Not to buy this house

[Lanaa]

DP and I are searching for a new home. We plan to stay in the new house a while, have children etc. We live in a big city and are searching in the suburbs. I'm black, DP is white.

We had a viewing yesterday, we arrived in separate cars. DP got there before me. When I arrived he was talking to one of the neighbours. This neighbour has a flagpole in his front garden and a giant England flag/St George's cross flying from it. When I got out of my car he just stared at me with a furious look on his face. I smiled at him, said hello to DP and the bloke turned around walked off and slammed his door.

I don't know if I'm overreacting, jumping to conclusions etc but why else would he act like that other than being a racist? I get that people are patriotic but who has a flag in their front garden? There are no big sporting events on at the moment. DP likes the house and thinks we should go for it. It's under our budget, well decorated and spacious. If I hadn't had that experience I'd go for it, but I'm uneasy. I don't want to live next to the local branch of the EDL! AIBU?

On one hand you shouldn't let some douchebag dictate where you can live but moving into a house where you have concerns about the neighbours doesn't seem very sensible.

Thank you! Really that's a great idea about checking his social media.

I was prepared to be flamed, being black means that you live with constant micro aggressions. You just learn to brush them off. As lovely as DP is, I just don't think he gets it. This man's behaviour was too overt, and obviously because of me. I didn't do anything to offend him - I parked on a road properly, not up a kerb or anything. No music in the car and I'd just left work (fairly professional job) so was dressed nicely.

I want children and I want them to be happy - brought up in a peaceful house where they can play and be loved. I realise I sound a bit idealistic but I think I'll be too tense there to relax (and I'm normally the most laid back person ever.).

Bad neighbours are a major reason why people move! I would not buy the house
Or if DP is still keen tell him you want to chat to all the neighbours first. See what happens second time

The rebellious part of me wants to buy it, fly a Nigerian flag and a Jamaican flag and play afrobeats/reggae all night!

YANBU. I wouldn't buy it either.

Appropriation of the Union Flag and St George flag by the far right and general all-round racists in this nation is one of the saddest symbols of this divided kingdom IMHO.

They could make your life a living hell, don't do it.

I was thinking, how about knocking on his door and asking what he thinks of the area etc
You will get all the answers you need there.

My neighbour on the other side blanked me when i moved in but although we generally ignore each other, that's her style. The overly friendly animal keepers on other side are worse.
He will reveal his true colours quickly enough

Lol at putting a jamaican flag in yr grdn!

All funny til you have a baby tho and cant sleep wo dering what hus nxt move is.

A nice house you can afford is a big deal tho. I say knock in his door.

Aside from the flag, the guy was talking to your husband, but proceeded to ignore you & walk away?

Sounds awful.

Why is your partner happy to buy a house next door to someone who treated you like that?

The flag itself wouldn't bother me; I think it's sad (albeit true) that we can't fly a British flag in Britain without being perceived as racist, when in other countries it's extremely acceptable and encouraged. DH is Scandinavian and there are hundreds of flags everywhere.

However, his behaviour was fucking disgusting and you deserve better than to live next to a racist twat. Think of how you felt after he did that and then imagine him making you feel like that every day. Don't buy the house

I wouldn't buy it. We're lucky to have good neighbours here, generally, all help each other out. But we have lots of nationalities here, no overt racists. Hope you find another lovely house soon.

Sorry to hear you went through this.
I would not purchase that house though.
Your DP needs to open his eyes.

YANBU

Buying a house is a massive investment both financially and emotionally.

Bad relationships with neighbours can cause a huge amount of stress and from a purely pragmatic perspective, devalue your property should you need to sell whilst any dispute is ongoing.

He may not be racist, but if I was a betting person I'd say that based on your observations the odds are unlikely.

You could of course buy and confront the issue head on, but personally I think life is too short to spend in the company of bigots and presumably their friends who will visit though I do like your idea of the Jamaican flag and reggae .

I wouldn't buy the house under those circumstances, I wouldn't consider it, neighbours can have a big impact on your daily life. There will be the right house for you out there.

It's a no from me.

I wouldn't buy a house next door to someone with a St George's flag, its up there with having a caravan in the garden.

I don't think you're being at all unreasonable - flag aside, as others have said, his reaction on seeing you approach is probably indicative of how he would treat you if you became neighbours. I'm a little bothered that your DP doesn't get this, though. Although maybe he's an innocent and thinks the best of people, so can't imagine how bad it might be?

Not only would he be rude to you, constantly, he would also be horrible to your children if/when you have them, constantly.

NO NO and NO. Just don't leave yourselves open to him - it won't just be you will be your partner and then your kids

How long have you been with your DP that he still doesn't 'get it' to this extent?

I think it's worth doing what SPenfj suggested, just in case you caught him on a bad day. Shame to lose a good house unnecessarily.

I think you can choose to have a flag in your garden WITHOUT being racist. However, this guy just sounds unpleasant, racist or not.

A pp suggested finding out his name and checking him out on social media - do it!

If you love the house, go back and see ifhe's there again and his reaction this time. Ask a neighbour/the vendor?

And also talk to the estate agent about him.

Or ... look for another house...

We are a same-sexy couple

Lucky you, Catsize

I'm brown and tbh I would trust my own gut feelings over an interaction like this rather than any white partners'. White people just don't get racism and prejudice in the same way we do (or our mixed race kids do) and never will. Go with your gut and put your foot down.