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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have not removed DS from tea room?

855 replies

OtAndBothered · 19/06/2017 18:14

Went for day out to national trust abbey today with DH, DS1 (4) and DS2 (2). It's obviously very hot and DS2 was becoming cranky so we came out of the abbey and headed for a little tea room in the village. Sat down with cakes and drinks and DS became more agitated with the heat and started crying. I tried to pacify him but he became more and more upset so DH and I took it in turns to comfort him whilst also trying to each our lunch. It didn't help that the tea room was an old stone building so the cries were magnified and echoing.

Anyway an old couple stood up and started to leave having evidently not touched their lunch. The waiter said to them "are you leaving already? Is there a problem with the food?" So the old woman said "no but we came in here to relax and it's hardly a relaxing atmosphere unfortunately". The waiter replied "I'm so sorry about the noise" and shot us the most evil glare.

DH became agitated and embarrassed saying we should just leave but the alternative was to take DS outside where it was even hotter where he would have cried and screamed even more! I told DH we should just stay and finish our lunch and try and get DS to drink. Anyway eventually he started drifting off to sleep but then a loud noise woke him up with a start and he began screaming. At this point a younger woman slammed her cup down and snapped "for gods sake!". Her husband looked embarrassed and told her to "just leave it" to which she replied "I can't, the racket is giving me a headache! So much for peace and quiet!"

She shot me a look so I said "I'm sorry, he's obviously hot and bothered, it's not exactly relaxing for us either but it's even hotter outside so I'm not sure what you expect me to do?". She seemed to soften up and replied "no, I'm sorry, it's just that people come in here to relax and the noise is deafening, everyone is leaving for that's reason! Can't you take him for a walk or something?" Shock.

Anyway I said "no sorry, as I said it's hotter outside and my other child is still finishing his lunch". With that DH overheard the waiter apologising to customers coming in about the noise. Afterwards DH said I was selfish and we should have just left but I'm not sure what anyone expected me to do! It was 32 degrees outside, he was crying because he was hot! Taking him back outside would have made him much worse and there were people "relaxing" out there too so surely we'd have ended up in more bother?!

OP posts:
wishingitwasfriday · 19/06/2017 19:05

If you were so worried about him having a fit then why take him out on one of the hottest days of the year and why drag him miles from the car? You were in the wrong, completely and utterly so. There is no need to take young children out in this heat. Stay home, picnic and paddling pool in the garden.

Shockers · 19/06/2017 19:05

This happened to me once, in Grasmere.

The Cafe was very understanding when I asked them to box up our food, to go. Then we sat under some trees and had a picnic.

stitchglitched · 19/06/2017 19:06

I have a 2 year old who has spent most of today in front of a fan, in her nappy, sucking ice poles. I can't imagine what possessed you to think going out in this heat in a car without air con, and leaving it miles away from your destination, was a good idea.

I'm pretty tolerant of kids noise but I would have found 20 minutes of toddler screaming pretty hard to handle as would my DC1 who has SN and for whom such a relentless noise would cause him physical pain. There were two adults with your kids. One of you could have taken him out whilst the other one stayed with your older child.

I sometimes see parents sitting there oblivious to their kids noise and behaviour even when they are clearly disturbing others and I wonder at their mindset. Thanks to you I now have an idea. Utterly selfish and making everyone else, including your kids, suffer for your stupid idea and bad planning.

RussianDolls · 19/06/2017 19:07

How do you know that the OP didn't do anything to calm her child down?
We all make mistakes as parents and let's hope all of you who are coming down hard on her never make a mistake.
Wow

Titterofwit · 19/06/2017 19:07

Good grief. I cant even contemplate walking round anywhere outside today never mind dragging round old buildings all day long.

Why did you inflict such a day on your children? It really wasnt necessary and then to top it off made sure that all of the people in the tea room had a miserable time too. Not to mention the harm done to the tea room reputation as a calm place to go.( Though to be fair the management could have done something to alleviate the problem - maybe offer free ice lollies or whatever)

All you had to do was take the little one outside and find a cooler spot under a tree or beside some water so at least he could have something to distract him. i doubt a country tea room has much to offer a 2 year old.

I would have been one of the looking daggers folk - and probably would have said something when it was obvious none of you were helping the poor child.

wrenika · 19/06/2017 19:07

You should have stepped out of the tearoom with him, rather than letting him disturb everyone else. I worked at a similar type of place and we would have asked you to take him out. It's simply not fair for everyone else who has to listen to it. People go out for a nice, relaxing lunch.

Grilledaubergines · 19/06/2017 19:08

OP YABU

I'm finding it funny though that people are latching on to the lack of working air con in the car, as if that should render a car journey on a hot day an impossibility.

