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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
ElleDubloo · 19/06/2017 23:07

Oh OP, I haven't been in your situation (yet) but I feel like it's a mistake that I could easily have made. It was a sunny day, you wanted to have a nice day out, your DH probably had to take AL, etc. When you dream of going somewhere nice, you probably didn't plan for all the details and potential problems. Many of the posters on this thread have been incredibly rude. Some have come up with helpful tips which I hope you will remember (I know I will!) and best of luck for your next day trip out.

DisappearingFish · 19/06/2017 23:07

Blimey, such anger! OP made an error of judgement, which she has taken on board. We've all done it. No real harm done in the end. Live and learn etc.

Plunkette · 19/06/2017 23:08

Oh dear Ot sometimes it all just goes horribly wrong.

Chalk it up to experience and do differently next time.

From my experience of living in hot countries, a couple of tips:

Take the child's sock and shoes off and wash his feet in the sink of the loos. It really makes a difference.

As pp's have said damp cloth to back of neck, washing face and hands also helps.

Take frozen bottles of water with you in your back pack. They melt as the day goes on providing ice water.

Finally, in an emergency McDonald's usually has air conditioning. We have often stopped there for a drink and a cool down on the way back from a hot day trip.

KimchiLaLa · 19/06/2017 23:39

We didn't sit there eating at a leisurely pace, we were racing through our lunch so we could leave sooner but even then it was too hot for either of us to sit outside with him and if we had have done, the customers out there would have complained as the village was otherwise almost silent. It was a no win situation and if the waiter hadn't have made DS jump clattering plates he would have fallen asleep as he was starting to cool off

But you said he fell asleep, so clearly there was a bit of lull time at which you weren't rushing. YABU. It's scenes like this that make me think I'll definitely take my kids out. Was there not even an entrance to the cafe you could have taken him in to? You sound really entitled.

mustiwearabra · 19/06/2017 23:55

Can't believe the waiter made a noise clearing up plates. Selfish prick... Grin

arsenalwatford · 20/06/2017 00:00

OMG the waiter made a noise? FFS I cannot be believe the whole cafe didn't get on their knees and sing a soft lullaby whilst fanning your baby to sleep whilst you enjoyed your lunch.

Armi · 20/06/2017 00:14

I must thank you profusely, OP. Until I started reading this thread I was struggling and panicking a bit with wheezy hayfever but you've cheered me right up and I feel great now. Thanks!

Oh, and in case no-one has mentioned it - you were being most unreasonable.

MissEliza · 20/06/2017 00:18

Sorry but you WBVU. If you were alone with two dcs I'd sympathise. However as you had your dh one could have taken your poor ds outside. Surely you have a pushchair with an umbrella or something to provide shade? If not why go out?! Your ds must have been miserable. He's not used to this heat. TBH you sound like you were being stubborn at everyone else's expense.

MonkeyPieMama · 20/06/2017 01:30

My 4yo is Harry Potter mad! The amount of times I've had to sit through the first two films is insane. Even the 2yo loves watching too. They have the Harry Potter costumes, wands and are always doing spells on me. My 4yo could probably quote the philosopher's Stone verbatim tbh! (totally misses point of the thread!)

scottishdiem · 20/06/2017 01:42

So why take a child that doesnt like heat out when it is hot?

Justdontgetitatall · 20/06/2017 02:36

Parenting Lesson #1 (Day 1);

When your child reaches 18months-2yrs and is able to understand basic instruction, in the case of a tantrum that disturbs other paying customers - TAKE THEM OUTSIDE!!! GET DOWN ONTO THEIR LEVEL AND EXPLAIN TO THEM IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, FIRMLY BUT CALMLY & NOT AGGRESSIVELY, THAT THEY ARE BEING VERY NAUGHTY AND UPSETTING OTHER PEOPLE!!!! IF THEY CONTINUE THIS BEHAVIOUR, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!

