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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I threatened him.

196 replies

PurplePancake · 17/06/2017 16:31

NC.
Was walking home today and I saw the boy who has been physically bullying my 15 yo ds. I caught up with him and told him that if He ever lays another finger on my son I will kill him. He was on his own and not so tough without his wee pals around him. I'm still shaking. I honestly wanted to smash his ugly smug face in with something

OP posts:
zeeboo · 17/06/2017 16:59

You could end up in serious trouble with the law. You can't fight fire with fire and you as an adult need to model to your son, and this boy, that people should not shout at, threaten or bully one another. It would have had far more impact if you'd stopped him and said "since you've been bullying my child XYZ has happened" especially as you yourself agree that he was totally different without his friends around so may have genuinely taken it on board and altered his behaviour. Now he is probably furious with you and with your son even more keen to exert power over him to make up for the way you dominated him.

Papafran · 17/06/2017 16:59

There are some seriously evil 15 year olds, which I remember from my time at school. You read about these poor teens who take their own lives due to the horrific abuse they are subjected to by their peers. People are scarred for life by being bullied at school. Schools are often very inefficient in dealing with this. I entirely agree that the OP was justified and I hope that little shit has now been scared into submission.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 17/06/2017 17:00

Wow some of you really are spiteful to the OP. OP did not assault the bully. Some of you are hysterical.

Mumoftu · 17/06/2017 17:01

If he has physically harmed your son then contact the police.

WellThatSucks · 17/06/2017 17:01

So sorry your son has been bullied OP. No judgment on what you did, I can't find it in me to blame you for giving a bully a taste of his own medicine. Sometimes it's the only thing they understand. I hope you don't get into any trouble over it and I hope your son is ok.

Papafran · 17/06/2017 17:01

You could end up in serious trouble with the law

To be honest, if I was the OP and he reported it, I would deny saying it if there were no witnesses around. I would also file a counter-allegation about his bullying.

19lottie82 · 17/06/2017 17:01

Good on you OP!

CoolCarrie · 17/06/2017 17:03

YANBU.

Maudlinmaud · 17/06/2017 17:04

My dh is hot headed and would talk about speaking to the parents of bullies. By speaking I mean confronting them in an aggressive fashion. Thankfully it's never come to that. Op please be careful you could end up with a visit from the police.
Sorry you and your family are going through this.

CoolCarrie · 17/06/2017 17:07

I hope you put the wind up the little shit, and I very much doubt he will tell his parents, that would mean having to own up to being a bully. It's all very well posters saying it's not on to have a word with him, but I've just read about a young girl who killed herself after being bullied for years and the two vile girls who did the bullying only got fined! Our first job as parents is to protect our children in the best way we can, good for you!

kali110 · 17/06/2017 17:08

Only sympathy i have is for ops child.
He's bullied her child. I have no sympathy.
You maybe in the wrong op but can't say i blame you!
I hope there is no come back on you.
I hope your son is doing ok Flowers

Longdistance · 17/06/2017 17:11

Good on you op Flowers

I can't stand bullies, as I was bullied myself. Hope you have a 🍷 to calm down now.

LexieSinclair · 17/06/2017 17:13

Good for you OP! I hope it's had the required effect.

SaucyJack · 17/06/2017 17:13

I have no sympathy for the horrid little scrote...... but you can't go around threatening to murder children.

It's just not naice.

LittlePrawn1 · 17/06/2017 17:15

Good on you

TheNewSchmoo · 17/06/2017 17:16

He may have been quiet on his own, but the likelihood is when he's back with his mates, your son will get more grief for "sending his Mummy" along. You should have shown restraint, difficult though it is.

queenofthebucket · 17/06/2017 17:19

I empathise OP. You were probably at the end of your tether and reacted on the spur of the moment. Sometimes we do uncharacteristic things when we feel nobody is taking any effective measures to put a stop to bullying.

I had a similar situation. But the kids were much younger. I felt that school and the parents were altogether too gentle in their approach, emphasising how to be kind to each other etc. and my ds was more and more unhappy, to the point he did not want to go to school. One day at pick up I witnessed an incident and confronted the child. I got down to his level, he was backed against a wall and yes, I entered his personal space. I told him forcefully and explicitly that it was wrong to tease and intimidate other children deliberately. I used my most cross voice which is pretty cross but I was not inappropriate for an 8 year old. I basically gave him a good telling off, and I felt better for it.

OP Yanbu

twelly · 17/06/2017 17:21

My guess is that he will stop now. Ideally the issue should have been dealt with by the school but clearly there are times when the opportunity arises to confront directly. Had he been 16 would the posters have said it was ok to challenge or is it 18 or 21 ? - my point is the 15 year old will have know what khew as coin was wrong.

PerspicaciaTick · 17/06/2017 17:22

If anyone challenges the OP about this alleged confrontation, I would suggest that she simply says that the boy is clearly extending his bullying campaign against her DS to include making callous accusations about members of the wider family.

JacquesHammer · 17/06/2017 17:24

I feel desperately sorry for your son OP, but you really didn't handle this well at all.

It is very likely your son will get more grief for sending mummy along to shout.

You would have done better to actually speak to him in a reasonable manner.

Have you escalated the bullying with the school or the authorities?

ginswinger · 17/06/2017 17:26

Not subtle but sometimes people need a taste of their own medicine. I hope you've solved the problem and don't actually have to kill the kid. Chinese burn though maybe?

GreenRut · 17/06/2017 17:26

Probably not helpful but I was bullied by a gang of girls at school, it got quite nasty. It only stopped when I turned the tables on the ring leader, waited for her behind a tree and then followed HER all the way home, informing her very calmly that she would very much regret fucking with me. She never bothered me again.

Creampastry · 17/06/2017 17:29

I get where you're coming from and don't blame you. Of course if the police turn up deny it!!

NachoAddict · 17/06/2017 17:29

It probably wasn't the most sensible move but I would feel exactly the same and hopefully he will leave your son alone now.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 17/06/2017 17:35

Yep, if he is stupid enough to call the police. Deny deny deny. Who are they going to believe?

Don't blame you at all. Bullies are vile specimens and deserve everything they get.

I got my head caved in 20+ years ago by a bully. Would have been about 9 at the time. My dad went round and threatened the little scrote. Police turned up to find me covered in blood so thankfully nothing happened with my dad. It stopped after that. A few things have happened in his life now; I like to think it's karma.