Blimey01 · 19/06/2017 19:08

I haven't read whole thread yet and I agree with posters saying you should have taken DS out of cafe buts what's with the op bashing about taking kids out on a hot day??? What a load of rubbish!! What do you think people do in hot countries....stay inside all the time? It was less than 30 degrees around most of the country. Hardly unmanageable.

happypoobum · 19/06/2017 19:08

YABVU

Are you going to answer the questions about where you took DS after he finished screaming for 20 minutes? As you obviously could not possibly take him outside, I assume you disapparated or something?

As there were two adults, it would have been simple to resolve this, one dealing with screaming DS and one dealing with other child. You chose to make everyone around you suffer and were very entitled and selfish.

What possessed you to do an activity like that with two young children, especially on a day like today? You sound utterly stupid.

yaela123 · 19/06/2017 19:08

Why couldn't you have walked around with him?

He might not have calmed down (he might of - you never know) but at least you wouldn't have been bothering others

LTBiscuit · 19/06/2017 19:08

I'd have been sympathetic to you as I know how tough it can be with little ones on hot days. However, if it had been one of mine, we'd have taken it in turns to take him outside to find a shady spot as I'd hate to ruin other people's lunch x

eddielizzard · 19/06/2017 19:08

i agree with missymayhemsmum and think you were both in the wrong. your dh slightly less so because he knew he should be doing something, but still did nothing.

now you know. don't take your kids out to places where they're likely to overheat and there's no respite. a walk in the woods is a better idea.

phoenixtherabbit · 19/06/2017 19:08

Why would you "inflict" A day like that on your children... really?

AceholeRimmer · 19/06/2017 19:08

I can see your dilemma OP but you just shouldn't go to places like that on hot days with kids.. Stay in front of a fan or sit in the garden with the paddling pool. But then I avoid going to places when they're busy like the plague! Cafes are for relaxing and chatting, not crying children. Anyway it's done now. Use it as a lesson for next time!

JigglyTuff · 19/06/2017 19:09

There's a big difference between a child who's woken up halfway through a meal and one who is on the verge of a tantrum from the outset. It's hardly going to improve things is it?

LedaP · 19/06/2017 19:10

granny you are right. Apologies for that. I missed it.

Serialweightwatcher · 19/06/2017 19:10

YABU - I would be so embarrassed to sit it out if my child was causing such a performance for whatever reason, somewhere where people are trying to eat and relax. Far too hot to take young children out to mooch about in any case but basically blaming the waiter for making noise made me chuckle - really????

paxillin · 19/06/2017 19:11

I really did not know that if it's over 25 degrees all children must stay at home in paddling pools and not go to any public places. What do they do in countries that are hot all the time?!

They do not schlep them through the heat all day to boring grown up attractions with a car with broken air con to then go and relax in a hot tea room and without taking precautions like washing them down, that's for sure.

Dailystuck71 · 19/06/2017 19:11

Are you coming back OP?

SquatBetty · 19/06/2017 19:11

Out of interest OP, was it Laycock Abbey you were at? If so there's a small shady kids play area across the road from the entrance to the abbey for future reference.

wishingitwasfriday · 19/06/2017 19:11

We live in a country where we hardly ever have temps in the 30s. So yes, I do think the op is silly taking a child, who lost likely has never been in heat like it, out for the day. Why not do something in the early morning or evening when the temp is cooling down.
It's not the same as being abroad as most places have aircon and the famous 'siesta'.

shrunkenhead · 19/06/2017 19:11

YABVA.

ShelaghTurner · 19/06/2017 19:11

I wouldn't have taken him out in this, I detest the heat too. But I would have shot you a few sympathetic looks and felt sorry for the lot of you. I certainly wouldn't have marched out, complained or sat there playing the martyr. I totally agree with waterrat, this is a very unchildfriendly country. Poor people couldn't enjoy their tea and scones in peace. Diddums. Public space during the day, you takes your chances. And it's the kids that get called snowflakes....

viques · 19/06/2017 19:12

Are four year olds really that interested in Harry Potter,especially in a heat wave? Four year old I know would rather go for a walk in a shady wood, look for squirrels, and wave a stick around. Or stay at home , strip off and splash in a paddling pool with their little sibling, or even sit under an umbrella with a washing up bowl of water and a plastic tea set or a heap of dinosaurs who need washing.

I think you need to re think how you entertain your kids, keep it simple, doing things they understand, can talk about, and which has relevance for them. save the bells and whistles for a few years until they can both enjoy it.

waitforitfdear · 19/06/2017 19:13

Er my dd does waitressing and no way would she want to or should be expected to pacify a tantrumming toddler. That's not her job.

The job is the parents to do. Thry didn't and now bitch about being called out on their selfishness.

I couldn't give a fuck what's culturally acceptable in Spain or Italy to be honest! How entitled to think waiters and waitressss should deal with your kids.