To have not removed DS from tea room?

[OtAndBothered]

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" .

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

I don't see all that many posters who are actually mums of young children

Oh wow. Listen to yourself, will you? How can you or anyone else actually KNOW who people are. What a ridiculous thing to say.

I agree it's an emotive subject.

Personally I am glad that so many posters disagree with the OP's original stance and that the OP herself has had the grace to admit she was wrong and needs to handle similar situations differently in future.

I am surprised, however, at the number of posters who seem to think she was acting reasonably on this occasion. In my experience people are generally fairly polite when it comes to kids making a racket in restaurants. They may inwardly sigh and roll their eyes, or complain about it among themselves, but that's usually as far as it goes.

The fact that, on this occasion, a couple walked out leaving their food untouched, a waiter was visibly annoyed, and another customer actually approached the OP to complain, would indicate that the noise levels and disturbance was pretty bad.

It is not on, in that situation, to sit there stubbornly eating your cake and refusing to leave despite pleas from your husband (who of course should have just picked up the child and walked out).

The fact that some posters think it is shows just how inconsiderate some parents can be.

The fact that, on this occasion, a couple walked out leaving their food untouched, a waiter was visibly annoyed, and another customer actually approached the OP to complain, would indicate that the noise levels and disturbance was pretty bad.

Or that there were some nippy people there that day.

Yabu for taking the kids out to a place like that in that heat.

Yanbu for the tea room. Children are children, they make noise, they cry, they have tantrums. Does this mean we should remove them every time from that environment? I don't think we should. People need to learn to be a little more tolerant. Someone at the beginning of the thread called you "entitled", I'd say the "entitled" ones were the couple who left and those who think they should enjoy their food in peace. They are the ones who think children should be seen and not heard!!

those who think they should enjoy their food in peace.
The entitled bastards

Hopefully they have lives and have got over this minor inconvenience by now.

I haven’t rtft so apologies if this has already been posted but
thinking a toddler's screams reverberating around a cafe for 20mins is
reasonable is mind boggling.
Why couldn’t you take him to the toilets and damp his limbs down
with cold water to cool him and then like someone up thread suggested take him outside for an ice cream.

It hadnt been said at all. Thats amazing.

Im baffled why people go into a thread with hundreds of replies and feel they need to post "Havent read the thread but..."

Do they really think that the entire thread is a repeating list of people saying "I have no ideas at all on this, I wish someone would post the obvious reply".

I am at the concept that wanting to eat one's meal without a toddler having a 20 minute screaming tantrum a couple of tables away is entitled, @strugglingstepdad!

I don't think anyone here is expecting children to be silent all the time, or to be kept away from all public spaces until they can be silent all the time - that would be utterly unreasonable - but it is equally unreasonable to expect other people to put up with 20 minutes of screaming, and be happy with it.

There is a middle ground, where we don't expect children to be silent, and accept that a certain amount of noise is unavoidable, with children, but where the parents or carers of children accept that there is a level beyond which that noise becomes unacceptable, and that it is their responsibility to try to keep the noise below that level, and, if it goes past it, to do something about it - which may mean leaving wherever you are.

It's also worth saying, I think, that the acceptable noise level varies according to where you are and what the occasion is. In a theatre, during a play, for example, the acceptable level of noise is pretty low - unless it is a children's performance or an accessible one, when it will be higher. And there are degrees, when it comes to places to eat - for example, I would expect the acceptable noise level to be really low in a very expensive, high end restaurant, lower in somewhere like Pizza Hut, and pretty low in McDonalds. Parents need to learn to judge how much noise is acceptable, and need to accept their responsibility to do their best to keep their children's noise within it.

No-one expects perfection - but a bit of consideration from both sides is not too much to ask. When I am out and about, and encounter a harassed parent with a tantrumming child, I think back to my days with toddler dses, and I do my best to be understanding. But I would not be happy if I were having my lunch in a nice tea shop, and had to listen to 20 minutes of tantrumming and screaming.

But it was too hot for him outside, this is the whole point! And there was nowhere I could have cooled him down!

Go home then.

Would you have gone and ranted at them though SDTG?

I doubt it.

OP was U.

DC who are upset and wailing should be taken out of cafes. Unfair on other paying customers and staff.

I'd say the "entitled" ones were the couple who left and those who think they should enjoy their food in peace. They are the ones who think children should be seen and not heard!!

People who want to eat their food out of earshot of a kid with earpiercing screams? Yeah how very entitled of them

There's a huge difference between a kid tantrumming and a kid who's parent just point blank refuses to remove them from a situation that the CHILD themselves is finding overwhelming.

I cant get my head round the 'nowhere else to take him /what am I supposed to do' attitude. I live on a main road and have paid for a dropped kerb and have a H Bar across my drive and this instantly reminded me of the stock answer of most people I challenge (when I can be arsed or need to get out) 'Well there's nowhere else to park' they say or 'What am I supposed to do i need to go in xy or z shop/house/whatever' Like I say to them how on earth is that my problem or in your case the other people in the cafe. It's putting the onus on the other person to find an alternative solution or you'll carry on pissing them off.

I cant get my head round the 'nowhere else to take him /what am I supposed to do' attitude.

I'm imagining this tea room as a the one fountain in Mordor. Can't visit that particular tourist attraction, it sounds one hell of an arduous trip and I am not Bear Grylls.

@ Paxillin haha yes quite and bit like my white line is the only place in town left to tie your horse .

............in fact lm beginning to wonder if a drugs ring is being run from it as it's so absolutely vital they must park exactly there it seems.

Perhaps your dropped kerb is invisible to all parking wardens so illegal parkers are safe there?

Not exactly a sensible trip out in the heat to do what you adults fancied doing rather than what would be best for your children. It's bound to lead to that kind of situation. Bizarre lack of common sense.

Bit like commenting on a thread days after OP said she was U and left..

Is this thread still running?

Why is it still going on?

What are you people thinking to keep posting on it?

Why?

It has surely reached the last gasps.