Not to buy this house

[Lanaa]

DP and I are searching for a new home. We plan to stay in the new house a while, have children etc. We live in a big city and are searching in the suburbs. I'm black, DP is white.

We had a viewing yesterday, we arrived in separate cars. DP got there before me. When I arrived he was talking to one of the neighbours. This neighbour has a flagpole in his front garden and a giant England flag/St George's cross flying from it. When I got out of my car he just stared at me with a furious look on his face. I smiled at him, said hello to DP and the bloke turned around walked off and slammed his door.

I don't know if I'm overreacting, jumping to conclusions etc but why else would he act like that other than being a racist? I get that people are patriotic but who has a flag in their front garden? There are no big sporting events on at the moment. DP likes the house and thinks we should go for it. It's under our budget, well decorated and spacious. If I hadn't had that experience I'd go for it, but I'm uneasy. I don't want to live next to the local branch of the EDL! AIBU?

There will be other great houses that you BOTH feel happy about. That's a good enough reason not to buy this one.

I don't think your DH gets to call it on this one - it's not a compromise over a smaller bathroom or a longer commute, neighbours are such a big deal when you buy - look at all the threads on here, and disputes must be declared when selling. It's one thing to end up with nightmare neighbours unexpectedly, but I'd definitely go with your gut on this.

Fwiw, I'm white & would prefer not to buy a house next to anyone who flies an England flag.

I am white. I think YANBU. The pillock could make your life hell. I feel overwhelming sadness at this connotation to flying the flag of Saint George though. How sad our lives are becoming in this country. Just wish everyone could see the good in people what ever colour. Agree with others. Your DP should listen to you on this OP.

This 'could-be neighbour' sounds like trouble. Listen to your instincts - goodness knows what sort of trouble he could cause if you lived next door to him. Don't go looking for trouble.

If I were you I'd search elsewhere - there are nicer houses around. Flying the England flag shouldn't mean that he's a racist but in this case it looks like it does - so think yourself lucky that he's shown his true colours now and that you've had a lucky escape.

The rebellious part of me wants to buy it, fly a Nigerian flag and a Jamaican flag and play afrobeats/reggae all night!

I totally get that reaction, but in the Real World, I'd not put myself through the aggro that this man sounds like he is up for making.

Keep on searching, your dream house that includes nice neighbours is out there

The rebellious part of me wants to buy it, fly a Nigerian flag and a Jamaican flag and play afrobeats/reggae all night!

Please do this! :o

Seriously though, I don't think I'd buy a house where it had been made clear I wasn't wanted. It's not the flag, it's the man's actions. I mean there could be an innocent explanation but I'm 99% certain there isn't.

I'm white so I can't really know what it's like and there is every chance that, being white, your DP didn't notice or didn't interpret it as you did.

I'm mixed race and wouldn't assume he's a racist!

There are a lot of people round me flying flags after the recent terrorist attacks, just being patriotic. Some of them aren't white.

Plenty of people have resting bitch face-me included and if some stranger started smiling at me I'd probably give them a funny look back.

Do you have a posh car that stood out? That's more likely to get you a funny look.

What a dick. Yanbu op

Oh, yes, non-white people should really not upset us white people with their posh cars.

OMG.

Yep check out his FB, and then maybe go knock on the door and introduce yourself, see how he reacts.

I would not buy it. I live in one of the most mixed borough in the country but we are a mostly white council estate where my son (white) looked at a house just before the Brexit vote. I went with him and it was in my view absolutely dreadful down there - not only so many England flags but also on every street 3 of the lamp posts had England flags too. It was more an illustration of class, lower class area probably than too much racism in some cases but I would not live there (even as someone who is white).

No, I wouldn't want to live next door to a old racist git - he could be the reason why the house is for sale.

Same with pubs. One with a little St. George's cross fluttering in the breeze - benefit of the doubt maybe. Massive big flag strung over the entrance one or loads of them - to be avoided.

Trust your instincts, you have them for a reason, your social tuning is probably more sensitive than your partners.
You don't sound a paranoid person.

The flag itself might not be a problem - my Dad has a flagpole in his back garden 😐 but it's usually flying his national flag or that of the many friends from abroad he has visiting.

The glaring and going indoors with a door slam really doesn't sound good though and would have upset me. 👎 That's what makes me think the bloke's nasty and probably racist.

If that's the only house you both like that's within budget then I'd definitely do some more digging - speak to Estate Agent, other neighbours etc. Check SM which is a great idea. If he is a racist shit then I'd run a mile. 💐

Its up there with having a caravan in the garden

Yeah, those evil fucker caravanners

OP, I wouldn't want to live there (and I'm white). There are other houses and, as you say, it's not just you to think of; it's your future children, visiting family etc. Time your DH wised up a bit I think.

We do put England flags up when the football is on though. But no, not on a day to day basis. We are not racist at all, but don't think the far right have a monopoly on the flag.

You could find out his name from the electoral register etc and look at social media, but I think it's better to look at loads of houses, not just this one.

DH and I are white, but where we live - about an hour outside London - is the most depressingly racist area. But you can tell that by looking on social media - we have local Facebook pages, let's say they are called SuburbNameGossip - I think that's pretty common. If you read that you get a good feel for certain attitudes, constantly referencing everything back to Muslims and posting about shooting refugees in the water alongside posts for the local bring and buy sale.

you say it is a nice house, but under budget, ie a good buy possibly even a bargain?
I wonder why.....

Actually simplest thing would be to go and knock on another neighbour's door and say we are moving into the neighbourhood what can you tell us about this street. At some point ask about the flag. You may want to send dh to do this so you get honest answers.

Our new neighbours did this to us, and we gave them an honets breakdown of pros and cons.

I wouldnt want to have children in an area where you know there to be at least one racist family. How would your children feel being told that the neighbours kids are not allowed to play with them because they are mixed race?

I am white and DH is black and thankfully we have never experienced this where we live but the behaviour along with the flag would be a deal breaker for me. No way would we live there. Sounds like your DP is of the same mind of many people we know who think that racism doesnt exist anymore outside of the EDL/Britain First knuckle draggers. Sadly they are wrong :(

I've been away a long time it seems - what does EDL stand for (does BNP still exist?).

Def leave it - If it looks like a duck... (or a twat even).

My neighbour has an England flag up all the time. Not had any problems with the family. They seem pleasant.

Yes, if you're white , which i take it you are.

I had a friend live on a lovely little estate. People properly helped each other out, kids played, everyone got on well.

Then one of the houses went up for sale and an indian couple came to look round. I heard so many comments along the lines of "i'm not racist but [insert stereotypical view about curry/ten families in one house/hatred of pet dogs/funny smell/once one moves in they all will]"

Willing to bet your flag flying neighbour voted for brexit to get the immigrants out, and has some fairly right wing views, even if not openly racist.

Although as pp said, some nationalities like americans, it's fairly normal to fly your flag.

Don't buy the house but sneak back and run the Nigerian and Jamaican flags up his flagpole in the dead of night