on my iPhone, or the predictive text has caught me out, that is just a little bit pedantic! It's a very rare occurrence.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 21/06/2017 15:58

You didn't misspell it. I was pointing out, obliquely, that you had wrongly accused StormTreader of being harsh, and failed to apologise when she pointed out your mistake, @Dizzy2009.

StormTreader · 21/06/2017 15:58

"Where did I say, 'I'm sorry I offended you'?"
Thats the point, you didnt. Even though you accused me personally of being harsh under the excuse of "well someone said it and you lot are all the same really, arent you?"

Youre certainly very hot on defending the feelings of SOME posters, just clearly not me.

Thank you SDTG.

loveslipstick · 21/06/2017 16:04

If that many people were pissed off with you surely that hows you how unreasonable you were

loveslipstick · 21/06/2017 16:07

The irony of if the waiter hadn't woke him with noisy plates after he has screeched for ages is lost on you isn't it

SmileEachDay · 21/06/2017 16:18

I do think the posters just love to rant YABU at the op!

Err..the name of this section is AIBU. It's kind of the whole point.

This virtuous OP defending hijack is hilarious

Dizzy2009 · 21/06/2017 16:21

Ok, point taken, of course it is. It just got rather extreme on this thread.

StormTreader, I didn't mean to offend you, and I am sorry. Truly.

Now I need to cook the tea for my family.

Lottielottie42 · 21/06/2017 16:27

Wow how selfish and as for you not exactly enjoying it, he's your child no one else's. Really pisses me off when I go for a rare meal out and selfish people let their children ruin it for everyone else. If my DD even starts creating I'm straight out with her, completely unfair to watch people leave and still act entitled.

Dizzy2009 · 21/06/2017 16:34

Yes, she got that very wrong.

Too bad the op hasn't been on here the last 3 days to repeat her statement accepting that she was in the wrong.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 21/06/2017 16:35

No, it's not a site for mums really, 53rdWay, I get the impression that most posters are either childless or their children grew up years ago and they're remembering the days when they were small through rose-tinted glasses. Both my DM and MIL are like this.

I'm a 30yo single mum with mobility problems and have young children. Youngest with ASD & the Mental age of a 3yo.

I also think the OP should have took the child out. Yes it was hotter but there has been shaded areas ans the kid was probably bored out of his brains. There were two parents there. One could have easily took him to calm down whilst the other ate etc. It's not just about the impact on the other customers it's about the impact it has on the child too. He clearly didn't want to be where he was at the time.

Dizzy2009 · 21/06/2017 16:42

I thoroughly agree that the op was in the wrong, I'd have been mortified at my child causing such annoyance.

My point was that there's sometimes a mob mentality with the AIBU threads and it can become rude and aggressive. It wasn't that I disagreed with the points that were made.

Also, the op agreed that she was wrong ages ago and left the thread.

MNHQ

KatherineMumsnet · 21/06/2017 17:31

We appreciate this is rather after the fact, but can we have some peace and love, please? If there's one thing we could all do with, it's some support.

speedywell · 21/06/2017 17:32

Wow, as Vic & Bob said "they wouldn't let it lie"

Funny (not) how Dizzy and others seem to be critising posters for continuing to post and comment, yet are doing exactly the same themelves.

A majority view is not bullying or ganging up, to say so trivialises real bullying. People using a public discussion board were invited to give their opinion on the situation and they have! It is a common scenario so lots of people have an interest in exressing an opinion.

The vast majority said "YABU/ YABVU", however, there are a few posters who appear to say that it was ok to let the child stay and scream, and this reignites the argument that it was a selfish act. People then argue with this becasue they feel strongly about the child-noise issue and so the debate is no longer about just the OP, but about other people too.

So Dizzy et al I think you are BVU to refuse to acknowledge that the debate has moved on beyond just the OP.

The trouble is, with the continued arguing, the thread goes back to the first page of AIBU, and so new people are very likely to come along, not read past the first page and say "WTF? YABU", or much more rarely "go right ahead and scream the pace down". And then Dizzy et al start complaining again about the Op being ganged up on.

So Dizzy et al if you really, genuinely want this posting "against" the OP to stop then, just leave the thread alone. Otherwise you are perpetuating the very thing you are complaining about.

Barbie222 · 21/06/2017 22:19

The length of the thread is an indication of the general strength of feeling on this subject - so it really is irrelevant whatever the OP makes of it beyond what she has already said, because the main point is that we all know a bit more now about just how upset we could be making other people if we take the easy way out in this situation.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 22/06/2017 08:42

34° forecast for tomorrow, folks! All owners of 2 year olds choose your venue wisely
Walk-in fridges perhaps? Just put hat and gloves on them and they'll be fine. Being soundproof is a bonus

"But she was clearly mortified at the reaction she got"
She wasn't, which partly explains why she's got such a thrashing. She said she wouldn't do it again but was still convinced she did nothing wrong.

Anybody want a bet at how long this will go on for??
All the way to 1000 and a part 2 started

I don't see all that many posters who are actually mums of young children
You don't have to be a parent of small children to consider how your/their actions impact others Dizzy. Oddly enough my parents taught me that when I was very young.

If that many people were pissed off with you surely that hows you how unreasonable you were
Especially considering that most people are nonconfrontational so wouldn't show or voice their annoyance. For every one person that stands up and says a behaviour is unreasonable, how many others suffer in silence.

Chloe84 · 22/06/2017 09:53

Funny how people are criticising posters for continuing to point out that OP admitted she was BU ages ago but are doing everything possible to keep the thread going.

StormTreader · 22/06/2017 09:56

...Says the person keeping the thread going :D

BigYellowJumper · 22/06/2017 10:00

You're keeping the thread going.

No, YOU'RE keeping the thread going.

No, you are.

StaplesCorner · 22/06/2017 10:17

You hang up first?

Flip

1 2 ··· 28 29 30 ··· 34 35