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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
BabychamSocialist · 19/06/2017 21:34

You absolutely were being unreasonable.

Why couldn't you or your husband take him for a walk and sit somewhere in the shade? Why did you both have to be there for your other child to finish their meal?

I feel sorry for everyone around you tbh, as you seem very entitled!

Bluntness100 · 19/06/2017 21:39

Sorry op, taking such a small child to a place with so little shelter wasn't ok, you must have known what the weather forecast was. If he was too hot and bothered you should have left, not just sat there, your husband was right and your son sounds like he was deeply uncomfortable and distressed.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 19/06/2017 21:41

20 minutes! That was way to long to inflict on on strangers
Yes in my own home right now we are entering second hour of manic sleep training the likes of which I would cry if anyone witnessed.
It takes a big person to take a mumsnet bashing and come through being reasonable xx hug xx

RainyDayBear · 19/06/2017 21:45

I agree with the rest I'm afraid - you shouldn't really have chosen that outing on a day like today. If it was just you I could understand you staying put if you were the only adult and trying to wolf your lunch down (we've all been there) but since your DH was there you absolutely should have taken your DS out and eaten in shifts. I would have been hacked off trying to have a nice meal and a sit down to the sounds of a tantruming toddler in those circumstances.

FreeNiki · 19/06/2017 21:49

I want to see an exhibition in London. I am deliberately waiting until it cools down by at least 5 degrees. I cannot handle hot trains, tubes, buses when it is this hot and I am in my 30s.

As everyone else said what possessed you to visit a NT property in this heat with a 2 year old. Was it fun for you?

Cant you just stay at home with a paddling pool.

FreeNiki · 19/06/2017 21:49

And yes you should have taken him outside.

IloveBanff · 19/06/2017 21:51

OP only mentioned having cakes and drinks, so I don't see why they couldn't have eaten them quicker than 20 minutes if, as she said, they were hurrying. Are cakes and drinks "lunch"? Confused

SquatBetty · 19/06/2017 21:53

Goddammit I spelt Lacock wrong upthread! Apologies to the pedants (of which I am one)

buttercup54321 · 19/06/2017 21:53

You were being hugely unreasonable and very selfish. Hardly the best day out for toddlers either on a hot day. Ridiculous taking them there!!!

WhooooAmI24601 · 19/06/2017 21:59

OP You've been given a total pasting here, despite admitting you were BU. Live and learn and all that.

I have DCs and try my best not to inconvenience people with their shenanigans and noise but sometimes you can't win no matter what you do.

As an aside we also have National Trust membership and the DCs love it, but days like this are painful with young DC. The English Heritage passes are fab, too, with so many castles and fields to yomp about.

Justmuddlingalong · 19/06/2017 22:01

Was the choice of day out..
A. For the benefit of OP and her DH.
B. For the enjoyment of the 2 and 4 year old DC.
C. To post on Facebook .
Answers on a postcard please.

rolopolovolo · 19/06/2017 22:01

hahahahahahahaha

is all this repetition annoying to you, OP? Do you want us to stop...It's almost like you are feeling overwhelmed with endless repetitive annoyances...

I wonder what that feels like...

Squishedstrawberry4 · 19/06/2017 22:08

I would have hated this. Having been very considerate with my own kids and noise, a screaming baby would be a nightmare.

The answer is for one adult to accompany DS outside under a tree or in the shade of his parasol while the other adult eats

Chloe84 · 19/06/2017 22:09

OP acknowledged she was BU about 300 posts ago.

All the people still laying into her are seriously fucking dumb.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/06/2017 22:10

C

Justmuddlingalong · 19/06/2017 22:12

Congratulations on your new job at Mumsnet Towers Chloe84...

5OBalesofHay · 19/06/2017 22:16

squatbetty I think you mean 'of whom I am one' Grin

trufflecake · 19/06/2017 22:17

YAB TOTALLY U!

People often go to such places to get away from their neighbours noisy children!

I'm glad people said something. I'm sick of some entitled and inconsiderate parents who think they come first.

I'm sorry for your poor DS who was obviously suffering, but if you had been SEEN to be even just a little bit considerate, asking if there is another cool place, or taking him away from the tables, or you know APOLOGISING to the other people, you might actually have got a bit of sympathy.

But not acknowledging the noise and dispruption and carrying on regardless just looks selfish and pisses people off.

trufflecake · 19/06/2017 22:21

Just seen recent psots - glad you have accepted your mistake OP.

I think people can;t help but post because the situation is sadly so common and so annoying.

It is aimed at all the other parents who aren't sure how to be considerate!

LoveDeathPrizes · 19/06/2017 22:25

Why would you even want to stick around? I hate feeling stuck with my kid when she's kicking off. I'd far rather get out of there! Surely no one won in this situation?

Seenoevil · 19/06/2017 22:28

This reply has been deleted

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bertiesgal · 19/06/2017 22:38

We once got off a train with screaming DD.

Easier to wait for the next one tha torture innocent commuters who had no choice.

It's one of the rules of parenting an under 3-thiu will not eatery in public together but rather in shifts until your child is at least 3-it's written in goatskin somewhere I'm sure!

Yabu but you know that and you won't make that mistake again!

IDreamOfPuffins · 19/06/2017 22:54

Surely you could at least have taken him into the toilets or something? It would probably have been a bit cooler, and you could have put a door between him and the rest of the café.

It's unreasonable to let a child scream in a quiet cafe to the point where other diners are leaving.

TestTubeTeen · 19/06/2017 22:58

Sorry you had a fraught day, OP.

I think people were getting frustrated because you were interpreting 'take him out' as 'take him to the outside seating / eating area' but people actually meant out, right out, to a shady bus shelter or anywhere away from people eating,

StaplesCorner · 19/06/2017 23:04

Never mind that the OP was not particularly BU - I'm very excited cos someone said I was the Voice of Reason and of course, they're right Grin