To have not removed DS from tea room?

[OtAndBothered]

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" .

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

I think there is a difference to having 20 YABUs and 500 WTFs, so there might be some use in the extra answers after she conceded she was BU.

I'm fairly sympathetic to the idea that in a public place people should expect people of all ages and expect children's noise etc. I have a toddler and I want to be able to eat out with him and get about on the weekend! BUT for other people's sake (and his own) I would never sit in a cafe while he cried and screamed for 20+ minutes. There is no way that's fair on him or the other people. But mainly him. If he was taken elsewhere and distracted he would most likely cheer up. If he was so overheated I would have taken him into the loo, filled a sink with cool water and stuck his feet on it and a wet paper towel on his neck. I would have taken him to a shady spot by a tree. And honestly if it was as hot as you say I would have said fuck it, grab the food to take away (presumably you were all eating cold foods on such a day!) and got back to the car and left. It's in no ones interest including the child's to continue a day out that's descended into that.

And I don't do days out when is too hot.

2 adults - do it in shifts. I only take my one out with 2 of us to "naice" places for this very reason.
If they're screaming they're bloody miserable so its not just the customers that need a change - it's the kid too!

I can't believe how harsh some posters are being. There was a crying child for 20 mins. It's hardly the end of the world.
I realise it's not armageddon, but 20 minutes of kiddie screams echoing and amplifying off the walls of a nice NT tea room may have been enough for many people to wish it was just so the noise would stop

Truffle yes however consider some of us have those "considerations" AND a toddler and are prone to letting themselbes get isolated so need to go out...

...now there's a conundrum.

And this thread is why I can't take a NT sweet tempered toddler out without an extra person sometimes. The judgement I imagine on mumsnet (not joking) has often triggered my anxiety and physically caused APS joint flare ups.

And u agree she was BU, I'm talking about the "piling in" mentality.

I think it would have been kind to have taken DS outside, but I wouldn't say you were selfish as others have on here. It's tough in the heat and with two kids, but with two adults it could have been a tag team approach. Don't worry too much about others in the restaurant. They are adults too, and chose to leave. I can imagine it would have been really stressful for you all. I've been told "it's not that sort of place" when I've asked a cafe once if they had a highchair I could use. Not sure what sort of place they meant! Think it's worth trying something different next time, but don't best yourself up about what's happened and any negative (or personal) comments on here.

The reason people still post is because theres a difference between

"I realise it was unpleasant for the other people, I guess Child isnt quite ready to be out on midday of such a hot day, Ill break out the paddling pool at home in future!"
and
"Urrrgh, well theres loads of other stuff you dont even KNOW about, and we were having LUNCH, but WHATEVER, I GUESS I was just being so UNREASONABLE."

I think you were being selfish, you could have one parent with the quiet child eating and one go out and sit in the shade, or find a way to amuse the cryer. Then switch.
I used to take mine out if they got loud. So did all my friends. If I didn't have another adult, I just got the food to go.
Subjecting the rest of the public trying have a nice lunch is very selfish.

I used to work in a cafe when I was a teen. I never had to contend with a crying toddler for 20 minutes straight but can say that on a day as hot as yesterday, inside an uncomfortably warm cafe (can't have been comfortable as you say DS was screaming), trying to run around doing my job and make sure ALL the customers were as happy as possible, then getting the blame for waking up your DS when I was a bit too noisy... I wouldn't have been best pleased that you didn't go outside. Sorry OP, YWBU.

We've all been there with a toddler who's grumpy, hot and bothered, overtired etc whatever the reason for tantrums but personally I couldn't have just sat there knowing it was upsetting other people.

I'd have packed the lunch up and left, yes it's hotter outside but at least if you'd have gone home you wouldn't have felt under so much pressure to keep him quiet.
It sounds like a stressful situation which could have been avoided.

If you were one of the other people trying to have a nice chilled out and relaxing lunch wouldn't you be annoyed too?

But you chose to have a child squizita!!

And yes sure we all know that children cry but there are many ways to deal with it. So many don't even acknowledge or apologise even. That would be your first step. Just brazening it out is not the way.

