Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 19/06/2017 20:08

FFS. YABU. So then no one enjoyed their lunch. Lovely. Do you pay for seats together on airplanes, or expect others to move for you Grin?

'LedaP, well I suppose it could be an example of an adult having an ounce of kindness and helping out parents. Obviously it is something that is very alien to most of the judgemental, perfect people on here. Alternatively it could be as I said above, I was empathizing with the OP about being out with a crying child and giving an example of a sympathetic adult helping out.'

And take the chance of getting chewed out by harridans like this OP? Or well, shit, I'd like to enjoy my lunch, too. We still cannot take DS to a great many places because he has autism and some settings still stress him out, he has a meltdown - it's no good for him or anyone else so we make alternatives. Hardly the end of the world.

Maybe there'd be more of this kindness everyone expects if there were some consideration going on as well.

CotswoldStrife · 19/06/2017 20:10

I am finding it hard to believe anyone would think this was reasonable. I think this whole thread was started so people could miss the car air-con reference and start on about that instead Grin

youarenotkiddingme · 19/06/2017 20:10

Of course you should have left. It's a NT place I'm sure there were shady trees you could have taken ds to sit under or shade created by a building. Stick him in pushchair - recline- give drink and walk around in shade.

JustCallMeKate · 19/06/2017 20:11

I've had numerous toddler incidents as I have 4 children. I have never sat in a tearoom/restaurant/cafe and subjected anyone else to their tantrums/screaming. They were removed very quickly of they started screaming.

IloveBanff · 19/06/2017 20:11

Your post makes no sense to me CotswoldStrife

ralphi · 19/06/2017 20:13

it is 36 degrees here (not in the uk at the minute) and no toddlers are overheating and having fits. As most of the others here are also on holiday it cant be that they are all used to it. YABU assuming that he was unable to deal with the heat and to refuse to go outside. What exactly do you think parents in hot countries do?

LookMoreCloselier · 19/06/2017 20:16

Sorry haven't RTFT, but I'd have gone straight to car and air con on -> home. And if possible taken the food out as a takeaway. I took my DCs to an event this weekend with family and friends that became baking hot, I just cut my losses and left with them.

BewareOfDragons · 19/06/2017 20:16

Wow.

OP has clearly lost the plot if she's still insisting her behaviour was reasonable today. Hottest day of the year so far, let's stuff the toddlers into the car which doesn't have air conditioning and take them for a walk in the heat then try to feed them in an unairconditioned restaurant, and then get offended when other people get offended at my screaming 2 year old. Who you let scream for 20 minutes!!

As for your DH, he was right. You were selfish. BUT SO WAS HE! He is a parent of those children, too, and he agreed to this plan and sat there, too, as his child screamed the place down! Lovely how he was happy to throw you under the bus but take no responsibility for it himself and insisting on taking the child out.

Cantusethatname · 19/06/2017 20:18

You know, I still get that that little glow of schadenfreude that it is not my child and I don't have to do anything about it

The happiness I get from this outweighs my irritation at a screaming kid.

RebornSlippy · 19/06/2017 20:18

Thought you were only having tea and cake, not lunch? Or was cake your lunch? Either way, if you were, as you say, trying to eat as quickly as possible, it would not have taken 20 minutes to shove an eclair down. Tell the truth, OP, you just decided to sit on over a cup of tea, to hell with the rest of the customers.

Anyway, it's fair to say this is a 99% YABU. Out of interest, when you get a response like this, do you come away thinking, actually, yes, I can see I was unreasonable now. Or do you just dig your heels in further, confident of your 'not-unreasonableness'?

I always wanted to know that.

LookMoreCloselier · 19/06/2017 20:18

Woops just read no air con - my bad!

LoudestRoar · 19/06/2017 20:20

Glad you accepted that you were BU, OK.
However, what was your DH playing at? If we were out, and DH thought we should leave for the benefit of others, and I didn't, he would just whisk ds away regardless. I'd probably be annoyed at him, but better that than a whole load of people annoyed at the both of you.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/06/2017 20:20

. I don't know why people are so shocked. Yes its irritation, but babies and toddlers cry.
Theirs must have been perfect.
. Im.sure most adults felt like screaming today in this horrible heat.
However what did possess you to take them out on a day like this. When you didn't need to.
The Café assistant was out of order though. Glaring at you.

ShelaghTurner · 19/06/2017 20:22

I knew the condescending poster would be trotted out Grin

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 19/06/2017 20:23

Can we stop with the perfect strawman?

There's a long long gap between perfect parenting and allowing a toddler to scream for 20 minutes while lecturing other customers that the kid should be able to finish his lunch.

Malfoyy · 19/06/2017 20:23

Why did you not go to the NT tea room at the property? I know it has one. Far more acceptable to be noisy in there than the village one - usually more hustle and bustle that soaks up the noise Sad

Foniks · 19/06/2017 20:27

Wtf did I just read. Are there really people like this? Confused I always thought people were overreacting because nobody really think this stuff is ok.

Maudlinmaud · 19/06/2017 20:29

Ooohh it's been a while since we had one of these threads. Op in the nicest way possible I have to agree that you where unreasonable today. Surely you see that now. People had to leave the tea room because of the noise and another person snapped at you. Why in under God would you post this on AIBU?

kissmethere · 19/06/2017 20:30

Yabu. Too hot and tired to add any more.

AmIthatbloodycold · 19/06/2017 20:30

Amazing. Truly amazing.

If I had been the waiter I would have asked you to leave

And I'm a parent. and a bit of an arsehole

innagazing · 19/06/2017 20:30

I think I would have gone to the toilets with the toddler and sponged him down with whatever was handy and dampened his tee shirt a bit to keep him cool. He may well have calmed down by then

SmileEachDay · 19/06/2017 20:31

I know the tea room. And Lacock.

There are lovely shady bits just inside the grounds. For the record, I haven't met a hot toddler yet who won't scream with joy if squirted with cool water.

Shady trees + water bottles = end of problem.

AnUtterIdiot · 19/06/2017 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brittbugs80 · 19/06/2017 20:42

Juicy strawberry aahh thank you but it's slightly selfish of me as I don't want to listen to a child crying but I know huffing and puffing isn't going to help anyone so I'd rather do something practical.

It's far too easy to knock people down, criticise and call people shit parents than it seems to be to actually offer to help and let them know that it's ok, we've call made a bad choice.

The country would be a wonderful place if everyone spread kindness as quick as they are to criticise and belittle others.

greenlavender · 19/06/2017 20:44

It must have been hideously loud to be fair that several people pointed it out to you. And you've asked if you're being unreasonable but won't listen to the overwhelming responses.