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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
JenziW · 20/06/2017 19:17

Wow only read the first 2 pages but can't believe the harsh reactions op has gotten!

In case you're still checking op I don't think you're entirely unreasonable. Toddler tantrums are very stressful, especially with hot flustered parents and evil glares in all directions by the sound of it! I can understand you and dh wanted to eat but if dh thought you were BU why on earth didn't he take the little one outside?

The questionable part for me is knowing your son was getting irritable and ratty and deciding to then go for lunch. Didn't it become apparent when you got inside that he wasn't going to settle? Also expecting your kiddies to be out in that heat all day and saying no air con in the car so you couldn't leave. What had you planned to do when the heat got too much for the kids?

Such a shame all these people are so judgemental and unsupportive. As a chronic migraine sufferer I struggle with noisy situations like that but would have still had empathy and a sympathetic look! Better luck next time. But don't let all these people put you off trying again.

Swanlake123 · 20/06/2017 19:37

This is hilarious! As if you'd even need to ask... for clarity though, YABU

Why should anyone be subjected to the sound of your child screaming for 20 minutes when they're paying customers! How rude of you

If your child is hot and bothered then you shouldn't have been so daft to take them out when it's 30 degrees outside. Stay home!

Unbelievable how entitled some parents are, and then you wonder why people moan about whining children in public places

ohlittlepea · 20/06/2017 19:58

Hmm, not a great situ for anyone. Tbh tho it's not just the ops fault, her husband could have take the 2 year old out for a walk. Its easy to make a mistake in this heat as it's not something were used to really. I would have taken turns swapping in and out tbh but if you're feeling anxious about your child being unwell it's hard to make the call. We've spent our time this week at swimming pools, beach n splash park or garden with paddling pool as I just think toddlers in the heat need water. I don't have air con in the car as our car is an old banger, buy I survived a childhood without it so I hope my daughter will too, I just give her cold drinks or snacks in the car n keep the windows open as much as possible. it must've been truly awful sitting there in that cafe with the looks n judgement so no need for more of it on this thread really.

Justdontgetitatall · 20/06/2017 20:34

Smile oh I do, I have a 2yr old darlin! It's called DISCIPLINE!!!!

TestTubeTeen · 20/06/2017 20:36
  1. It is AIBU, a board which always attracts and generates the worst behaviour and least considered discussion, and is a blot on the MN landscape, IMO
  2. Is now pages long. No one can be no bovvered TRTFT ... see above. Ad infinitum.
applesareredandgreen · 20/06/2017 20:39

Do u not have a parasol and clip on fan for the push chair to keep your child cool for the times that you NEED. to take him out in 30' heat? Were u not at all prepared for the well forecasted weather?

SmileEachDay · 20/06/2017 20:57

Smile oh I do, I have a 2yr old darlin! It's called DISCIPLINE!!!!

No, you really don't. But I'm not going to argue with your scientific study of one 2 year old, darlin.

SweatyFeet67 · 20/06/2017 21:11

I'm pissing myself at the suggestion parents plan to stay in during noisy tantruming years. My autistic children will never grow out of their public melt downs, yet they love going out and have as much right to access the community as anyone else, if not more as they need these experiences for education as school is so difficult for them to access. I'm often out with them both on my own so if one melts down I can't very well abandon the other and dragging a second child in melt down outside becomes unsafe.

Op don't beat yourself up, just take it in turns next time to walk the upset child around a bit.

nina2b · 20/06/2017 21:11

Justdontgetitatall

Smile oh I do, I have a 2yr old darlin! It's called DISCIPLINE!!!!

Teeheeeeeeeeeeeeee

Floggingmolly · 20/06/2017 21:15

34° forecast for tomorrow, folks! All owners of 2 year olds choose your venue wisely Wink

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/06/2017 21:16

There are more people on here now telling people off for 'bullying' than there are people telling the op she was bu. Stop posting and keeping the thread active and making it even longer and people will stop commenting having only read the op!

buckyou · 20/06/2017 21:43

It all sounds very badly planned. Does he always suffer with the heat so much? If he was ready for a nap would it not have been more sensible to get him down for one before you went to the tea room?

I have a stroppy 2 year old and no way would I sit there and let her scream for 20 mins while I scoffed my lunch! I would die of embarrassment more than anything else and the poor kid doesn't sound like he thought it was such a great refuge if he screamed for 20 mins!

I'd have packed up and gone home.

Dizzy2009 · 20/06/2017 21:48

We haven't heard from the op for ages, so why are you all still telling her she was unreasonable? She admitted she got it wrong, she won't be doing it again! Why are you still laying into her?

chanel19 · 20/06/2017 21:57

A-ha! 13 pages now!
I predicted 20 this time yesterday.
This thread. was like the best judgement bait on MN for ages

GrandDesespoir · 20/06/2017 22:56

But it was too hot for him outside, this is the whole point!

No, it isn't the whole point at all. Confused It's entirely missing the point.

(And no, I haven't read all 26 pages of this thread...)

user1471517900 · 20/06/2017 23:17

What did you have for lunch?

youngishmum93 · 21/06/2017 02:50

Personally don't think you were terribly unreasonable you were just trying to get them both fed and watered and think many above have been harsh. I don't think I'd have left either, would maybe have tried to find a quiet corner but hey not the end of the world for anyone involved!

SomeOtherFuckers · 21/06/2017 03:22

Go home ... I get it's really difficult but the level of disruption you caused to others and to the poor tearoom is unreasonable. I don't want to have to listen to screaming when at work .... v entitled

SomeOtherFuckers · 21/06/2017 03:23

Go to the bathroom or an air conditioned place or the car?

SomeOtherFuckers · 21/06/2017 03:26

'Made son jump clattering plates' ... So now you're judging the noise someone else makes whilst literally just doing their job?

BigYellowJumper · 21/06/2017 03:31

What was the name of that song from Frozen again?

silentpool · 21/06/2017 03:32

Call me cynical but surely this thread is tailor made for the Daily Mail?

Have read bits and pieces of this thread. OP, you were very unreasonable.

Part of the reason that children are not always welcome at restaurants/public spaces is that their parents allow them to behave badly. Most people can tune out a bit of noise but there are limits to tolerance. Your needs are not more important than those of others. They are also owed a pleasant experience but you seem convinced that they should just sit there, eating their lunch with a massive tantrum as a backdrop.

user1495025590 · 21/06/2017 06:39

You could see your family, were driving other customers away! How on earth could you think you were being reasonable?

Dizzy2009 · 21/06/2017 07:30

For goodness sake, the op isn't here anymore so give it a rest! Why are you still ranting at her? She also accepted that it was unreasonable about 20 pages ago lol.

user1495025590 · 21/06/2017 08:22

what do you mean 'give it a rest' it is the first time I have posted on this thread! Maybe you have nothing better to do than read 26 pages of comments but some of us have a life! Finally who made you head prefect to tell people whether they can post on a thread or not! Get over yourself!