So there is no need to be anxious about it if you deal with the situation as best you can and taking other people's needs into account.

And you can CHOOSE to go to family friendly places where noise wont be minded - just like people choose to go to quiet places because that is the norm. What more can a person do who wants quiet??

So this thread goes on and on becasue there are still some who feel more entitled than anyone else and that having a child will trump everyone else's needs.

Disbaled PLUS a child = win :( :( :(

lindz "Don't worry about others - they can leave" (!!!) :( :( :(

You are both just proving the point about entitled parents.

Sorry, I would have left.
I always took my children out if they started screaming. No reason for everyone else to be disturbed by my kids

Fucking hell OP - surely you can't be that oblivious!
Of course you should have taken your child out of the tea room.

You're being hugely unreasonable. Yep - you made sure you all got your lunch, but no other poor bastard did.

You really need to go and cop yourself on.

But you chose to have a child squizita!!

1. No not everyone does. I 'chose' to have 5 pregnancies and 1 living child but I'm sure you will emphasise I deserve no sympathy for that either.

1. This isn't about one upmanship. But your reply smacks on Tiny Tim-ism, i.e. the "good cripple" who does everything "right". How DARE I want any consideration when I chose to do a normal-person-thing.

I AGREED SHE WAS UNREASONABLE.
I AGREED SHE WAS UNREASONABLE.
I AGREED SHE WAS UNREASONABLE.
i was pointing out your attitude and assumption about those of us with lifelong illness and disability. Not suggesting she was entitled to more as a parent.

But I am entitled not to live my life having panic attacks because of judgements from other people when I am being reasonable. ONCE AGAIN I SAID SHE WAS UNREASONABLE AND ALSO SAID I GO OUT WITH ANOTHER ADULT PATHETIC THOUGH THAT IS TO APPEASE PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
TO APPEASE PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
For God's sake please stop acting like I'm acting entitled over you because I 'chose' to have a child, I bend over backwards to avoid the screaming in a cafe scenario and have been 100% clear about that.

Picture the scene: It's the year 2024. OP's toddler is now a grown man. OP and family have long since moved on from the miserable lunch. And yet on Mumsnet, this thread is at 72,412 posts and still going: "I don't CARE if she said she was BU, she doesn't look sorry enough to me! OP, did you track down everyone you inconvenienced and promise to make them sandwiches for the next fourteen years? DID YOU? I bet you didn't, you entitled cow!"

Love that the fuckwits are still telling OP she was BU when she admitted it ages ago, is long gone and is probably enjoying a lovely day out with her DC.

How arrogant do you have to be to decide a threads over because you say it is

This cannot be the same thread I was reading last night? Or has the OP taken her son out to a tea room without air conditioning again today?

clearwaters no one is saying the thread is over. But people should at least acknowledge that OP has admitted she was BU in their posts, and tailor their response with that key fact in mind.

YABVU.

Dear god people are TYPING IN CAPITALS THAT YOU SHOULD SHOUT AT TODDLERS NOW!!

To be fair, the pp didn't say to shout at the toddler. She shouted at pps, rather.

Lindz24. Don't worry too much about others in the restaurant. They are adults too, and chose to leave.

So fuck everyone else whose day has been spoiled. Charming attitude.

Today 14:16 clearwaters

How arrogant do you have to be to decide a threads over because you say it is

Indeed. Some are playing at being a moderator for the day.

Again, nobody is saying the thread is over, just that it's a bit ridiculous to constantly tell the OP she's being unreasonable given she already agreed about three hundred posts ago.

Yanbu - if people are going to get upset by a child crying that is their problem, if somebody doesn't like they move. Your children come first

It's fair to say that nobody who chose that outing enjoyed their day. Did the OP? Nope. The DH? Nope. The kids? NO. The waiter? No. Everyone within a mile of this family? No.

Note to self OP. Children do not want to go to fucking NT properties. Please consider more child friendly outings for your kids in the future. Don't inflict this shite on them. I'm guessing we'll see them on the stately homes threads in future.

Also - you didn't order lunch, you ordered cakes and drinks. How it fucking took you 20 minutes to eat that whilst torturing other patrons I can't fathom.