How is this so hard for so many parents to grasp?!
Having a child does not suddenly remove all other paying customer's rights to enjoy the environment they're in & the goods they've paid to enjoy.

Justdontgetitatall · 20/06/2017 02:40

Sunnymorningwithbacon You are hilarious! Wink

mittenXL5 · 20/06/2017 02:52

When your child reaches 18months-2yrs and is able to understand basic instruction, in the case of a tantrum

Hahahahaha.

Also, the OP agreed she was being unreasonable hours and hours ago. Why continue to put the boot in?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 20/06/2017 03:03

Why continue to put the boot in?

Probably because people are still shocked she really was THAT unreasonable Grin

FreeNiki · 20/06/2017 03:07

TAKE THEM OUTSIDE!!! GET DOWN ONTO THEIR LEVEL AND EXPLAIN TO THEM IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, FIRMLY BUT CALMLY & NOT AGGRESSIVELY, THAT THEY ARE BEING VERY NAUGHTY AND UPSETTING OTHER PEOPLE!!!! IF THEY CONTINUE THIS BEHAVIOUR, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!

I doubt that works on a child younger than 3-3.5.

FreeNiki · 20/06/2017 03:14

I would have piled into a mcds or burger king. As a pp said usually aircon, handy for cold drinks and not so much of an issue with a toddler creating he would be able to walk around if he wanted to

Lweji · 20/06/2017 03:46

I doubt that works on a child younger than 3-3.5.

Particularly when they are already grumpy and tired.
Good luck.

BadLad · 20/06/2017 04:50

The queue of people still arriving to tell the OP off reminds me of this.

BigYellowJumper · 20/06/2017 04:58

I think people are being a bit unfair to the OP here.

Yes, she could have taken him out, and I have also been in the situation where someone else's crying baby was driving me nuts, but we live in a society. That means there will always be people doing something that bothers us a bit. I think it's one thing when people are eg blasting out loud music or whatever, that is something that is easily avoided and unnecessary. Small children do cry and sometimes the parents get flustered and don't know exactly how to react. Sometimes we make mistakes and take our kids out on hot days and then realise that wasn't the right thing to do.

I don't know. Imagine if your friend told you this story. You'd probably have a modicum of sympathy at least and say 'oh you poor thing, it sounds horrible', even if you are also thinking 'what on earth did you do that for?!'

It would be nice if we could support each other and at least say in a nice way 'next time, you should possibly do it like this' instead of just piling on her.

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 20/06/2017 05:53

It's like school.bullying with people queuing up to be bitch and show off like sad mean girls tbh

littlemissM92 · 20/06/2017 05:55

If the waiter hadn't made ds jump and woken him up

^^

Seriously!? Stay at home until you can control the tantrums

Areyoufree · 20/06/2017 06:04

Just read a couple of threads berating the poster for being concerned about their children in the hot weather. Everyone saying that it's not that hot, people just get on with it in hotter climates etc. Now, someone says they did take their children out in hot weather, and it is the crime of the century. You can't win.

OP - I think people are being too harsh. It's your child, and you made the judgement call. Yes, a toddler screaming for 20 minutes would have driven me crazy, but I also would have respected your decision to stay - no-one knows the background, and I get fed up with people who constantly judge and criticise other people's parenting.

derxa · 20/06/2017 06:09

The thread has made me feel really hot and sticky just reading it. Move to Scotland where you won't have this heat problem.

Reow · 20/06/2017 07:03

@BadLad I fucking love that film.

SmileEachDay · 20/06/2017 07:09

GET DOWN ONTO THEIR LEVEL AND EXPLAIN TO THEM IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, FIRMLY BUT CALMLY & NOT AGGRESSIVELY, THAT THEY ARE BEING VERY NAUGHTY AND UPSETTING OTHER PEOPLE!!!! IF THEY CONTINUE THIS BEHAVIOUR, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCE

I'm sorry, but if you believe that, you have zero idea about how toddler brains work.

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