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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
clearwaters · 19/06/2017 20:50

Doing something practical - like what? Confused

Aducknotallama · 19/06/2017 20:52

Honestly I think YABU. The screaming would have drive me mad and you were unreasonable to inflict it on others. Why on earth you thought it was a good idea to go there with two small children on such a hot day I have no idea

MrsELM21 · 19/06/2017 20:53

Gosh this thread is unbelievable, never have I had more reason to say YABU OP

Unfortunately one of the joys of parenthood is that ID falls to you to be the inconvenienced party and never innocent members of the public!

Kardashianlove · 19/06/2017 20:56

I feel literally mortified for you.

One couple left, the waiter was apologising for you, someone else told you the noise was deafening-you even said yourself the cries were magnified and echoing.
20 minutes???!!! That is horrendous.

I am so confused how you could have sat there, even if people weren't saying anything but when people were leaving and saying the noise was awful and the waiter was apologising. Didn't you feel embarrassed? Did you honestly think it was ok to sit there with him crying?

It's just so unbelievably selfish. I am really shocked that anyone would do this.

You said that you couldn't take him outside as it was even hotter but where were you going to go/where did you go when you had all finished your lunch? Couldn't you have just done that sooner (got cafe to pack up lunch if necessary or one of you gone ahead)?
Your DS would have had to go outside at some point so just do that when he started crying. I can't my head round your thought process at all!

beltup · 19/06/2017 20:58

It was a no win situation and if the waiter hadn't have made DS jump clattering plates he would have fallen asleep as he was starting to cool off

It's a coffee shop!!! You want them to collect plates in silence when your child has been screaming the place down?? HmmBiscuit

KittyVonCatsington · 19/06/2017 21:00

A positive from reading this thread is that I am glad the majority of Mumsnetters are pretty sensible and not selfish when it comes to tantrumming toddlers out and about!!

MudCity · 19/06/2017 21:02

Awful situation that you cultivated. Hot day, hot car and yet you thought a trip out was a good idea? This is exactly the sort of day that people with children and pets elect to stay at home and water play in the garden or try to keep cool indoors.

I am pleased people confronted you because it doesn't sound as though you would have reflected on the experience and learned something from it at all if it was left to you. I can't believe you stayed put.

Original poster
OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 21:02

Wow I said ages ago that I accept I was wrong! Looks like the sun has got to a lot of you too!

He wasn't screaming for 20 minutes straight, it was on and off with 5 minutes asleep in between!

We went to lacock because of the wooded areas, stream and park etc but by time all this happened everything had just gone to shit and all plans went out of the window.

After the lunch we were hoping he would have cooled off enough (as the tea room was cool and breezy being a stone conversion) and that would allow us to get him to the shaded areas with the stream which incident, we did end up doing.

Anyway I've already said I fucked up and should have done things differently but by the looks of it, most of you want to continue bitching about it anyway so crack on!

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/06/2017 21:02

Ywbu. One of you should have bought a drink, found a relatively shady/deserted spot in the shade outside and fanned toddler with their t-shirt until the older child had finished their food. It seems like you were putting your desire for lunch as a family ahead of other peoples desire not to have to listen to prolonged screaming while eating their lunch.

ceceliajames · 19/06/2017 21:02

Just to reiterate - YABU!

I cannot stand parents who think that life can just continue on after they've had kids and take them ridiculously unpractical places like this when it's "obviously very hot", then feel like they should be okay to inflict their childs constant crying on everyone else because they're eating lunch!

We went out for a Father's day lunch on Sunday, my DD was getting hot whilst waiting for food so rather than sit listening to it I took her for a walk around the quiet bit of the restaurant where no-one was sat. Other than that we've not even made it to the park, we've had a picnic outside in the garden and have been in the paddling pool every day for the last few days. Think next time, it's just not practical to take toddlers somewhere like that when it's 30 degrees!

LynetteScavo · 19/06/2017 21:02

The person you were most unreasonable to was your toddler...why did you take him out on such a hot day in a car with no air con?

Confused

But if I'd found myself in the same situation I would have poured old water on him and taken him outside in the shade either for a cuddle or in the push chair, which ever would calm him down quickest.

