Not to buy this house

[Lanaa]

DP and I are searching for a new home. We plan to stay in the new house a while, have children etc. We live in a big city and are searching in the suburbs. I'm black, DP is white.

We had a viewing yesterday, we arrived in separate cars. DP got there before me. When I arrived he was talking to one of the neighbours. This neighbour has a flagpole in his front garden and a giant England flag/St George's cross flying from it. When I got out of my car he just stared at me with a furious look on his face. I smiled at him, said hello to DP and the bloke turned around walked off and slammed his door.

I don't know if I'm overreacting, jumping to conclusions etc but why else would he act like that other than being a racist? I get that people are patriotic but who has a flag in their front garden? There are no big sporting events on at the moment. DP likes the house and thinks we should go for it. It's under our budget, well decorated and spacious. If I hadn't had that experience I'd go for it, but I'm uneasy. I don't want to live next to the local branch of the EDL! AIBU?

Sounds like the seller has neighbour issues and has priced it accordingly...

This is so depressing but yep I also concur YANBU and I wouldn't buy

I'm sorry you were subjected to that. He sounds really unpleasant and yes it would put me off buying the house as well, YANBU.

The house is nice and under priced - I would be asking why. Could it be because a huge asshole lives next door?! Don't buy it OP you won't feel comfortable there x

I'm white and I wouldn't live next to a racist arse hole if you gave me the house for free. Definitely wouldn't bring my kids up anywhere near the scum.

Yanbu. Evil racist. I wouldn't buy either. It's very unsettling to hear people like this still exist. Fucked up.

I'm not convinced that flying a flag is necessarily racist (though prepared to admit that a high percentage of flag-flyers might be - no flags round here except when the footie is on) but I'm not a big fan of them generally - they seem to go with really messy gardens and broken down cars abandoned in the front garden (and that just bothers me from an OCD point of view).
He may not (clutching at straws but trying to keep an open mind) even be a racist for his reaction. But it does make him sound like a twat who wouldn't make a good neighbour so I'd probably keep looking.
To be fair I wouldn't necessarily have a beaming smile on my face (my expression unfortunately doesn't seem to match my brain) and I might not hang around (not good with people, particularly more than one) but slamming the door? You add that in to the rest and it just says "I'm not a pleasant person".

Don't buy. He'll be hassling your kids too

This man did you a favour letting you know about his racist attitude before you spent any more time or money on this house. Much better to learn of it now than after you move in. Tell the EA that the house is ideal, you would be more than interested in anything similar but because you got a bad attitude from the NDN you won't be making an offer.

I am puzzled that your partner isn't more sensitive to the impact this man could have on your lives and the lives of future DC. Is he being blinded by property infatuation?

Don't buy. The flag flying itself doesn't necessarily mean the man is a racist, but his behaviour proved that he is. How awful. Sorry you were treated like this.
It would be horrible having to live next door to someone who went on like that all the time.
It also begs the question, why is the house so nice and under your budget? Maybe other buyers have been put off by the idiot next door.

You sound like an intelligent woman, you don't need to check his social media, you already know what he's like, and how he made you feel.
The man has already stated his case, please listen.

YANBU holy hell! I can't believe this still happens. Trust your instincts imagine how he would treat your children. This isn't love thy neighbour, this is real life and you need to feel 100 per cent comfortable in your home. What about when your family come to visit how would he behave then😑

YANBU.

Surprised your DH thinks any differently to be honest - if it made you feel uncomfortable then that's a dealbreaker.

Neighbours are massively important. I'd definitely be wary if I had ANY inkling that there might be a neighbour issue regardless of what it was - noise, massive untidy front garden, whatever.

What you describe would be a massive immediate NO WAY from me.

Sorry you had to experience that.

OP out of interest does your DP get it? I'm in a mixed relationship and it took my partner an awful holiday abroad, where he actually got to see and therefore experience awful racism like that, to see just how subtle it can be.

I agree he sounds like an awful neighbour to have.

For the PP who asked - EDL stands for English Defence League. A wonderful brand of knuckle-dragging oxygen thieves who are so desperate to 'reclaim our country from the muslimists and the shania law ' that they get all dressed up in masks and drive around the country looking to hold marches. They are twats and I unfriend anyone who hints at being associated with them. I joined the alternate EDL - the English disco lovers! - who counteract their marches by turning up and gyrating to 70's boogie music while mocking them.

I live near someone who has a whole array of flags and displays them on his flagpole at appropriate times of the year. Welsh for St Davids day, English for St Georges Day - he's a rugby fan and has a number of flags for New Zealand etc. He even has a special birthday flag, a Happy New Year flag and a Royal Standard for the Queens Birthday. In my head, he's a beardy old retired sea captain...

Thank you everyone. I thought I'd be flamed and be told that in England it's fine to fly the flag (as one colleague just said over a brew at work.)

Thankfully my DP does understand. We've had a chat and we aren't going to bother. As many people have said, there are other houses. DP said the bloke was pleasant to him. Just chitchat about his car and the weather, his mood turned when I showed up. As I said before I want to be happy in my home and I can't put myself or my future children in that situation.

To those asking about DP - he does, "get it." He's just determined to see the best in everyone. He'd be the first to defend me if he noticed anyone doing anything overt, but it's the little things that sometimes go over his head. He was a bit in love with the house too. It's an incredible bargain (the owner wants a quick sale - I think I know why!) it's in an area we both love but really can't afford, great schools, parks, little villagey high street but only fifteen mins to the city centre. I wish I could pick up flag man and his house and dump it elsewhere!

YANBU, and I reckon the neighbour(s) and the flag are the reason the house is so reasonably priced.

There will be another house for you - with lovely neighbours!

As you live in a city, your DP may never have seen a mixed race couple as an issue (cos it isn't!), however when I moved out of central London to somewhere inside m25 but not a very mixed area , it was sooooo noticeable. Apparently the neighbours were 'terrified that a coloured family would move in' ffs! There are certain areas worth avoiding & you have to live there too! Leave that house OP, there's a better house with nice neighbours waiting for you & your future family.

As lovely as DP is, I just don't think he gets it.

This what those of us who asked about him 'getting' it were basing that on, OP.

I would bet my butt that the reason the house is priced so atractively is because FlagMan is a nightmare neighbour of the first water!

If a house is mysteriously cheap there is usually a reason why :(

Lucky escape!

As I see it, there are two options. Either Neighbour is gay, thought he might be in with a chance, and then you turned up, or is racist and then you turned up. Either way you'd be right to trust your instincts and pass on the house.

croydonista I looked at a house a couple of miles south of Purley just over a month ago and the street leading to the house was covered in England flags. Although the house was stunning, the sight of all these flags put me off the house. I feel guilty as it's our national flag but I feel uncomfortable seeing them flying when there is no reason behind it.

I think that you should definitely inform the estate agent about what happened.

I agree about phoning the agent and explaining why you won't be going back for a 2nd viewing.

And I very much doubt the house is priced for a quick sale so much as for what the photos in the blurb were carefully crafted to avoid including. You know houses that don't mention they have some hideous eye sore / the M25 opposite the house. The flag pole and its owner count in that category.