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AIBU?

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To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
grannytomine · 19/06/2017 19:31

LedaP, well I suppose it could be an example of an adult having an ounce of kindness and helping out parents. Obviously it is something that is very alien to most of the judgemental, perfect people on here. Alternatively it could be as I said above, I was empathizing with the OP about being out with a crying child and giving an example of a sympathetic adult helping out.

If you don't get it yet it is probably best to give up now, it is hot.

So glad to read Finally and Supermoon posts.

2014newme · 19/06/2017 19:32

4 year olds ae not interested in Harry Potter. If it's Lacock there's one big cauldron and that's it. The cauldron wasn't used in the filming.
Lacock does though have a river you can paddle in, shady woods, picnic spots and lots if different places to eat some with shaded gardens.
But it's not really a day out for pre schoolers on the hottest day of the year in a car with no aircon. I don't blame him for crying!

StaplesCorner · 19/06/2017 19:32

I don't think OP was unreasonable; maybe hugely over-optimistic but not unreasonable. I'm sure she won't be trying that again in a hurry. People here are shouting at her like fuckwits at a sack festival.

Oh Granny I've had many a happy encounter with waiting staff and toddlers/babies, from mainland Europe and other nice places. I'm with you. Oh and as a mum, if I see someone struggling, I tend to say something nice like don't worry we've all been there.

But for now, I've now got to face up to the fact that we have NEVER been able to afford a car with air conditioning. Will my kids be scarred for life? Oh the humanity!

fuzzyfozzy · 19/06/2017 19:32

I'd have been annoyed too. If it was me and I didn't want to take him outside. I'd have taken him to the toilets to naff about in the sink to cheer him up and cool him down.

bakedbeansandtuna · 19/06/2017 19:32

Forgive typos. On phone.

PersianCatLady · 19/06/2017 19:32

I haven't read the whole thread yet but you sound as if you didn't want to waste the food that you had paid for anything but yet you expected other people to put up with your child's noise or waste their food.

You are very selfish

errorofjudgement · 19/06/2017 19:33

Lacock Abbey
www.nationaltrust.org.uk/features/walk-in-harry-potters-footsteps
It's also got an orchard full of trees and shade, an ice cream van for cold drinks and ice lollies, and the car park is a 5 minute walk through a shady area from the village centre.
Theres even a brook to paddle in with overheated toddlers
www.nationaltrust.org.uk/lacock-abbey-fox-talbot-museum-and-village/features/a-historic-village-with-a-modern-community

CatherineMaitland · 19/06/2017 19:33

"Op I'm on your side, you have every right to stay in that cafe and take your kids to a national trust house."

You don't have the right to disturb everyone else though. I wouldn't have been that annoyed personally, I'd have opened a book and can shut out everything when I read. I do understand it's difficult, but at the same time it's pretty inconsiderate to expect everyone else to put up with 20 minutes of noisy crying. And not just on people who've chosen to be there but on the staff who are then put in a really difficult position.

You don't tend to see too much screaming/misbehaviour in European cafés because a) parents include their children in the family meals far more and b) if they misbehave someone usually takes them outside for a bit.

StaplesCorner · 19/06/2017 19:33

Hilarious post up thread "He's not a baby - he's 2" - entitled little git eh?

waitforitfdear · 19/06/2017 19:33

Guessing the op has gone to be honest

wonderingsoul · 19/06/2017 19:33

What about every one else who was hot and bothered and wanted to cool down and enjoy some lunch?

Was you expecting to stay in there till it got colder?

Im assuming you left the cafe at some point?
Why couldnt one of you took the child out till they calmed down?

Rossigigi · 19/06/2017 19:34

Op.....op...ooooppppppp......?
She ain't coming back!

MSLehrerin · 19/06/2017 19:34

OP must have gone back to the tearoom to apologise 😉

HunterHearstHelmsley · 19/06/2017 19:34

Sadly for the parents who actually parent their children, I suspect this tea room will be child free tomorrow.

phoenixtherabbit · 19/06/2017 19:35

Yeah And can you blame her? She's had the absolute shit ripped out of her. I wouldn't want to come back either!

PurpleDaisies · 19/06/2017 19:35

Op.....op...ooooppppppp......?
She ain't coming back!

She doesn't need to come back.

She's already said she got it wrong this time.

2014newme · 19/06/2017 19:35

To be honest they filmed in the cloisters of the abbey there isn't Harry Potter stuff to see.
I totally love Lacock it's amazing but not fir an overheated pre schooler

StandardNameHere · 19/06/2017 19:36

You were being selfish- forget your child who was obviously struggling in the heat and all the other customers, as long as you could finish your lunch!

GherkinSnatch · 19/06/2017 19:38

FWIW - we very rarely use the AC in our car, we prefer to have the windows opened instead. But the OP is the one who raised the AC as a point of relevance when she said she couldn't take the child to the car because there was no AC, and that she was worried about overheating them and causing a fit. That makes the AC relevant in this case, rather than it being a yard stick for decent parenting.

harderandharder2breathe · 19/06/2017 19:38

Don't believe for a second that the trip was the the benefit of the four year old.

Most four olds are too young for HP

even those that do like it are too young to get much out of going to a place that was used for filming

JuicyStrawberry · 19/06/2017 19:39

Parents are incredibly entitled these days
Totally awful behaviour

"These days"? Hmm Were they all delightful and thoughtful 30 years ago or something?

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 19/06/2017 19:41

FWIW - we very rarely use the AC in our car, we prefer to have the windows opened instead.

Did you know using AC instead of windows will save you fuel? /offtopic

Brittbugs80 · 19/06/2017 19:41

Hindsight. It's a wonderful thing.

Yep, you made a mistake. Chalk it down to experience and move on.

I always offer to help out if I see a crying toddler, it's often refused though. When we went on holiday two weeks ago, there was a screaming 2 year old on the plane. Everyone was huffing and puffing and complaining. Mom and Dad were close to tears, in the end I offered to take their child and walked up and down the plane and showed her the trollies where they keep the food. When she stopped after a few minutes she then sat on my lap for half hour before wanting her Mom. Mom was nearly in tears as she thought she was a rubbish parent not being able to calm her down. As I explained to her, sometimes children don't calm down for parents because they know how to push your buttons but a stranger stepping in can sometimes help. Not all the time but quite often it stops them enough for them to calm down

We've all had a shit time when our children have chosen to act up, it's nice to know that you're not alone, you won't be the first, you won't be the last.

And maybe some people could do with being a bit kinder and offering that help rather than creating bigger scenes than the child in question....

GherkinSnatch · 19/06/2017 19:42

@DailyMailReadersAreThick Yes Smile it's just our journeys tend to be quite short and because it doesn't get used that much it can have that weird 'unused aircon smell' which DH hates. Longer journeys and ones on motorways we'd use it.

clearwaters · 19/06/2017 19:42

Weren't you embarrassed op?

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