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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
Spikeyball · 20/06/2017 15:44

So if an older child or adult can't help their noise, they are expected to leave?

StormTreader · 20/06/2017 15:46

Surely it ends when the child is old enough to have some control over their behaviour, understands what "no, we dont do that in public" means to a basic level, and has some grasp of table manners. Seems like a pretty easy question.

Spikeyball · 20/06/2017 15:47

And if they never develop that?

user1496484020 · 20/06/2017 15:48

I think you'll find an adult disturbing the peace would be asked to leave.

53rdWay · 20/06/2017 15:49

And does "I was BU" not cover that for you, User, or do you really need to hear every single word of a long drawn-out confession before you'd feel better?

I will let the kids enjoy being kids in future and not put them and others through the torture of being 'stately homes' parents.

I'm guessing you're new here so perhaps you don't knows, but the "stately homes" thread isn't actually about stately homes being bad. You're basically accusing the OP here of being a neglectful and abusive parent because she took the kids to a National Trust property.

StormTreader · 20/06/2017 15:49

So if an older child or adult can't help their noise, they are expected to leave?

Thats a totally different situation to the one this thread is about, maybe start a new thread for it?

Spikeyball · 20/06/2017 15:49

An adult breaking the law or choosing to be a nuisance yes.

BlackAppleCore · 20/06/2017 15:51

This thread is hilarious 😂 Starts off quite normal with an unreasonable mother asking for reassurance that she wasn't in fact - unreasonable. Everyone tells her she is unreasonable - eventually she says "ok fair enough, I was unreasonable" and then all hell breaks loose!

"We don't care if you agree that you were unreasonable, you're now in for the biggest fucking kicking of your life you selfish caaah!!!!"

"Death to the OP!!!"

"Call social services!!!"

"Release the hounds!!!"

"Is she dead yet??? Give her a kick in the head just to make sure!"

Then you get one or two normal people on who say "ok guys, think we've made our point now, perhaps she's had enough?" Which is then met with "Christ we have traitors among us!! Quick, line them up and shoot the fuckers immediately!!"

😂 Excellent 😁

user1496484020 · 20/06/2017 15:51

53rd. Did the kids enjoy their day out?

Spikeyball · 20/06/2017 15:57

I agree Stormtreader and really shouldn't be something that requires a discussion but it wasn't me that began (unless I've got it wrong) applying the same rules to young children as to older ones/adults.

53rdWay · 20/06/2017 16:00

53rd. Did the kids enjoy their day out?

How on earth should I know? We've only heard about 20 minutes of it. Admittedly with a tantrum, but 2-year-olds throw tantrums. Regularly. Have you ever met one?

Taking a toddler to a National Trust property is not the same thing as child abuse.

Lweji · 20/06/2017 16:03

BlackAppleCore

It must be the heat. I only seem to find threads with hilarious arguments today.

reawakeningambition · 20/06/2017 16:04

yanbu, I would have done exactly as you did. If there was nowhere cool to go, the children's safety comes first.

I would have played peekaboo with your toddler. I do that on planes in similar situations. Wish I'd been there.

I bask in the noise of babies crying, secure in the knowledge it isn't ultimately my problem!

sorry everyone is being so bizarrely nasty, it must be the heat x

sorbet · 20/06/2017 16:06

Nope, not just still kicking the OP, but also disagreeing with others who agreed with her and who have not changed their minds!

Threads can move on beyond the original post - this is a discussion board after all!! And selfishness needs challenging.

We've had loads of entitled parent experiences but one that always stands out is my DH sitting in the car in a car park and it getting smacked several times by a woman carrying a child in a car seat (and no, not in a tight space). She didn't acknowledge it or apologise or you know, STOP DOING IT! And when he asked her politely to mind the car she simply replied in a piping voice "I'M CARRYING MY CHILD!"

WTAF?!!! She actually thought that was a justification for her behaviour. Er, no. Don't bang someone else's car and if you do apologise!!

LesLavandes · 20/06/2017 16:24

You got a hammering on here OP and imo, you deserved it. Think of the other diners! Perhaps OAPs have saved up to come here for a treat and you ruined their lunch. I would hope you paid for the lunches of guests who walked out and gave a huge tip to staff. I expect you didn't. You are my nightmare in a restaurant (btw, I have 2 children). Imagine being in the same cabin as you on an aircraft...

As for the air con, grow up. Air con has not always been available😂. Survived with my first child without it 😮. Roll the windows down. Try to consider others in public places. It should be a mantra for parents.

Babybrain123 · 20/06/2017 16:25

I think people are being a little harsh with their comments on here.

Yes the situation could have maybe been handled better, and it probably would have been better to do shifts - one parent walking with the upset bubba and the other eating and then swap.
But these things happen and mums and dads can't be expected to just stay indoors because it's hot. I don't see why people are berating the poster because she took her kids to a national trust site on a sunny day!

BigYellowJumper · 20/06/2017 16:27

So wait, was the OP being unreasonable or not?

I didn't really get it yet.

LesLavandes · 20/06/2017 16:27

Babybrain, she ruined other people's lunches. That is why.

BigYellowJumper · 20/06/2017 16:31

I live in Korea. Some days people tell me it's a terribly illiberal country where women's rights are disrespected daily. Other days I think: well at least no one would yell at someone for like 500 posts about a crying child.

Here, people would shrug their shoulders and say 'yeah, kids cry sometimes.' It makes life, especially women's lives, 9000000 times easier and better.

BigYellowJumper · 20/06/2017 16:33

les

Oh jesus, not their lunches. Their precious lunches that they eat every day of their lives.

Mate, we've all been there. A lunch that could have been a bit more peaceful but wasn't.

Get over it. It's life. Kids cry.

Sirzy · 20/06/2017 16:37

Kids might cry nobody has disputed that. But that doesn't mean that the parents "allow" that with no consideration for others.

LesLavandes · 20/06/2017 16:38

Big Yellow Jumper. Err, why should she have ruined other people's lunches? Maybe this a cultural difference between but as you say, 500 pages of people mainly agreeing with me

BigYellowJumper · 20/06/2017 16:40

Why should it be a cultural difference? I'm British, as I assume you are. we are allowed to leave the country.

It's just not that big a fucking deal. The kid cried. It was noisy. So? No one died did they.

I say that as someone who tries to keep as quiet as possible in public. Sometimes people fuck up. That's the price of living in a free society.

rolopolovolo · 20/06/2017 16:42

I don't know why people keep jumping in to say "you're all evil bitches. She was fine... ohbythe way,whyareyoustilltalking aboutthis

presumably every time someone jumps in to insist the OP was right, someone else argues with them about it.

BigYellowJumper · 20/06/2017 16:44

No one is saying she was right. They're saying no one else needs to keep kicking her while she's down.

It's meant to be supportive here.

A quick 'maybe next time take him out' would suffice.

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