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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
RB68 · 19/06/2017 19:43

tired 2 yr olds have tantrums. Its not a parenting issue really they just do.

The thing is not to be overly ambitious, take a picnic and find a cool spot early in the day to go back to later for food and kids naps which to me sounds like what was needed. I always used to have a very damp cool flannel in my bag next to ice pack and use that for DD hands and face when hot and bothered.

Starlighter · 19/06/2017 19:44

YABU to expect your ds to be dragged around something like that on such a hot day and be happy about it (swimming, paddling pool in the garden, anythinbg a bit more kid-friendly maybe?!?!)

And YABU for not taking ds out of the tearoom. My ds (2yo) is having the most awful tantrums at the moment and my DH and I have to take it in turns to take him out in situations like that. It's not great but that's part of being a parent!!

bakingcupcakes · 19/06/2017 19:44

YABU. I'd be too ashamed to stay if DS was having a tantrum.

JuicyStrawberry · 19/06/2017 19:44

Brittbugs You are a really lovely person StarSmile I bet the parents were so grateful, and I hope it showed the other passengers a thing or two as well.

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 19/06/2017 19:46

Staples and Britt you are the voices of reason

kungfupannda · 19/06/2017 19:46

To be fair to the OP in relation to the whole trip out, even with three kids, I still sometimes have one of those great ideas that sounds wonderful inside my head, but turns into an absolute disaster when I try to actually make it happen.

There's a trip to a certain beach in France that I have done my best to forget...

Viviennemary · 19/06/2017 19:52

So you disturbed the meal of a number of people and yet still felt entitled to carry on regardless. You and your family should have been asked to leave and the money for your food refunded. Why should struggling tearooms and cafes lose business because of selfish people like you.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/06/2017 19:52

"hey DH. Weather forecast says it's going to be 30 degrees today. Shall we take the kids for a drive in our car with no AC?
I know we could stay at home and stick the paddling pool in the shady bit of the garden, but Where's the fun in that?"

Billben · 19/06/2017 19:53

You should have left. Selfish of you to put everybody through your child's screaming. You didn't want to take him outside because it was hot but then forced other people out in this heat because of his wailing. But then again, why would you even traips around such a place in a heat like this. Should have just turned the water sprinkler on at home and saved you all the hassle.

londonrach · 19/06/2017 19:54

Wow vvvvvvvvvvvv selfish take you ds who is suffering home or to somewhere cool. Yabvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvu.

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 19/06/2017 19:55

If people on this thread deny theyve ever had a loud toddler incident I won't believe them

TheFirstMrsDV · 19/06/2017 19:55

I bet that older woman feels awful.
She had her lunch spoiled, had to leave it and then got guilted by a parent who really should have thought a bit more about taking a toddler out in this heat.

Poor woman. If she is anything like my elderly mum she will brood on this for weeks.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 19/06/2017 19:56

Staples and Britt you are the voices of reason

Yes, dear. 98% of people are unreasonable and you three are the only normal ones. Of course!

JuicyStrawberry · 19/06/2017 19:56

kungfu Yep, same here! I took my oldest two children to the zoo when it was jam packed over Easter. Ds2 has asd and I thought ohh it will ok because he loves animals.

Massive screaming tantrum in the restaurant, everyone staring, had to take him outside to calm him down. Then frequent tantrums throughout the day.
Learning curve: If we go places like that when it's busy, be prepared for the tantrums. Or plan it for another time when it's less busy.

Either way there is no crystal ball to tell you how any family day out will go!

coconutpie · 19/06/2017 19:56

OP won't be back.

Regardless, YABVVVVVVVVVVVVU. I can't understand why you and your DH are so bloody stupid to bring a 2 and 4 yr old to an NT place on the hottest day of the year and then inflict a screaming toddler on everybody else.

PurpleDaisies · 19/06/2017 19:57

OP won't be back

Again, she already came back and said she'd got it wrong this time. Why does she need to come back?

Barbie222 · 19/06/2017 19:58

I think you need to re think how you entertain your kids, keep it simple, doing things they understand, can talk about, and which has relevance for them. save the bells and whistles for a few years until they can both enjoy it.

Yes. You are entertaining yourself not them and trying to make a stealth boast about your 4 yr old Wait till they can enjoy it and plan round them not you.

TheFirstMrsDV · 19/06/2017 19:59

finally I have five kids so have had more loud toddler moments than I want to think about.
But you have to weigh things up when they happen.
A toddler having a tantrum in the corner of soft play? Let them get on with it till they calm down.
A toddler screaming throughout lunch and neither parent being able to console them? Cut your losses and leave.

JuicyStrawberry · 19/06/2017 19:59

This is the type of situation where the iPhone/pad comes in handy. And then people still judge! Wink

MGFM · 19/06/2017 20:00

This was us yesterday. I didn't want to go out at all but a friend who only visits the uk twice a year was here and only available yesterday. We drove 2 hours to see her with a 2 yr old and 9 month old. At lunch the 2 year old starts having. An absolute melt down. He was hot, sweaty, hasn't slept well the night before. Husbands food had just arrived. I literally forced him into the pram (he usually was everywhere) and did several laps of the car park until he settled. He has never tantrumed like that before. When he calmed down, I took him back in, shoved a bar a chocolate in his hands and sat back down. He then had some chips and an ice cream and was back on form. I would never have just sat there with him and let him scream.

MGFM · 19/06/2017 20:00

*he usually walks everywhere

Cuppaoftea · 19/06/2017 20:03

I've had plenty of loud toddler incidents but would always have removed my four in that kind of situation long before it got to a 20 minute tantrum.

The thing that stood out for me in your Op was you insisting to your DH you stayed and ate your lunches while you watched other customers leave. I do think that was unbelievably selfish of you.

Janiston · 19/06/2017 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OwlinaTree · 19/06/2017 20:05

I knew the old 'UK hates children line' would be trotted out Grin

38cody · 19/06/2017 20:07

I don't think you were being unreasonable. If you'd have taken him outside he would of presumably screamed in front of different people anyway.

He would have screamed in front of people as he was walking past and they would have had only a fleeting exposure, not for 20 mins solid whilst trying to eat a paid for lunch in a tranquil setting - 20 mins is a really long time in these circumstances and op was totally selfish although she probably didn't realise it at the time as she was only focussed on her son, even her DH realised that it was unacceptable.