Not to buy this house

[Lanaa]

DP and I are searching for a new home. We plan to stay in the new house a while, have children etc. We live in a big city and are searching in the suburbs. I'm black, DP is white.

We had a viewing yesterday, we arrived in separate cars. DP got there before me. When I arrived he was talking to one of the neighbours. This neighbour has a flagpole in his front garden and a giant England flag/St George's cross flying from it. When I got out of my car he just stared at me with a furious look on his face. I smiled at him, said hello to DP and the bloke turned around walked off and slammed his door.

I don't know if I'm overreacting, jumping to conclusions etc but why else would he act like that other than being a racist? I get that people are patriotic but who has a flag in their front garden? There are no big sporting events on at the moment. DP likes the house and thinks we should go for it. It's under our budget, well decorated and spacious. If I hadn't had that experience I'd go for it, but I'm uneasy. I don't want to live next to the local branch of the EDL! AIBU?

Sounds like a good decision, OP 💐 I agree re letting the Estate Agent know - hope the right house comes up soon.

YANBU. People who fly St George's flags in their gardens are all racists, even the ones who are adamant that they're not. I wouldn't even live in the same street, far less next door.

He was happily talking to your DP, then saw you and stormed off? What was he talking to your DP about, what impression did your DP get? Why is the house so within budget? Did you ask about neighbours when you visited? I'd go back for another viewing. You could also visit this guy and say you're thinking about buying the house and see whether you'd want to live next to them!

God no. I mean, if it was just the flag and a mild vibe you got off him that might be bearable if the house was really worth the annoyance, but giving you furious looks for existing and storming off when you approach...he's not 'just' a bog standard racist dickhead, he's a very extreme racist dickhead. He'd make your life a living hell. Glad you decided not to go for it!

It would be a shame for you not to buy a house you love because of concerns about the neighbour, but I strongly believe instincts are often right and you must do what feels right for you. The neighbour is a rude twat whether or not he has racist tendencies, and rude neighbours are hard to live near. Even more of a shame is that racism still exists and it's horrible that you've been made to feel bad and having to question issues around race at a time when you should be looking at kitchens, gardens for future children etc - those happy house-buying things - moving home is stressful enough.

You say the house was under your budget - is it priced lower than you might expect for that particular property in that area? If so, I'd be inclined to do a bit more research - check social media, local papers, talk to other neighbours etc - maybe the price has something to do with bad neighbours - worth looking in to anyway as it may either reassure you or confirm your suspicions, but you'd know more to help make your decision.

I hope you and your partner find the home that is right for you and have many happy years with the family you want - good luck (and please try to ignore the wankers - not worth your time).

Unfortunately you are the one having to accommodate this man's prejudice. I too would not move next door to anyone with a flag in their front garden ( perhaps if world cup or something was going on). It is the action of a white supremist. If you are keen on the house and if you or DP are British you could also stick an England flag in the front garden. That would flumox the prat.

If he wasn't very friendly then you are right not to bother, but the flag alone isn't racist, you are black but you can still be proud of the English flag? It's not mutually exclusive

Blimey, had no idea that having a flagpole in your garden isn't allowed? What nonsense to claim that they must be racist because of a flag!!! (I am gobsmacked!) You have no idea why neighbour pulled a face though! ( so to assume it was about you is a bit of an over reaction I would say.

A couple of years ago there was a house a few doors away for sale. My husband was out cutting the grass when a car with Millwall plates pulled over and a bloke with a skinhead haircut and tattooes wound down the window. Him: "Hey mate, was just looking at the house down the road and wondering what the neighbourhood's like." Husband: "Oh it's great, some really nice people. There's Mohammed across the road, great bloke. There's Abdul and his family next door, they're really nice, and Samir and his wife on the corner, lovely folk." And off he drove rather quickly. I was so proud :).

Horrible experience OP...sorry you felt humiliated by a very rude individual.Do not buy there.
If he has had a bad experience before and had to 'white flight' you will become the textbook steriotype in the hood!
Especially what with the Afrobeats and Reggae (LOL)

Thanks for the replies.