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 19/06/2017 21:03

Glad you reiterated there. Not sure the OP realises she was wrong

Floggingmolly · 19/06/2017 21:06

But of a back track, op. It wasn't a full 20 minutes screaming; it was a 5 minutes screaming/5 minutes sleeping repeat cycle.
For 20 minutes.
Yes, I'll just bet it was.

Sirzy · 19/06/2017 21:07

We have all had days out Which haven't gone to plan I am sure! Use this as a learning experience.

Confusedandgettingold · 19/06/2017 21:07

I hope this National Trust place bans you OP.

(Joking)

Seriously though, glad you reluctantly accept you were BU. It's a mean world out there.

SmileEachDay · 19/06/2017 21:09

No need to be snippy OP. Perhaps not everyone has trawled through all eleventy four pages.

Seriously- squirty water. It's an actual lifesaver.

PurpleDaisies · 19/06/2017 21:12

No need to be snippy OP. Perhaps not everyone has trawled through all eleventy four pages.

Have you read the stacks and stacks of posts continuing to slate the op after she'd admitted she was unreasonable and would do things differently next time? She's entitled to be a bit snippy.

Posting isn't compulsory, and if you can't be bothered to at least read the op's posts you're better to just skip to another thread than kick them after they've changed their stance.

JustCallMeKate · 19/06/2017 21:12

I'm actually surprised OP had to ask if it was acceptable or not as she already has a 4 year old.

SmileEachDay · 19/06/2017 21:14

Posting isn't compulsory, and if you can't be bothered to at least read the op's posts you're better to just skip to another thread than kick them after they've changed their stance.

a) I haven't done any kicking.
b) Reading the whole thread also isn't compulsory.
c) Who put you in charge?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/06/2017 21:17

You still have to trawl through 16 pages to check you've read all the ops posts. Cba sorry. And the ones I did read made no sense. You wouldn't take a child out in this weather in a hot car to a place with no shade (not even a pushchair sun shade?) if you were worried about them having heat related seizures.

Ruby2202 · 19/06/2017 21:18

OP- you've been given a hard time and people have been unreasonably nasty to you. It's not necessary to be so nasty.

But, my children are the same age and I ve been in a situation with stroppy children in a cafe/pub etc and it's no fun. I would have given you sympathetic looks to start with and thought, god I ve been there, but after that If I was you I really would have taken them out. It's not on to let him cry that long where it's disturbing other people. Even with two children the same age as yours I would have got annoyed listening to that for that length of time.

Other people didn't manage to finish there meal because of you and the waiter had to apologise on your behalf. That's pretty bad.

I understand it's hard when a child is hot and bothered but he obviously didn't like it in there. I would have taken him outside reguardless of how hot it was outside anyway as he wouldn't be distributing so many people. I would have taken him away to a shady spot where you are alone. Crying is much worse in a confined area. There were two of you so your other child could have stayed with dh and finished his lunch.

Even if the car was hot, it's not ideal
But if he's disturbing others you had no choice but to put him in and deal with it in the car. He's your ds and your responsibility.

I remember stupidly going to a NT tea room with ds when he was about 1. We didn't realise it was until we went in and it was deadly silent, full on old people obviously wanting to relax. We were the youngest there by about 40 years! We were so conscious of ds making any noise and distributing others we were probably too strict to the point where one person smiled and said relax he's absolutely fine. It was stressful when ds was being well behaved let alone screaming! I would never go in again until ds is much older.

cordelia16 · 19/06/2017 21:23

phoenix
I lived in a hot country for six years, with three young children. the diff is that your body acclimates to the hot weather, so you never get one atypical blazing hot day or week like here. plus parents generally avoid having children out except early morning or late afternoon/evening. and, there was air con everywhere. every shop, restaurant, bus, taxi, car, condo, etc. you went from your cool condo to the cool car/taxi into the cool shop/cafe. completely diff to this situation.

I'm not excusing what OP did... just pointing out that one hot day here is not the same as in a hot country.

OP, enough other ppl have given their advice. just heed it and move on for next time.

anchor9 · 19/06/2017 21:29

YABVU

if he's going to scream anyway he might as well not upset everybody else's lunch too. and yes that was a poor choice of activity on the hottest day of the year. me and my son had a quiet day at home in the shade with a late afternoon walk,

GoneDownhill · 19/06/2017 21:32

.

isadoradancing123 · 19/06/2017 21:33

You ars so very very unreasonable

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