No of course I don't think that flying the flag is racist. That would be ridiculous. What I do think is that people who have flagpoles and fly flags in their gardens tend to be racists. Obviously when I put the flag together with how he reacted when he saw my (pretty lovely) black face. I'm inclined to call racism. Especially when my blond haired, blue eyed white DP said he was really friendly towards him... is that clearer for you?

The house is a bargain - I did an audible gasp when I saw the price. Think getting a mansion in Chelsea for £100k! Anyway we're not going to waste anymore time even thinking about it. I've seen another beauty a bit further out in the countryside but (with no neighbours for 1/4 mile) that we're off to look at next week. Fingers crossed. Thanks for the supportive replies - it means a lot.

@isadoradancing123 of course I can be proud of the English flag. Show me where I said I wasn't? I'm not about to fly one in my garden but I've got an England shirt in my cupboard that I've even been known to don when there's a big sporting event.

@callmeadoctor Are you always that disingenuous or are you deliberately trying to minimise my experience?

@RarelyInfallible Your DP sounds like a gem!

I have never quite got over our (ex thank god) neighbour coming round just after we moved in nearly 20 years ago and saying ' we're so pleased you moved in, another family came to look and they were black - I'm not racist but they have loads of children don't they and I think we would have had to move'. I never felt too keen on them after that wierdly.....

being black means that you live with constant micro aggressions

^^ as you pointed out, everyday life is hard enough. Your home is the last place that you should have to deal with the nonsense. Your home is your sanctuary.

Don't buy this house.

Good luck with your search

The nearest flag to me is at a golf club. I know far more about flagpoles than I want to due to some work. Most of my client's customers are businesses actually, not homes.

Unless you own a real castle I think having a flag pole is a bit much and can look awful.

Most of us probably all remember this
www.express.co.uk/news/politics/537925/Emily-Thornberry-MP-Rochester-England-Flag

Str, I hate that too. I just cannot believe it when people say that to me around here. I never accept the comment. I always make sure I make it clear it is irrelevant to me (as it is) what colour anyone is.

OP you made the right decision; its not worth the stress.

Suburbia can be a scary place, I am in a mixed relationship and over the years have experienced many examples of overt and subtle racism; the worst being my then 4 year old DS having abuse thrown at him in the Park.

But I am sure your new choice will be great; and wish you all the best

Flying a flag is not necessarily racist, being rude to you isn't necessarily racist, but... he was nice to your DP before you turned up. So he wasn't just having a generally moody day, he was only rude to you. All things considered, he probably does have an issue with you. Given the flag, I think it's more likely to be because of your skin colour rather than your gender and this is not an environment to deliberately bring kids to.

I would trust your gut instincts here and look elsewhere. You can't control your neighbours, people move all the time, but honestly? I wouldn't buy a bargain in the hopes of King Racist Twat moving. Life's too short for that much aggro.

I feel really sorry for your seller though!

Since it's such a bargain I would try to do a little more research. Maybe the guy has a terminal disease, is about to retire to Spain, or was only visiting his son who really can't stand him. Tell the agent what happened and ask if they can find out any more.

Tell the agent you'd take it in a heartbeat if no t for this guy next door.

Back in 1977 we were all festooned with union flags, and it didn't mean we were racists - sad times.

The flag isnt a sign of racism but then neighbour's behaviour towards the op is about as obviously racist as you can get.

Good luck in the house search - somewhere else!

We used to have neighbors who put up St George's flag every time their was a football/rugby/cricket match. We just ignored it. I think it was one of the adult sons living there. The whole family seemed pleasant though. However if you are uncomfortable then look elsewhere to buy.

Sounds like your instincts were right on this occasion. But I'm shocked in the difference flying a flag means from over the border in Scotland. Here in Edinburgh loads of people fly Scottish flags from their window etc. It just means they are patriotic and proud of their (inclusive and diverse) country. It's definitely not a sign of racism against anyone (except maybe the far right bnp types). I hope you love the new house although a bit of investigation work (owner and social media) might have been worth it if it's that amazing!

Yanbu. I would give a wide berth to any area where the St Georges flag is displayed aside from the few weeks every 4 years that we haven't yet been knocked out of the World Cup.